Desperate

[mauritiusdodo]

I have seriously lost the plot again I am so sick of myself and my life and my inability to quit AL I don't know what the hell is wrong with me I seem to be on a self destruct mission :upset:

[cymru]

Desperate

How long has the drinking gone on for dodo? Are you drinking this morning? My experience is after 3-5 days of constant drinking, morning, noon and night, I would get to the point where I couldn't keep it down anymore. I don't know where your at right now, and how much your drinking, but I know you'll prob feel like shit and your mind may well be shot. Have a bath, try and have some soup and I always kept vit supps which helped. Can of coke was always good too!!
Keep in touch.

[mylife]

Desperate

Hello Mauri,

Have you thought about trying any of the meds to help out? Or, maybe attending an AA meeting to get some face to face support? This is a really nasty addiction to break, my heart goes out to you.

Good luck on your journey. You can do this! :l

[mauritiusdodo]

Desperate

Thanks everyone, I never drink in the day only in the evenings but I just can't keep up the AF days I do about 3 days and then give in to the cravings I am just so rubbish at quitting :upset: I feel so depressed today I just know I have to do this :upset: I don't want to go down the meds route I am too embarrassed to see my doc again although I know i should, I might try AA again but I am worried my hubby will get cross about that :upset:

[Tipplerette]

Desperate

I hear ya loud and clear. Feeling like a failure myself. I stayed awake all night and could not stop thinking about the reasons to stay away from the wine. I really have a hard time with giving it up; more than I would like to admit. For the amount I drink you would think it would not be to the point of addiction but IT IS !! Scary !! I need some hand holding and so do you. Want to do this together? Let's just worry about tonight for now. I will take the L-Glut and drink lots of water. What is your plan?

[ThreeDogNight]

Desperate

AA chat room

I don't know if the chat room differs from the on line meetings, but I just logged on as a guest, and there are some very mean people on it, in my opinion!

TDN:new:

[Cinders]

Desperate

TDN,

I am so sorry you ran into some rude individuals as a "newbie." After a while you will learn who is helpful and who is not.

Remember, some people in chat are drunk. I know I do horrible things when drunk, so I simply can't judge.

However, I did want to say :welcome: and I hope you find your way out!!

Maritsudodo,

I cannot say that AA helped me a lot but it does help so many. If you need to go to AA to get sober, that is way more important than your husband being angry.

I am sorry you are struggling so much.

I still struggle and lose often. I am an "oldie" but not such a "goodie."

However, I am never, ever, ever going to give up. Sober today and so happy I am.

Cindi

[Bluejay]

Desperate

Mauritius,

I'm sorry you are struggling and feeling so down right now.

You mention you've logged some AF days. That's harm reduction. That's a good thing. In
SMART Recovery those AF days still count even it you've starting drinking again. You may not be at your goal right now (I'm not either) but you are working towards it.

Please do something nice for yourself today.

ThreeDogNight,

Please give chat another try, another time. This is a great group of people. I'm sorry you ran into some meanies.

best,

[hopesprings]

Desperate

Sheri,
You're so right about that internal onversation that goes on - "you deserve this - its been a long day - you've been good - its only a couple of drinks" etc etc. Seems that in the throes of the addiction it only takes the alcohol a couple of nudges and the addict caves in.

Mauritius,
I'm only in early days too, but for me if I can put off that internal conversation for 5, 10 mins and concentrate on something else for half an hour, its a start, it means I haven't caved straight away, and even those baby steps are something to be proud of. What I'm realising is how long the road to recovery is, and I'm shit scared that I'm going to be battling this for the rest of my life, but at least I'll be living a whole life.

Keep on talking and being strong.:l

[Chillgirl]

Desperate

For years I'd wake up every morning and say I'm not going to drink today, then by mid morning the hangover would become manageable and I'd already be planning my drinking for that night. Towards the end I'd get right up until the early evening then usually the "f**k it" mentality would win. Eventually I developed a thought process that when that f**k it mentality struck I'd tell myself that if I couldn't get through that one night without drinking I would never get through any night. At the start one day at a time is the best way to tackle it. Don't worry about the next day, just tell yourself that for today, I will not drink.

[Want to Stop]

Desperate

I feel you!

I am in the same position. I always tell myself I will not drink. Today would have been day 9 if I had remained AF. The conversation in my head is truly unbelievable. How can I be on the brink of losing everything precious to me and still allow that conversation to win out? It is totally baffling. What I know is that I will not drink today. It is 1:33am where I am...I will not drink today. I will pray, go to work, hit AA and not drink. Everything else, I pray, will fall into place. As long as I am not drinking, I know things will be better. It is simply insanity! I know this addiction can be beat. So many people have beat it and continue to beat it. I simply pray that I am one of those that beat the addiction! I am certain that if I rely on God, and pray without ceasing I can beat it. I realize that alone was a huge part of my problem today. I did not start my day on my knees. If I remember to do that, I can be AF! You can too!
Do not give up!

[RedJib]

Desperate

Sheri, what you've just written is some of the best and most succint advice on the MWO boards. You laid out exactly how to resist our tendency to let that thought creep in (however briefly) 'it'll be okay just this once....' It should be an electronic handout to everybody who signs up here. A big "thanks" to you.

[Bluejay]

Desperate

I wonder how Maurit is doing today?

[magdalana]

Desperate

I am having a hard time also, had 2 AF days last week then gave myself permission to drink on Sunday.
I got super drunk and fell.*I didn't remember falling at all, but the bump on my head and very sore arm and shoulder were proof, I later asked my husband and he confirmed the fall. What were the triggers, can't really be sure, I had quite a good day and things are going well.
Anyway, if at first you don't suceed..............
I am not going to beat myself up about it, I am going to be proud of the days I did not drink or moderated!!!
BTW I have met some really supportive and kind people on chat!!

[free at last]

Desperate

Dear Mauritius,
Your story is similar to mine, which is similar to many people at MWO. I heard some really good advice several months ago from a senior member. When the cravings come, think of them as a wave. While you may feel in the middle of a huge surf, eventually the tide changes, and the sea becomes calm. You are among people who want you to be happy and at peace.