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    #16
    Major emotional pain

    whew! Thank you guys I am feeling very supported here and it's worth a lot.
    I did just call him back because I figured it would eat me up all day if I didn't. It went okay. When I say "okay" I don't even know what normal is so who knows. The sky didn't fall in. I talked with step mom first and just asked to talk to my dad. He couldn't answer any question without consulting her. so really screw this. I know that is a teenage way of handling this. I guess I'd say I am not impressed with him at the moment. He sounded annoyed when he got off the phone with me and that's just stupid. At least I don't feel scared anymore. God this is stupid that I would feel like a bad child when I've done nothing wrong. It makes me wonder if all those times I felt this way where in fact him just failing ME.

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      #17
      Major emotional pain

      Choice....I just wanted to send a big hug to you. I feel the pain and panic in your posts. I have a similar situation with my Dad....he is mentally abusive and the worst thing is...I don't think they even realize the impact that they have on us. As for my "StepMonster", I can't even have a conversation with my Dad without her being on the phone...they literally put me on the speaker phone so I have to talk to both of them....finally, I just stopped talking to him and believe me, it has hepled. It does make me feel bad sometimes but not nearly as bad as dealing with the nagging and criticism. You should feel so good about yourself for not turning to alcohol, which only makes things worse. Just know that I will be praying for you and you definately have friends on this site that care about you.
      Gidget 1016

      "Sometimes you've got to let everything go - purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out":h

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        #18
        Major emotional pain

        Hi Choice.

        Well done on staying off the booze. Keep it going.

        Here are some N.Z. phone number's that i hope are current, and may be useful if you don't have them already. A few seem to be in Auckland? Anyway, talking to anyone is a very good release, and helps give us a balanced perspective i reckon. Take care of yourself.

        Lifeline (09) 522 2999. - 0800 543 354.

        Lifeline Franklin. - (09) 238 4444.

        Salvation army - (09) 379 4150.

        Alcohol helpline - 0900 787 797.

        Alcoholics anonymous - 0800 229 6757. - (09) 366 6688.

        St. Vincent de paul society - (09) 815 6122.

        Barnardo's family resources - 0800 222 345.

        'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

        Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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          #19
          Major emotional pain

          Thank you

          I just wanted to check in and say thanks to everyone. I've got to re-read and re-read because it is so very helpful. I am still sober. This week was about as difficult as the first 30 days AF. Which I thought were the hardest. I am ok. just ok. But that is so much better then the dark place I could have gone. I'm hanging in there. Mostly I'm trying to manage my anger today, and be productive. All I can say is I'm so glad I'm sober. I've got long list of stuff to do (to keep me just busy busy....) so got to go and keep on moving around physically... laundry.... cleaning closets... etc... These issues are pretty big so I'm just going to give myself a break today from them and move around doing whatever. Mostly I'm trying to keep what I'm doing today simple and manageable. It's not as if these demons are going anywhere. But just for today I'm going to turn my back on them. Thank you everyone.

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