Can't take this anymore :-(

[Danae]

I'm so afraid to do what I know I need to do.

I'm so overwhelmed and emotional right now. I want to cry. But I can't.

I have to stop drinking. I know that and I've known that for a long time now. Literally years. But I don't know how. I read the book, and bought the CDs but didn't stick with them. I wonder do they really work. Have they worked for anyone?

All I know is I'm going to lose my husband if I keep up. :upset:

But I'm afraid to stop. Afraid I'll miss it. I like the taste of wine. And that's my problem. I wish I could wake up as an 21 year old again before I ever tried alcohol.

I just don't know what to do. How does one learn to moderate? And am I fooling myself thinking that I can???

[sunshine_gg]

Can't take this anymore :-(

Welcome Danae :l

You sound a bit like I did in the beginning. I, too, LIKED the taste of wine. 2 bottles of wine a day, to be exact. I also like the taste of cinnamon but I never downed a pound of that

I don't think alcohol is about the 'taste'.. we can find many things to like, to enjoy.. without them altering our state or threatening our careers/family lives.

I'm not sure if the self hypnotic tapes ever helped me drink less... but they did/do calm me down when I'm anxious. They certainly can't hurt, if you ask me. I haven't been very vigilant about taking the supplements regularly, so I cannot claim any success there. But I DO know that the support and information here has done wonders for me.

I truly remember the 'being afraid to stop' bit... how insane, isn't it? We're afraid to pour poison down our throat! Nowadays, I'm afraid to ever touch a drop again. Why don't you give yourself a breather... commit to 30 days of not drinking? (Depending on how much you drink now... it may be wise to seek medical advice/aids to help with withdrawals.) Give yourself a chance to clear your head, see what life is like on the 'other side'... an experiment, if you will. At this point you don't have to commit to 'forever'... just today, really. ODAT (One day at a time). Leave thoughts about moderating or abstaining for another day down the road. Just concentrate on today. Clear your mind, clear your system.

There are some excellent posts/topics to help you get started.. the Toolbox is a great one.

Wishing you all the success in the world.. you CAN do this!!! I know it seems completely impossible right this moment... but you can do it! And, we're here to help!
:welcome:

[mama bear]

Can't take this anymore :-(

Danae...
Welcome sweetie !!
Alot of people here will support you and help any way they can.
But..it's up to YOU to stop. I did not succeed the 1st, 2nd or 10th time I tried. But with the support of my family here and antabuse, I have about 45 days under my belt.
You should try 30 days AF (alcohol free) before modding.
I was afraid of losing my husband too.....I completely understand.

[mama bear]

Can't take this anymore :-(

Morning Sunnybutt.......x post

[frosty12]

Can't take this anymore :-(

Danae,
I like you was on the verge of losing my husband. I am only on Day 4. I guess I was ready to get my life back. I have a 15 year old son that was embaressed of me. The shame is unbearable. I have stayed close, very close to MWO and it gets me through the day. The people here are wonderful and help in any way they can, but only you can take the first step to recovery. I read everything on this site and it gives me strength. SOmeone on this site said something that saved my life and is simply this. I love my family MORE than I love alcohol. I challenge you to make this your first day to a new and better life. Will you join me?

[lil.michelle]

Can't take this anymore :-(

Hi hunni,
First here's a HUGE HUG! I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. I was a wine drinker,LOVED the taste of it ect ect. I was on the verge of losing my hubby and my daughter and knew i had to make that decision... what was worth more.. a liquid... or my family. It was clear that i had to fight this. i found this site, ordered ALL the meds, the book, the cd.. you name it. However, for me, it didn't work. that's not to say it hasn't for others. I had to accept that was no miracle cure. I was in such a bad way i needed a quick fix so that i build on me and my family and get used to being sober and dealing with feelings and stresses so i started taking Antabuse. I never went to the doctor for this, i just ordered it online from riverside pharmacy. Although i knew it was a risk as these tablets should be taken under doctors supervision i decided that i would rather try and be sober then carry on this route. They worked wonders for me. I used them until i had enough will power to try without them. I started cutting them down until i was completely off them. Although, i've had my slips, it's shown me that once you've got used to being sober and living a sober life, drink just wasn't worth it. I'm now close to or if not over 40 days AF and no want to drink even tho i'm under horrible stress.
I personally could not moderate. I knew i wouldn't be ableto stop at a glass, maybe once or twice but not for long. It took a while for me to come to terms with that tho.
I think you should do 30 days AF and see how you go.....
I'm always here if you need me. I know how it feels to almost lose you hubby and my heart bleeds for you. You just have to drink... what i put my marriage after a bottle of orange juice, or glass of water... NO, Wine is a liquid... That's all.

[sunshine_gg]

Can't take this anymore :-(

Morning, MamaBear, Frosty, and LilM

Danae, the biggest message behind MWO is that we all have to find OUR way out. What works for one, may not work for another. I did very well for 8 months on will power and this message board alone. And then I crumbled.

I also have chosen Antabuse now - a pill that delivers acutely unpleasant reactions to alcohol. Once taken, the inner struggle, questions, discussions are done. No choice. No drinking. But there are many different methods and tools and all of them work for some.

Do let us know how you are doing, please?

[AMELIA]

Can't take this anymore :-(

Hello from me too Danae,
A lot of good advice above. Sunshine GG has said 'We all need to find our way out' and I couldn't agree more.
For at least 10 years I knew I had a serious problem. I have tried various methods: Topamax, Baclofen, Antabuse etc. Each worked to a certain extent for a period of time.
Am now nearly 6 months sober with AA.
I think I have been on an upward spiral to sobriety for the last 4 years: joining My Way Out, trying meds, listening to advice.
A very helpful part of AA is that I am no longer anonymous in my local community. I know dozens of recovering alcoholics in a 10min walk of my home. I was a secret drinker, so this is a big thing for me - being open with others about my history.
The biggest reason I believe I am sober today is that I got to a point in my life that alcohol wasn't fun for me anymore. The good drinking times were short and the bad drinking times were long and awful.
Alcohol was costing me more than I was actually paying for it in money (so to speak).
I couldn't believe I could live without it. But I can and life is infinitely more enjoyable without it.
Keep on returning to the boards.
Read, learn, make friends and find your own way out. If you really want to kick Al into touch - you can!!
Best wishes
Amelia

[Danae]

Can't take this anymore :-(

Thank you all for replying. :thanks:

I just feel so awful. I want my cake and eat it too, ya know? And with the holidays coming its going to be that much harder. But I know. One day at a time. *sigh*

I want to be clearheaded, I want to lose the 20 or so pounds I've put on that I *know* I would lose if I give up drinking. I want to feel safe in my marriage again, and not like I'm on the verge of losing it all. :upset:

[sunshine_gg]

Can't take this anymore :-(

:l

Pace yourself, dear. One day and one thing at a time
Forget about the weight for now.. concentrate on ONE thing only. Chances are, the rest is going to fall in its place on its own

Here's a thought to start out... December 16th has been nominated as the day that ALL of the MWO members will refrain from drinking - no matter where they are in their journey. Won't you join us?

Speaking of your marriage.. are you able to talk to hubby about what you want/plan/feel you need to do? Personally, I SUCK at this part. I do have a wonderful, supportive partner but cannot bring myself to talk about 'my issue'. However, I think it is important and if you can get hubby into your corner helping you rather than suspiciously watching you... that might be a huge help!

[LVT25]

Can't take this anymore :-(

Hi Danae,

I just wanted to say hi and offer my support as well. You have some great advice from sunshine and the others. I want to add, that you will never regret quitting alcohol. Can you say the same about continuing? It is so worth it, and once you get it out of your system and change your daily habits, it gets so much easier. I can honestly say that I rarely feel like taking a drink--I just don't want to feel that way anymore--ever.

This program did work for me. The book, the supplements, the cd's (among others) and the forum--I still need. I didn't use the meds though.

Check out the threads in the Monthly abstinence forum--lots of sober people there living life quite well without al.

:l:h

[techie]

Can't take this anymore :-(

Wishing you all the best. Just make a plan using the input you've already received and take it ODAT. This can be a good time of year to stop. Getting through the holidays, strengthening your marriage, improving your health are going to be extremely empowering. John

[Danae]

Can't take this anymore :-(

sunshine_gg;1022087 wrote: :l

Pace yourself, dear. One day and one thing at a time
Forget about the weight for now.. concentrate on ONE thing only. Chances are, the rest is going to fall in its place on its own

Here's a thought to start out... December 16th has been nominated as the day that ALL of the MWO members will refrain from drinking - no matter where they are in their journey. Won't you join us?

Speaking of your marriage.. are you able to talk to hubby about what you want/plan/feel you need to do? Personally, I SUCK at this part. I do have a wonderful, supportive partner but cannot bring myself to talk about 'my issue'. However, I think it is important and if you can get hubby into your corner helping you rather than suspiciously watching you... that might be a huge help!

Yes. I actually just showered and went downstairs to talk to my husband. I said the words "I have a drinking problem, and while I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic, I do need to stop and I don't know how." We talked a bit more and he told me he really respected that I said the words, because he can help if I want to get better, but he can't do anything if I'm in denial.

I'm going to try and find a good therapist to talk with as well. I told my husband that I really don't know how else to deal with my anxiety and a glass or 3 of wine always took the edge off. I'm his 2nd wife and his 2 kids live with us and we've been married almost 3 years so that was a big adjustment (I have no kids of my own). Plus I lost my job last Nov (but recently went back to work in Oct 2010) and that job loss didn't help my anxiety levels.

I'm babbling now :H but I *NEED* to do this. I can't go on like this. And yes I plan to join you on the 16th. But as you recommended, my focus is on being successful today.

[sunshine_gg]

Can't take this anymore :-(

Bloody well done, Danae! Harvest all the support you can get!

Do you know about the live chat feature on here? When push really comes to shove and you feel like jumping out of your skin, it can be a life saver. In the blue menu bar across the top third of this web page... click on 'Live Chat' - if nobody is in there, post a chat request in this area - and someone will join you!

Very glad you landed here!
Oh.. and babbling is totally acceptable! :H

[JackieClaire]

Can't take this anymore :-(

:welcome: Danae,

Just adding my hellos and I have to say blooming well done to you for talking to your husband. I can tell you in all honesty I know how difficult it is, I had to tell my husband.But oh the relief .
I'm so glad you're here, shout out if you need anything.

J x
:l