Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

[fragileflower]

Hi all,

I've can't win at this. I've made an appt. with my doc for Friday morning to ask for Antabuse. I saw him before 6 months ago and he offered to prescribe that or campral, but I said no to both, thinking that the my husband saying he was going to divorce me and take my daughter away if I didn't get counseling and go to AA would be enought to stop me.

Well, I did that for awhile. Then I relapsed a few months ago. My doctor does not know. My hubby does not know. My drinking has esclated and I'm drinking about 5 x a week, 1/2 to 1 pt a vodka a day. I am so ashamed.

So, I did tell my husband this morning that I was going to the dr. for a check up for my meds for anxiety, before we move to a new town next week. He said that he's been worried about me, that I don't seem like myself. I told him I have been feeling anxious and wanted to see the dr to see if I could get help with a new med because I'm "worried about going back to drinking." I did tell hubby I felt tempted a lot. He said, well "just don't drink-- you know what will happen. (DIVORCE).

So I hope this goes ok Friday with the dr. I hope my dr cannot say anything to my husband. I plan on taking antabuse and going to more meetings in my new town.

Oh and I am very scared of the Antabuse....liver damage and such...anybody out there to calm me down?

fragile flower

[madmans]

Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

Hi Flower , Don't know much about Antabuse myself but the vodka will get your liver for sure. Your doing the right thing going to see your doctor , you can beat this , lots of people here have done and will continue to do so. MM

[KundaliniGirl]

Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

Fragile, I don't think your doctor can say anything to your husband because of doctor/patient privilege. And, I know someone will come along and address your Antibuse question. Have you thought about Balcofen? I know many here are having real success with it. You can read about it on the Meds thread. The Antibuse has worked well for many also. I just know that the Balcofen actually takes away the craving. Sunnyvalenting has been sober a year - many others like him -- they're totally indifferent to alcohol. Again, they post on the Meds thread.

Please don't be ashamed about your drinking. You started drinking innocently enough. We don't know when we start that alcohol is a drug. It's legal, etc., everyone does it, etc. etc. Then suddenly it becomes a problem. It's not a moral failing, it's a chemical dependence, so please don't be hard on yourself. Just take the positive steps you're describing to help wean yourself off of it. At some point down the road, things will get better. Just remember that and you won't feel so down.

There's so much support here and so many people whose lives are good now that they've stopped drinking. It just takes time and some work like going to AA, reading a lot of literature, posting, etc. Have you read Allen Carr's book The Easy Way to Stop Drinking? I highly suggest immersing yourself in books about addiction to help change your thinking and give yourself some coping tools. They really help a lot!!

Sending you peace and strength,
KG

[missyabby1]

Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

Hi Fragile, it really sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place. What a threat to have hanging over your head (divorce) whilst you are trying so hard to recover. That would be enough to want to make me drink!


This is not a "bad person, immoral" disease. If you had diabetes you wouldn't be hiding using insulin !!

My heart goes out to your situation and how you must feel having to hide all this from your husband when he could be supporting you in your fight against this.

The meds site is definately a place to go to learn more about what people are experiencing with different medications. I take Campral and have had huge success in halting my cravings most of the time (slip ups when mega stressed ...but from drinking daily down to less then once a week). Baclofen seems a wonder drug for most too but I am sticking to Campral for the time being. I have been a very heavy drinker for 18 years and did not think I could ever go without AL for even one day!

I wish you all the best and keep posting...........we care.

Good luck with your doctor.

:h

[NoraC]

Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

Fragile - :l I'm sorry about your situation. I am currently taking antabuse and campral. Will probably stop the antabuse when I see my Psychiatrist on April 1.
The antabuse has been wonderful for me. I know that I can't drink and that is the end of that. Period. So, there is not internal debate or anything going on. My Psychiatrist wanted me to try campral and that is why I am also taking that.
You have to know that you absolutely can NOT drink on the antabuse. The reaction could kill you. But, as long as you don't drink alcohol you should just be fine. The Campral would be harder to hide because that is 2 pills/3 times a day. On the antabuse I just take 1/2 pill every other day. That's all I need - as long as it's in my system (it stays in your system for at least 10 days), I know that I will not drink.
Good luck. Very positive that you are taking this step.

[kaza]

Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

Hi Fragile
Hang in there Sweetie, things will get better. It sounds to me that you are hurting badly and need help, love and support - which you will get from here. Everyone here is in the same boat and we all try to help and support others going through the same thing. You are not alone Fragile you have us so keep talking to us. I don't have any experience with Antabuse - I take Naltrexone - which seems to work for me - it gets rid of the craving. As for the Doctor speaking to your husband - he cannot do that due to patient confidentiality, what is discussed with you and your Doctor stays with you and your Doctor, unless you indicate differently. I think taking medication to help you through this difficult time whether it's Antabuse, Baclofen, Campral or Naltrexone - is a far safer option than the drinking - because the drinking will cause the liver damage in the end anyway. Speak to your Doctor to discuss the medication options on Friday and be sure you feel confident before deciding what to take. I am guessing you have a computer at home that you can research these meds. I have had no side effects with Naltrexone - mind you I was scared witless when I first came to MWO, just over a week ago when I started my journey of Alcohol free - and asked these lovely people here to help me and could anyone advise me as to the side effects of Nal - everyone was great, supportive, caring and friendly and offered good advice -there is no judgment here just care and support and it sounds to me that, that is exactly what you need right now. I can't begin to tell you how great I feel and today is Day 10 for me. I am much happier, more energetic and full of life, which I can assure you I wasn't before. I now wake up with a clear head and ready to meet the day with enthusiasm, which was not me 2 weeks ago. I didn't tell my husband first up - he had never commented on my drinking - but as I started to feel better and better, I confided in him and he was and still is extremely supportive and loving, which is what we need at difficult times in our lives. I came to the stage where I knew I had a problem and got onto the internet and started searching. I came across Roberta Jewell's "My Way Out" which is her personal story of her quest for sobriety, it is a great book, and it is written in such a fantastic way it could apply to anyone in the same situation such as you and me. I have a printer at home and I downloaded the PDF version which cost me $12.95 and it was worth every cent. I had a day off work and I sat down and read the whole thing - after which I had the courage and resolve to get me where I am now. I recommend reading her book. So good luck my friend and don't forget we are all behind you all the way. Stay in touch. Love and Sunshine Kaza x

[fragileflower]

Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

Thanks again everyone...I am off to a meeting now (AA). I'm not a big fan of it, but maybe if I keep at it, it will help.

:thanks:
flower

[cpn1004]

Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

Fragileflower,
I did not have any continuous sobriety until AA. It was a pleasant surprise.
Good luck to you.

[autumn]

Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

Good morning Fragile,

I have been taking antabuse for nearly 3 months, it has been my lifeline and sanity saviour.
It has bought me AF time to properly realise the benefits of not drinking and the clarity to address my underlying problems and triggers.

I am also seeing a counsellor for AL addiction (he is prescribing the antabuse). I have researched at length about liver damage, and it is quite rare. However, had I continued to down a bottle of vodka a day, I would of deffo had liver damage! I had a liver check, and it was normal. (it was raised last year, but since quitting getting better) It is mostly a problem if you have existing liver damage.

For me antabuse takes away the daily battle in my head. Non negotable, end of debate, I cant drink. I can now begin toreflect with clarity the madness that was my drinking life!

I am using every tool poss to slay this beast. I hope in time you will feel able to talk to hubby, and he can support you.

Please, don't be scared, sobriety is an amazing journey that just gets better every day. Sending you :l and I hope it goes well at the docs tomorrow.

Please keep posting, this site offers the most awsome support.

[mauritiusdodo]

Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

Fragile, I logged on here intending to post about my problem with my DH and found your post, I can't help with the antabuse I'm afraid and my situation is a little different as my husband knows the extent of my drinking all too well, I just wanted to offer sympathy in the cloud you have hanging over you re: the threat of your marriage being over, my DH said something similar to me the last time I drank (6 days ago), not that he would leave me immediately but that in the long run if I didn't sort myself out he wouldn't always be with me, it is such an awful thing to have to consider on top of the stress and hardship of trying to quit the AL, I think (well hope) that part of the reason for the threat is thinking it will help us to quit but for me it just creates resentment my heart goes out to you hun :l Hope all goes well at the docs for you :l

[believer]

Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

Hi Fragile.

Although some people believe that the "tough love/ultimatum" approach will work, I think that it just drives many of us to more desperation and despair. Anyway, with regards to the Campral, it is prescribed specifically for people who are abstinent who are trying to avoid relapse (it is believed to work by correcting the gaba/glutimate imbalance which causes anxiety during abstinence and is a major cause of relapse). If your husband is made aware of that, perhaps he will see it as a good thing, because he will see that you are making an effort to remain sober.

Hope that helps.

[peacenik]

Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

i understand...don't have any words of wisdom...but i understand.

[mama bear]

Help...don't want to tell my husband the whole truth

my husband makes threats too, but he always forgives me
Your husband is being mean and unsupportive, but he may not know what else to do. He loves you and is terrified.
We alcoholics use any excuse to drink. I am not being cruel and my heart breaks for your situation, but don't let him be your excuse. Use the antabuse...it is a lifesaver if you take it faithfully