New...why can't I accomplish my goals??

[cordell13]

Hi,
I'm new here and have read a lot of the posts on moderating. This is my goal...to only drink a few drinks socially and not drink at all during the week or if I'm alone. I've been drinking since I was 21 but didn't become a heavy drinker until about 5 years ago. Just recently I finished a huge bottle of wine in one night. Thats when I became completely angry at myself and wanted to accomplish my goal. Well I was good for about 3 days and then this past weekend I finished a bottle of vodka and another huge bottle of wine. I didn't make it into work today because I was so hungover. I don't know why I drink alone. I don't know why I can't stop and I make these promises to myself all the time and never come through. I need to stop this. I did AA a year ago and decided it really wasn't for me. Though being sober for 2 months felt amazing. I just want to be able to drink socially and not alone. I always feel great when I'm not drinking and once I gain momentum, I'm good but once I've been bad, it's hard to stop. Though right now I feel like crap and am sick and tired of it. I've lost countless relationships due to alcohol and I need to get on with my life! Anyway, I guess I just needed to get this out there because no one knows about my alcohol problem....not my family and not my friends. I keep it so private but I'm dying on the inside. I'm glad I found this forum. I feel like I'm living one big lie and I don't want to do it anymore. Thanks for listening. I'll keep you posted on my progress. I'll consider today day one.:new:

[mollyka]

New...why can't I accomplish my goals??

Welcome Cordell, I think you've made a great start coming here! Most people start here wanting to moderate and some do but the vast majority unfortunately can't - I found that out a coupla times. The advice here would be to get a decent amount of alcohol free time under your belt (start with 30 days) before even contemplating moderating - you need to get the alcohol out of your system mentally and physically to make a rational decision on your drinking. Unfortunately, usually drinking that is a problem just becomes more of a problem as time goes on.
Try some AF time, you may find that you feel so well without the booze that you choose to stay that way!
Whatever you decide, hang around here and post and read - maybe try the newbies nest thread in 'just starting out'. I know I 'lived' there for bout a year when I started, and with the risk of sounding dramatic, I think it saved my life. Also have a look at the 'tool box' - located in the 'monthly abstainers' section - still can't do links!!
Molly

[mario]

New...why can't I accomplish my goals??

Cordell13 hi & welcome to mwo,
As mollyka says you would need to put in a 30 day plan and then decide what you want to do,and if its moderating good for you,There is a moderating thread here so after your 30 days you could pop in there, goodluck and keep us posted.

[Guest]

New...why can't I accomplish my goals??

Some great advice here Cordell. The thing is that part of this disease involves denial, and you have to figure out if your desire to moderate is genuine - or simply not wanting to let go of alcohol. If it is genuine moderation is possible, if it is simply a case of denial then you may have years and years of heartache to come if you do try to moderate.

Only you can figure this out.

[KundaliniGirl]

New...why can't I accomplish my goals??

Cordell, just wanted to welcome you. I agree that you must have an AF period of a minimum of 30 days. More is better. Only then will you get a clear picture of exactly what you need to do. Read everything you have time for on this site. And, books about addiction are helpful.

Sending you peace and strength,
KG

[rebirth]

New...why can't I accomplish my goals??

Hi Cordell,
I really related to your post as it reminded me of how I felt nearly a year ago. I use to attend AA meetings and I tried to moderate for nearly a whole year unsuccessfully. The reason was because I still had a strong compulsion to binge drink. I eventuelly abstained for nearly five months and this length of time broke many bad mental habits of mine. I learnt to live life without thinking I needed to drink on it.

I now drink socially and I never get drunk. I limit my intake. I dont know if I can keep this up but I am taking it one day at a time.

Good luck.

[jane jane]

New...why can't I accomplish my goals??

Welcome, Cordell. Excellent cautions here about the danger of thinking one can moderate. Every moderation attempt I made (I've lost count!) landed me right back in the ol' bottle-a-day (and I mean the large bottle, none o'these puny little fifths!) pinot grigio habit!

Here's what (I hope) will keep me abstaining forever: the realization that MODERATION IS NO FUN. It's a teaser. One or two glasses of wine? Only whets my appetite for the third...fourth...and so on.

I, like many others here, learned the hard way that tee-totaling is our only option. But do as others here suggest, and don't even think about making a decision for those 30 days.

Keep a journal and write down the good things that you notice during those 30 days: how you fought a bad craving and won, how you enjoyed an activity that would have been unthinkable while daytime-drunk (even something as simple as preparing a delicious meal or taking a brisk bike ride), how clear-eyed and free of shame you felt upon awaking...that sort of thing.

One more thing: don't be so sure your friends and family don't suspect. You may be high-functioning, and a very good actor, but (again, I speak from experience as both the above!) NOBODY'S that good an actor.

[cordell13]

New...why can't I accomplish my goals??

Thank you so much for everyone's response. I feel almost silly writing this down but I am only on day 2 and it's been really nice to not be drunk. My head feels clear and I feel pretty good. I'm cautious because it's only been 2 days but I'm actually looking forward to going to bed sober. That is when I usually drink the most...right before bed to pass out...but not tonight