again...

[InChains]

I don't know why I do this to myself, I have had a little less than a bottle of wine tonight, this may not seem a huge amount but I am so sick of doing this. I say I won't drink, so what do I do? I down a beer at 3.30 in the afternoon. I finish the leftover wine from a night with friends. And then I sit down and have to physically force myself not to drink more, I have to concentrate with every ounce of will in my body on -not opening that brandy bottle-. I really don't know what i'm asking, what help I need, I just can't seem to take the first steps. Tomorrow, or in an hours time I will look at this and I will think 'thats not me' and I will delete this from here and from my mind until tomorrow when I do the same thing again. I cannot seem to pull myself out of this - I just need a start

[Ozigal]

again...

In chains, I am hearing you! I am exactly the same, every morning I say I will not have any tonight, but when 5pm or6pm comes around I say, "Oh I'll just have a couple and go to bed early so I don't have to many". Then of course I have too many and beat myself up all over again. I don't know the answer but like you, am waiting to hear from others of their experiences.

All I know is I am so sick of this. WIshing you well

Ozi
xx

[Jolie]

again...

Hey guys - I've been where you are and I am sending cyberhugs your wa. :l

Could I make a suggestion to just get rid of all the AL in your house? This helped me immensely as the temptation was taken away.

Keep coming here - it really helps.

[vintage girl]

again...

IC, you didn't open the brandy bottle. And you are here, trying to sort yourself out. You too ozigal. Like Jolie said, banish the booze from the house if it helps, it is only torturing you. Maybe make a plan to do something different and distracting around your drinking time.

I wish I could say or do more, but I hope it helps to know that we are rooting for you. :l

[Tipplerette]

again...

We could do this together ... it's only my second day AF and I drink almost daily although it's just wine and not an alarming amount by some standards. Sound like you? I want to refrain from now until April 19th at least and maybe to Easter if I can. Then I plan to moderate but have no set plan yet. If we do this together it just might work.

Tips

[lil.michelle]

again...

Hi Hunni,
I also agree with getting rid of all the AL in the house.. THAT'S AT START. Quiting drinking is really hard. Please just don't be too hard on yourself. Try to look at the positive in every situation.

I personally think the worst thing you can do is say.. I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN.. urgg.. you know what happens when you tell a child NEVER touch that, NEVER do that.. they do it.. if someone sat you down and said NEVER touch at big red button.. hands up now... who would touch it.. i damn well would *lol* Telling yourself you're never going to drink is a bad idea cause we're human and we can never be told not to do something.

Take everyday at a time. If you can make half a day without drinking.. GREAT! That's a whole half a day without AL... if you manage that 4 times a week that would add up too 2 days AF. If you can make it a day without AL, FANTASTIC.. at least you had one day where you gave your body a break. If you mess up, at least you're trying. You are doing more then a lot of people out there!

Try and look at it in different ways, for example... My little 11 month old boy is learning to walk.. He used to spend 100% of his time on his ass, then he learnt to stand so he spent 90% on his ass, now he's learning to walk he spends 80% on his ass.. He's leanring, contanstantly falling down but getting back up, everyday he's getting better and better. Some days he's not as good as other days but so what! Even when he's learnt to walk, he'll fall over from time to time cause lets face it.. we trip, we stumble, we fall. DO we just sit on our asses and give up.. NO, We get up with as much dignity we can, hope no one has seen and walk quickly off *lol* (i do this ALOT) It's the same as AL,, we're all learning and part of learning is to get it wrong.

Look on the positive side and you'll not surround yourself with as much negativity and depression!!!!

[jane jane]

again...

I agree with Lil.Michelle! Never say "never." Instant recipe for failure, because our stubborn little psyches just want to rebel against that. Far better (for me, anyway) to say, "I won't drink at the brunch tomorrow," or "I'll just have diet tonic and lime at the party tomorrow night," or "I'll just 'forget' to get the wine for dinner tonight, and let my husband go to the shop..." (which means he'll choose red instead of white, and it's the white I luuuuuurrrrrve).

InChains, you'll make it. And you'll feel so proud!

[Doggygirl]

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Hi again TG. I just now saw this post from yesterday. I hope today is better.

I can totally relate to what you describe. The promising myself I won't drink. The "just one drink" drink that leads to many more drinks. The self flogging. The repetion on subsequent days.

I can't tell you what will work for you. I can only talk about what worked for me. And there are lots of people on this site talking about what is working for them. I encourage you to read all those posts, and formulate a plan of action. Write it down. Be willing to go to any length. Try things you were previously unwilling to try. (I had to!) Re-read the toolbox thread.

I think it's hugely important to ask for help. Ask your family to help you by locking down the booze or getting it out of the house. You are so young - I hate to see AL rob you of your life!!!!

It is also very normal for our minds to forget about the bad experiences. That is necessary I guess to convince ourselves that another "fix" is in order. I hope you can at least find a way to remind yourself where "one drink" leads. I know that once I start, I simply cannot stop. I can't. The only solution for me is to not take the first drink.

Let us know how we can support your efforts.

DG

[Bruunhilde]

again...

IC and Ozzygirl, I also relate and the first thing I'll say, is drinking ramps up over time. Now is the time to avoid future regrets, if you can contain your drinking to less than what you're doing today, or eliminate it, you will save your future and not have the regrets so many of us have as AL overtook us. Always said it wouldn't but it did...

If you're struggling like this (like those of us here also do) to not drink, you will probably always struggle until you get a plan down and set your mind to it, as DG says, and also you may want to try various medications. Topa and Baclofen are good drugs for ALism, and for helping you obstain. There's always Nal, which if you look on the drugs forum you'll see here and there, is a drug you take 30 minutes before you will be fighting the beast, and it helps with cravings. Buy a big tub of L-Glutamine powder, and stir a couple of scoops in water 2-3 times a day and drink it. Helps with carb cravings including AL carbs.

You still need to steel yourself like you did against the Brandy bottle IC, but it helps. I find distracting myself helps alot, like, I'm about to go have a drink but instead I go look at the pile of laundry, or play ball with the dog. It helps buy you some time. And time makes all the difference. As Lil'Michele said so beautifully, we all fall down. But it's the continued standing up that will make the change happen. You grow that time before you drink and between drinks, exchange a glass of wine with sparkling water or add sparkling water to your wine to make it seem like more. I found having a sparkling water mixed with cranberry was a good distraction, I use sugar free or Trader Joe's unfiltered preferably. Otherwise the sugar in the cranberry cocktail will NOT help your cravings. Beware sugar!

[Beachbump]

again...

Thanx Bruunhill for very good advise. I did not know that there are meds to help with cravings and surely will get some L-Glutimine. This is my 11 th day AF and I' m not struggling at the moment. No cravings but in 2-3 weeks time it will start - that is what happens every time. As I'm living in a 3rd world country therapy is not available and I'n looking for a online life coach - I believe it will also help working through issues???

[Audrey14]

again...

Hi In Chains!!!

Don't give up on yourself!!! I'll do the same..I had wonderful 11 AL free days than slipped..After i have 3-4 drinking days, 4 - 5 AL free days..Today my Day 1..But i want AL free days without interraption!!
But you know - one thought inside me is very loud and persistant - i'll try it again and again...again.. i don't give up..some months ago i coudn't imagine that i can do this..

Of course i can't keep AL at home and when i leave some open bottle i can start to drink in the morning..
Another thing which is helping me so much: when i drink i have very bad night sleep, anxiety etc. When i have sober days, my sleep is peaceful, my mornings aren't so stressed..Now when i expierienced this wonderful feeling of peace and lack of anxiety i WANT to get it again..again..

Wish you a good night!!!!

Audrey

[piper123]

again...

audrey I am the same way. I started drinking again and the nightmares were awful. And now today I am so full of anxiety and sadness. If I can get through tonight today will be my day 1. Earlier I thought how nice it would be to have a glass of wine. I'd have to go to the store to buy it. I just can't.

[mauritiusdodo]

again...

Ozigal;1081597 wrote: In chains, I am hearing you! I am exactly the same, every morning I say I will not have any tonight, but when 5pm or6pm comes around I say, "Oh I'll just have a couple and go to bed early so I don't have to many". Then of course I have too many and beat myself up all over again. I don't know the answer but like you, am waiting to hear from others of their experiences.

All I know is I am so sick of this. WIshing you well

Ozi
xx

Me too! Inchains this is a vicious cycle many of us seem to be stuck in, like others have said I think the initial plan is changing your habits, find something to distract yourself at the 'danger time' each day, I have started a course in an evening which prevents me on one day a week, just need to figure out the other 6 days now!! This site is full of lovely supportive people who know just how you are feeling so keep reading and posting

[Bruunhilde]

again...

You guys, I so relate, and I sympathize, it's a trap you're in and you have to claw your way out anyway you can.

I may get crap for sharing this, but what has helped me IMMENSELY in the last two days was xanax. When I have an extra difficult day, or I'm all wound up for an unknown reason, and I think "I can't wait for that drink tonight" but then realize I can't drink, I'm staying AF, I get sad. But not so sad I drink, I'm on a diet and it's costing me money and INJECTIONS make it SO real. I can't drink and ruin what is my last hope at regaining some youthful good looks and much better health. I CAN'T. And if you're reading this thinking, no way I could go AF, think again. You can go read my thread in the meds forum and see my journey with baclofen and drinking. Three months ago I was where you are.

So I have xanax for anxiety panic attacks like that, and I'm using it big time. When I really am going to crack and have the AL, I take 2mg of xanax (1mg wait 30 mins then another if absolutely needed). It's better than drinking is my reasoning. It really helps alot. Waiting for the med to work and having sparkling water or tea, and doing something like cruising Youtube distracts me, the suddenly I don't feel as desperate and can control it.

It takes a couple of weeks to reduce the severity of the craving, but EATING helps tremendously with the cravings. Eat protein, not sugar, sugar can make you crave more sugar and AL is the king of all sugars. A doctor once said if you consider fruit is sugar (fructose) is a metabolic fuel of a natural type, then refined sugar is gasoline and more than our bodies are able to deal with. AL is then the highest form of sugar, it's like jet fuel to your body which is why you get accustomed and crave it so much and nothing else compares. I taper from hard liquor to wine to beer to attempt to reduce my hard drinking and then start reducing the beer over time. The meds help to get to this point too.

You can usually order it online, it's expensive tho. I'm about to run out and am desperately hoping the doctor on Monday will refill.

Wishing you all peace and an AF day following an AF day.

[missyabby1]

again...

Hi again,
There are so many people here who relate to what you are going through......I would start off with the wine and then go on to copious cups of coffee laced with brandy.

I went to my doctor and was prescribed Campral.....there was no drama about it and she was very sympathetic. I had a wonderful honeymoon period of ten days AF...just lost the cravings entirely.........I then had a few slips but hey things are really good now.
I know this med doesn't work for everyone but I have been lucky enough to have no side effects and my sober days are now far outweighing the days I have a drink.

I feel I am well on the way to breaking the cycle. Unfortunately it would appear alcohol really messes with our brain neurotransmitters and it gets to the point where the brain is demanding the stuff.!

Anyway just thought I'd pass on my experience and you will get lots of support on this forum whichever way you choose to go.

Good luck with it all and be kind to yourself.....you are on your way just by being here.

Missy :h