I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

[sunshine_gg]

Yes, I've been hiding out... because (you guessed it) I'm not ok.

I lost my mom 2 months ago. No, we weren't terribly close - funny enough, that doesn't make it any easier. I managed to get my papers in order to go back home and it was a wonderful trip, actually. Lots of family support, that I didn't expect. Still, so much guilt and so many questions.

Fast forward to a week ago. I lost Sophie. Plowed down in a freak accident. Left in a pool of blood. Granted, it's 'only' a horse. Only a pet. Whatever. She was so much more than that to me, though. Perhaps more than my mother? (There's the guilt again)

And, let's not forget Tom, who hung himself last September. Not sure I've really got over that one yet, either.

No.. I'm not ok. I'm not sure that/if I'm asking for help.. not like I don't know that my way of 'coping' isn't helping... just to let you all know.. I'm not ok. I'm hurting. I'm really, really grieving.. not sure I've ever done that before. It sucks. It really hurts.

[sunshinedaisies]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

My dear Sunny - I am so sorry for all that you are going through. It must be so so hard for you right now - and Sophie wasn't 'just a pet' - she was your special friend - as lots here can agree with - they are part of you and when they leave you, you lose part of yourself. You have to grieve, just as you do when you lose a close friend - 'cos that is what they are. You have had a lot of unexpected losses in a short space of time and are reeling from them. it is no wonder that you are in a state of shock. I feel for you - there is nothing anyone can do - time is the only healer, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hurt for you and wish I could hold you and give you a big hug. Hang in there my friend,

Love and hugs to you,

sunshinedaisies XXX

[LVT25]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

That is a lot of pain to deal with in a very short amount of time. I think our systems become overloaded and we don't know how to handle it. I don't have much advice, but I'm glad you called on your support system here. I hope you have someone you can talk to that can give you love, hugs and support in person. Of course I don't have to remind you that drinking will NOT help anything.
I'll say a prayer for you and please know I care. :l

[Lavande]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

Aw Sunni,

I've been thinking about you lately. I'm so sorry for your losses!
Too much happening all at once is hard for anyone. Please know that you are missed & loved very much here. Sending you strength & love.

I felt like I knew Ms Sophie too, we talked so much about her in the past :l
Please stay in touch & let us help if we can. :h

Lav

[Doggygirl]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

Hi Sunny. I am so sorry to read about the accident with your horse. Not an easy thing ever. And especially when you lost your Mom so recently. :l You already know that drinking doesn't help, so I won't harp on that.

My Mom is a horse lover. She has minature horses and shetland ponies now, but at one time she had two regular sized horses. She dreamed for years of having her own barn at home. She finally got one and was so happy to finally have her horses at home.

They hadn't even been home a year before one of them leaned against the paddock gate and it came open. Both of them wandered out and eventually wandered onto the highway. Both were hit. One died right away, but the other was alive with a crushed leg. There was an excrutiating (for horse and humans) trip to a large animal vet, only to end up having to put him down. To this day I can't think about that with dry eyes. So I do understand - believe me.

Drinking won't change any of it, unfortunately. I wish you strength in facing your sadness and grief. :l

DG

[Starlight Impress Forever]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

So very sorry to read of all you`ve gone/are going through.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Much love,

Star x

[madmans]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

Sunny i am very sad to hear about your Sophie , anyone who has ever had a pet they loved will know how you feel to lose one. i remember when your Mother died and was also thinking about you this week when Softy's Mother died. I don't think anyone who has lost a parent does not feel guilty , i also think it's is part of the grieving process . Take good care of yourself .MM

[fluff]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

Wow- You really have been through the ringer! I am so sorry for all you have been through- makes my life look like a cake walk-
Sunny-I hope you get through all this- I don't know what else to say to you except that I really feel for you and hope things start to look up, I am so sorry for the losses you've been through.
:hFluff

[Guitarista]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

Hi Sunshine,

I'm sorry to hear of your losses. All so damn recent. In my experience, the pain does become less, but only with time. I hope you use all and any support around you, including here, as you are.

Look after yourself, and keep safe. Greg x

[RedJib]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

I hope you're okay, you've been through an awful time and the grieving sounds like it's really acute. No shame in that at all, those are multiple losses of loved ones.

Our family's fist dog got sick and died within a four week period, in the prime of his life, back in 2003. If someone had asked me before that time how we'd cope with losing a dog, I'd probably have looked a bit bemused, smiled and said "no problem, of course." Well, the reality was completely different. We were all stunned with grief, almost incapacitated for a couple of days, and then there were still periods every day of huge sadness for weeks and weeks afterwards. I just had no idea how a pet could become so close to our hearts (and I see now that it was partly because we included him in everything, took him on vacations, etc. He was a full member of the family.) Even my MIL's passing a couple of years ago didn't affect us like that (she was 90, with end stage AD).

A mom and a loved equine companion both passing in a couple of months, that can be huge grief. Try to let yourself just be with it when the sadness (and maybe anger) comes. It will pass (I know everybody says that, trying to be supportive and helpful, but it really is true.)
Jib

[byebyebridgetjones]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

Oh NO Sunny bum !

Not your beautiful horse !

You must be feeling devastated. I hope you have the opportunity to just go to bed and cry and treat yourself gently.

Thinking of you love.

Bridge X

[witchywoman]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

Sunny
Im so sorru for the loss of your horse, I beleive that our pets are our soulmates, as we connect with them in such a differentway from other peoiple, its almost a spiritual/enegy connection, one that cannot be replaced, One of my cats went missing about 5 years ago & i knew she was dead as i could not feel her energy with me anymore, but she comes to see me every now and then in my dreams.
I wish you peace

[greeneyes]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

Oh, sunnyb... I'm terribly sorry you're feeling such pain. Lots of virtual arms around you here and I hope you can get some face-to-face support where you are. You will come out on the other side of this; in the process, please try to treat yourself gently. :h

[cyclefan]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

Hey Sunni I hardly ever check in to this part of MWO anymore but for some reason tonight I found myself drawn here only to read your heartbreaking news. You have done such great work over the past couple of years for yourself, it's a huge blow to lose the closest things to you after you have done so much to grow and develop, you want the good things to stay close to you to celebrate your new wellness! I understand your pain.

Please accept my most sincere condolences for your loss.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I'm not ok.. I'm sorry

Oh GG I am sorry and more so for my not picking up recently how bad things had gotten for you. Here for you anytime honey.