In A Bad Place

[Gidget1016]

I feel like I'm at my witts end! For some reason I still can't understand I decided to drink last night. Had a couple of glasses of wine then decided to go next door to my neighbors and have a few more. I made a complete ass out of myself....could barely walk home, passed out on the couch and I don't remember much. I can't think of a time that I have felt more disgusted with myself. I feel utter and complete despair. My husband was worried and also very upset with me.

I'm not sure what to do next. I spent the whole day wallowing around, nursing a hangover and feeling like I am going to loose my mind. I can't' go on like this...I'm going to drive myself crazy. I don't understand how I could have been doing well and then just completely stumbled. I need to get off of this roller coaster and I'm not sure how to do it.

[Jolie]

In A Bad Place

Gidget,

Here is a hug for you neighbor :l We are all in the same boat here so tell us your troubles and we'll listen!

Have to run off but will check in with you tomorrow. Hope you can have a peaceful nights sleep!

Jolie

[akgirl]

In A Bad Place

Hi Gidget,
We can all relate.... But don't beat yourself up, it won't help. Now off the rollercoaster and back on the wagon. I have fell a couple times since I started but it just makes me realize how much better I feel sober. Sometimes it takes getting burned to remind us to stay away from the fire.

Now pick yourself up and get back at it...you can do it!

[greeneyes]

In A Bad Place

Gidget, you made an unfortunate choice. You'll have that same chance again and again.... What you may find helpful (if not essential) is a good solid plan with tools in place ready to use when you get the temptation. You can move forward from this (what's done is done) and use it as a learning opportunity to revamp and fortify your plan. Turn the stumbling block into a stepping stone, right? You might want to browse the tool box thread for starters!

[mylife]

In A Bad Place

Hi Gidget,

I've been struggling with this journey myself and I am continually baffled by this sicknesss and how it can control me! I know a lot of us have been there. For me, I just decided to keep getting back on this wagon until I stick! In my mind I just will never drink again. There are no ifs ands or buts -- I just never want to feel bad/sick/guilty over this poison again!

You can get your resolve back. I agree with greeneyes - go read the tool box threads. They're always helpful. Good Luck! You can do this!!

[mumofsix]

In A Bad Place

Hey Gidget - I am writing this to you from way around the other side of the world in New Zealand so YOURE not alone lol. At the moment my husband is away on your side of the world in the states. I am an alcoholic and a total fitness finatic. I have 6 children and look after them extremely well. Today i went for a 15k run ( 12 miles in your lingo), took the kids to the movies and then McDonalds and now as I type I am sat down with a glass of wine. My kids are fine they have had dinner and showers and are watching TV before bed. I have gone THREE days sober before I hit the wine! We have all been where you are - my inlaws are loaded "Rich" and own a shoe chain in NZ a stunning 5 million dollar house - I have got that drunk that I spewed on their carpet during a family gathering in front of my brother and sister inlaws, i have spewed in my husbands car that he is so bloody proud of on the way home from an anniversary ball - the photo from that night of me in my daughters size 8 dress with my husband is my prized possession. If I knew how to post photos I'd show you that photo.We are all human hun and beating yourself up isnt going to fix the problem. Just get up tomorrow and make a promise to yourself - like I will tomorrow. I actually like myself because I do alot of good stuff in amongst my drinking - in fact NO ONE knows I'm a pisshead cause I am so onto it!!! What good stuff have you done amongst your bad stuff today. Start there and get some self esteem, work on the fact that your family loves you and CHANGE for them. I have an ADHD/Tourettes child and a cancer kid and they are both such hard work but I do my best. Start with your best. I gave up smoking - it took 5 times till I did it and I'd never have another cigarette. Alcohol will be the same too for me real soon. DO YOU WANT TO GO SOBER WITH ME? PS I am running the NY marathon in November. We should make a promise to EACH OTHER today and them you should travel and meet me in New York. I dont know how far it is from you being a NZER but if I can travel 20 hours to do NY you can travel a few to meet me. This could be something we plan! A goal. PS my hubbie is NOT a big drinker lol! So exciting

[Stargazerlily]

In A Bad Place

Hey Gidget,
I understand how you feel, I did the same thing the last time I decided to have, "a drink." Ha. Went way overboard and felt so ashamed. I have used that memory over and over again. Everytime I even think of taking a drink, I think of that last time, the worry and concern of family, and the shame and guilt I felt. If a craving hits me, then I go to my mental toolbox and pick something to do. Eat, make a cup of tea, read, call a friend, talk to my husband, and get through it ODAT. That's all any of us can do. We have an allergy to alcohol, and have to treat it as such.

You are a good person, you care, you have regrets. Know this and just try again. We are here for you. PM me any time.:l

[Gidget1016]

In A Bad Place

Thank You

Thanks for all of the support and kind words. I feel better today but am still a little depressed about the whole thing. I'm so sick and tired of trying and then failing....this is so unhealthy and it is a very dangerous place to be. I went to the Toolbox, as suggested yesterday and one of the things that came to me is that I have not surrendered to the fact that I have this problem...it's like I know it but I keep fighting it, thinking I can handle it. I need to let go and accept this and this is my plan for this week....surrender.

One thing that has been coming to me is yesterday is "I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me". Not sure why but it keeps coming to me over and over. I need to get out of this self-defeating, dangerous, degrading place.

I'm going to apply for a promotion today, take a walk and try to make something good for Sunday dinner. Try to pick myself up and keep moving and work on letting go this week.

Hope everyone has a great Sunday.

[Doggygirl]

In A Bad Place

Hi Gidget. I'm a little late to this thread and I'm guessing you have posted updates elsewhere that I have not seen.

I just wanted to tell you how it really struck me reading your post about surrender.

When I first came to My Way Out. I thought I wanted to quit drinking for good. That's what I said here on the forum and that's what I said to my husband. That's even what I said to myself. I bought the starter kit and took the supplements and did the diet and exercise recommendations. It worked!! But after 60 days I drank. And I drank because I thought I could "control it now." I hadn't FULLY 100% accepted my status as an alcholic who can never safely drink.

After that relapse I struggled for about 8 months until I FINALLY accepted the truth 100%. That sure made things a little easier for me. I hope it works out that way for you too.

The path to AFness is not always easy, but IMO it's totally worth it. I wish you the very best.

DG