Spannered!!

[mollyka]

Spannered!!

Uk, well done battling the 'beast'! It's a bugger of a disease isn't it. Unlike giving up smokes, it's like it never really goes away. Anyway hope you got a good nights sleep I agree with Nottonight, sleep is like a reset button to me.
Cinders, you sound so sad. When we are down we all see is that 'awful' person in the mirror. I went for a year that I literally wouldn't look in the mirror or let anyone take a photograph of me - I wanted to not exist. Have you been to the doc? And that incredible person you 'used to be' hasn't gone away, you are the same person inside, and that's what counts - the rest of it - it's in your control, difficult I know, but you can do it.
Hi Ktab and Rebirth
Molly

[rebirth]

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Hi Molly. Off to work. No sugar today! We should start a sugar addiction thread.

[neart]

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rebirth;959627 wrote: Hi Molly. Off to work. No sugar today! We should start a sugar addiction thread.

Rebirth, I think I need that! I really struggle with sugar, I want it so much every day, it's terrible - I think I'm addicted to sugar in whatever form it comes, be it AL or chocolate. Trying to get a handle on it.

Ukblonde, so glad you posted - although how you were feeling was lousy, at least you know how to handle and respond to these feelings, what works for you - getting in to bed. I hope today is a better day for you :l:l I remember reading the Bell Jar (by Sylvia Plath) years ago. She was a fiercly intelligent person, really interesting. Sad though. So I've always liked your avatar pic!

Cinders, I clearly remember years ago when my self esteem was underground, I was in town and wanted to go in to a shop to look at the clothes. But I didn't go in because I didn't want the people in the shop to have to look at me - I didn't want to put them through that. When I think back now to how badly I felt about myself... But as Molly said, you are still that same good person inside, you are just struggling to see that right now. And you can't say that you're wallowing if you are 1. here, trying, and 2. aware of all the good qualities in the people around you - your family. If you can see good in others, then there is good in you too. You just have to start being kind to yourself, speak gently to yourself and give yourself a chance. :l

[Guest]

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Quick update. This morning I couldn't get out of bed to exercise, lay in bed for as long as possible. No motivation at all and almost didn't make it to the gym this afternoon. But I did and even though I was late I went to the local SMART recovery meeting. All throughout this I was so very close to getting a drink, I so wanted to drink to make all my stupid thoughts go away, but I kept on going. On the way to the meeting I almost burst into tears in the street. Then the facilitator was late. I stayed, shared all my cr@p then walked home. Still sure I was going to drink and not giving a stuff. As the off-licence loomed I started to think about what I would buy, and immediately felt sick. Yep I imagined taking that first gulp and I just cringed inside, all the being sick, feeling terrible came right back to me. That was when the craving passed. It was like a huge weight off my shoulders.

It's gone!!!!I nearly shouted it in the street.

Yippeeee.

[Panno]

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UK you truly inspire me thank you so much for sharing :l i was cringing when I began to read and when I got to the bottom I too shouted YIPPEE

[mama bear]

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thank heavens uk.....I am so proud of you

[spuddleduck]

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YIPPEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

[not tonight]

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UK - I am so sorry for what you have been through the past couple of days, you have shown such resilience. I am also going to keep this thread for future reference when I am so close. Your description of imagining that first drink is so powerful. Thank you.

I just got back from a new parents evening for my daughter's new school. I sooooo wanted a glass of wine it was almost unbearable. My husband helped out by drinking most of the wine (thanks hon!)

[mario]

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Well done uk, we always have to be aware of this monster which will forever be lurking in our mind & bodys, good job for not giving in.. :-)

[choice]

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Hi UK,
I got worried there for you, but you came out on the other side!! I get scared of the future and the cravings. Sometimes I'll feel so weak when I struggle through this. Your story is inspirational. When I first came on MWO I was glad to see Sylvia Plath here. She is one of my favorite poets and writers. Her book The Bell Jar is outstanding. She was a brilliant woman who battled with depression. Her writing was beautiful. It's not light reading or for the faint of heart... but so honest.
Take care UK,
-Choice

[Cinders]

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Ukblonde;960066 wrote: Quick update. This morning I couldn't get out of bed to exercise, lay in bed for as long as possible. No motivation at all and almost didn't make it to the gym this afternoon. But I did and even though I was late I went to the local SMART recovery meeting. All throughout this I was so very close to getting a drink, I so wanted to drink to make all my stupid thoughts go away, but I kept on going. On the way to the meeting I almost burst into tears in the street. Then the facilitator was late. I stayed, shared all my cr@p then walked home. Still sure I was going to drink and not giving a stuff. As the off-licence loomed I started to think about what I would buy, and immediately felt sick. Yep I imagined taking that first gulp and I just cringed inside, all the being sick, feeling terrible came right back to me. That was when the craving passed. It was like a huge weight off my shoulders.

It's gone!!!!I nearly shouted it in the street.

Yippeeee.

What an incredible and uplifting story.

Thank you for sharing and ..

Thank G-d for helping it happen.

Love,
Cindi

[neart]

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Ukblonde, I think you're fantastic for putting one foot in front of the other and getting through these tough few days. It has always sounded to me like you are putting a huge amount of effort and energy into making a good life for yourself, and it sounds like you have climbed this mountain these past few days and I am so, so happy for you x

[rebirth]

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UK - Good grief you almost frightened me there. Thank God you didnt slip! I had a hellish week last week and came close to drinking but I fast forwarded the clock and imagined me back in the pubs getting drunk, looking stupid, acting stupid and hating myself. That keeps me on the right track. I thi nk its great that you are posting your thoughts to sharfe with us. Helping you helps me.

Cinders i was so touched by your honesty that I somehow managed to not have any form of sugar today! So thanks for that?! I dont know what you did but it worked. We really should start some king of sugar addiction thread. What do yoiu think? Neart what do you suggest?

[Doggygirl]

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UK, I applaud you again for doing whatever it takes to get past that urge. I'm also glad you shared that horrid reaction you have to sugar. Sugar is a real slippery slope for me too, and there are times when I just go out of control with it - just like a drinking binge. Then I too feel really off and get that "hungover" feeling that Sheri mentioned. I suspect there is a connection somewhere in my own set of addictions between AL and sugar. I am SOOOO much better off when I get off the sugar entirely. I need to get back to that.

Long way of saying that I can relate to you on all fronts with this. You are not alone. I am so happy that you made it through without drinking!!!!

DG

[K9Lover]

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UK -
I'm so happy that you were so strong! I could learn a thing or two (or ten) from you! :l