What an Idiot!!

[mollyka]

What an Idiot!!

Hi again Santy! When I came here first one of my biggest fears was that anyone would know I had a drink problem, let alone the fact that I'm an alkie. Of course people knew,thought I had them all fooled - yeah. Now I feel so differently - at a bit of a distance from the alcoholic life, the shame is gone. I don't broadcast from the rooftops that I had a drink problem, but my overwhelming feeling now is pride in my sobriety rather than humiliation in my drunkenness. Like Pride says there are so many worse things that could be on your record!! Anyway, good on you taking control of things!
Molly

[santybury]

What an Idiot!!

Hi Molly
Thanks for that. I know, who am I fooling about having a drink problem, im always the one who goes too far but I guess that sort of suits my other friends who drink a lot as it takes the light of them, if you see what I mean. I just know that I have endless memories of nights that have been laughed off the next day, but inside I have felt mortified. Each time ive gone out ive thought to myself "Right, tonight im going to keep it under control!", next thing im off my face, making a complete idiot of myself, its not a pretty sight, alcohol strips you of your dignity bit by bit. As I said, Im just not sure who I am without it, ive been drinking on and off for a good 27 years. What scares me so much is the total abandon and the blackouts, terrifying! Anyway, here I am, so one day at a time and thanks again for everyones support x

[Popeye]

What an Idiot!!

Hi Santybury,
It takes some of us a loooong time to get a grip and I wish you well.

My B-I-L falls asleep at the bar almost every week (or so I'm told) but he doesn't have a problem

At least you've realised and can do something about it before it does something about you.

:l

[santybury]

What an Idiot!!

Whats a "B_I_L?"

[Choochie]

What an Idiot!!

brother-in-law

[lil.michelle]

What an Idiot!!

Hunni, why on earth do you think you can't have that on your notes? I too work for the nhs and have it on my notes cause i would rather get help, advice and support rather then lose control and end up god knows where.
If you want to stay sober over the christmas have you thought of trying antabuse? Just until you feel better and gather the strength and willpower to stay sober?

[_EndOfTheLine_]

What an Idiot!!

Just because you are a nurse does not mean you can't have "alcohol problem" on your notes.

[caysea]

What an Idiot!!

Hi All
I just did a search and it looks like a lot of the states have programs for nurses who have problems. Maybe a union program or peer group program. Check into it on the internet don't know which state you live in.

Stay Strong and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Sunnyvalenting]

What an Idiot!!

In US it may be a good idea to keep the diagnosis off your record for a variety of reasons. use your judgment. The insurance company can claim you have a preexisting condition and not treat you or insure you in future. Also for nurses employer based diversion programs can be costly and intrusive if you get referred to one. Be very careful and don't make your life harder than it already is. Keep your options open if at all possible. It may be in your best interest to try to get out of this privately. Good luck.
Sunny

[woody14]

What an Idiot!!

My experiences have been very similar. I was AF for 15 days this month, had one dinner to go to where I had two glasses of wine so thought that was OK (although I felt kind of crappy the next morning). Then holiday party last night where I completely blew it. Really thinking total abstinence will need to be my route not moderation.
I did feel awesome during those 15 days so I am eager to get that feeling back. Just approaching it one day at a time. So back to DAY 1 today.
As far as the nursing issue I agree with Sunny. You really don't want that in your record unless you have a serious health issue associated with your drinking then it is important to be honest about the amount. You know health care providers say any time someone reports how much they drink they assume the person reports half of their actual drinking amount.

[Popeye]

What an Idiot!!

Hi santybury,
Just wondering how you are?

[momof3]

What an Idiot!!

caysea;1014788 wrote: Hi All
I just did a search and it looks like a lot of the states have programs for nurses who have problems. Maybe a union program or peer group program. Check into it on the internet don't know which state you live in.

Stay Strong and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

When I went through outpatient rehab a few years ago, half of the folks in my group were doctors or nurses. It is a big issue in the medical community and I agree that there is lots of support out there.

[lucky 2.0]

What an Idiot!!

Interesting topic. I was very, very concerned to have any alcohol issue on my medical record so refused to ask for help for decades. I would order meds off the net but then quit taking them, even though Campral did work well for me until I stopped taking it. Then 2 wks ago I ended up in ER because I passed out in my driveway waiting for dog to come home. Now it is on my record and I expressed my concern. I was told that even for National Security Clearance, if you have a year of successfully completing a recovery program, you can get your Clearance. And I was told there are 3 layers to your medical file. The easiest for access, and you still have to sign over permission, is your GP files. The next easiest is Mental Health files, and the hardest is Addiction/Recovery records. That made me feel better. In fact, now that I am in the Addiction Program of a huge medical group, even my GP cannot see the notes in my file regarding alochol. He can see the meds prescribed (lithium and antabuse)- I feel so much more accountable for addressing the problem successfully now that it is out in the open. As long as I hid it, I stayed pouring bottle after bottle of vino down my throat. I AM SO GRATEFUL to be be on Antabuse now. All the drugs for moderation did not work long term for me who USED to drink too much. Don't know why I never want to say I am an alcoholic but I just won't. Sends a negative message IMHO.

Everyone, please keep sharing your successes and your struggles because we all benefit from them.

Peace.

[guy with a headache]

What an Idiot!!

Hope I'm not bumping an out-of-date post here.

The hardest thing I've had to deal with in this struggle is letting myself make mistakes. I'm better at it, and that makes the load heaps lighter. I can't tell you how many hits I've taken one on the chin, yet here I am, sure as the sun is coming up, and I'm just fine.

[janka]

What an Idiot!!

Hi Santy, wishing you much courage, patience, hopefulness and strength. Take baby steps in sobriety and allow your mind and body to heal. Go easy on and take very good, gentle care of yourself, j