Fear, Anxiety

[Hayley]

After a binge in which I drank vodka 3 nights, I am experiencing crazy fear and anxiety. I am seriously freaking out. All day and all night, so far, the fear has just hung over me like an evil spirit!

I have spent a while sober before this binge. Over a year. But I convinced myself a few months ago that I can drink now, no problem, and not overdo it. And I did very well for most of the times, but inevitably I wind up completely blowing it. Every time.

[Chillgirl]

Fear, Anxiety

Hayley - well done on being sober for over a year, that's a fantastic achievement! Its very easy to forget how bad things were and have these thoughts that we can now control our drinking but we can't. You need to stop and the anxiety will start to ease off, try and drink lots of water to flush it out your system and get rid of any AL you have at home. You can get back on board, please check back in and let us know how you are doing.

[Guest]

Fear, Anxiety

That old denial does sneak up on us unawares, can be quite easy to say "Well it was only the once, it wasn't that bad, I didn't drink in the morning, it was only a slip............."

Best way is to recognise it before it goes right into a full blown relapse.

[greeneyes]

Fear, Anxiety

Hayley, great job on a year. I did something similar. I didn't end up with a binge but close. It was a deal-sealer for me. I know without any doubt whatsoever I cannot drink. It took any thoughts of ever drinking not just in a normal fashion which is what I fancied, but AT ALL. It's a relief of sorts. That said, you know the anxiety is just a side effect. It will pass. Eat well, lots of water, rest and you'll pull out of it.

[Hayley]

Fear, Anxiety

Well, I am now awake after actually sleeping last night. It's been 2 days now since I drank. I don't feel tops, but I do feel better than yesterday. I think I'm going to fast today, just flush everything out. I do have to work, which I'm not looking forward to at all, but I will survive.

The anxiety is so awful. Wow so horrible!

Thanks everyone for all the support, it helps so much. It's really calming to read your words.

[Hayley]

Fear, Anxiety

Just to clarify, I had been sober when I posted this. The anxiety was in the aftermath of drinking: the next day. I drank for 3 nights this week, every other night. So the binge lasted six days with a recovery day in between. But the last recovery day, yesterday, was like an endless pit of total terror. Ugh. Today is day 2 sober, and I still don't feel so great. But I'm definitely a bit better than yesterday.

[RedJib]

Fear, Anxiety

Hi Hayley, hang in there, you can do this!
I thought for the longest time that my chronic anxiety was a personality or temperament issue, something permanently a part of me. It would ebb and flow (especially since, like you, I tended to binge drink. I have a hunch that makes it worse, but I never stopped long enough before to find out.) I recently posted on another thread that it was a huge surprise to find that after a couple of months AF, I didn't have that anxiety anymore. After two decades of living with it, I discovered that "it" was a side effect of alcohol, rather than a cause of my drinking. It just amazed me.
I hope your anxiety goes quiet and eventually disappears, too. Good luck
Jib

[Hayley]

Fear, Anxiety

RedJib;1102079 wrote: Hi Hayley, hang in there, you can do this!
I thought for the longest time that my chronic anxiety was a personality or temperament issue, something permanently a part of me. It would ebb and flow (especially since, like you, I tended to binge drink. I have a hunch that makes it worse, but I never stopped long enough before to find out.) I recently posted on another thread that it was a huge surprise to find that after a couple of months AF, I didn't have that anxiety anymore. After two decades of living with it, I discovered that "it" was a side effect of alcohol, rather than a cause of my drinking. It just amazed me.
I hope your anxiety goes quiet and eventually disappears, too. Good luck
Jib

Yeah, Jib, it's amazing how wonderful life becomes when I am AF for a long time. Everything stabilizes in my world and I feel peaceful and great. Then, when I drink a little bit, I have fun BUT...the next few days I notice that I don't have my normal joyful feelings as I go about my day. And when I've binged, forget about it. It's awful!

The anxiety does go, after a while. It always goes. Today, I am just taking massive amounts of vitamin c. I cleaned my house, and I'm going to work later. Work scares me a bit, but I know that when it's over I'll probably feel a lot better. So here goes.

[ATLThrash]

Fear, Anxiety

Hayley--I found that even if I drank one or two beers I would feel crushing anxiety and would not sleep at all that night. I finally realized that that must be the change in my brain from the booze-- that it would produce that effect no matter how little I drank. The only thing I did when it happened is just told myself over and over (and I know it is hard)-- as soon as I get some distance from this (a day or two or more if I drank a bunch) I will be much better, I will sleep again etc. But the anxiety is normal and so is the fear-- it does leave when you stop for a while

[Hayley]

Fear, Anxiety

Yeah, I am home from work. I am staying sober. I feel some real anxiety now, but it started after I drank some coffee at work to be more peppy. It's interesting that you say you have anxiety after only one or two beers. I feel like if I kept drinking-even very rarely-I'd probably wind up in the same place. Booze and me do not mix well, period.

[ATLThrash]

Fear, Anxiety

Well relative to some others my consumption was not astronomical but since alcohol issues are so personal the amount was causing me problems-- not as in I missed work, or drove drunk or acted crazy etc-- it just got to the point where I felt anxiety and guilt after any drinks. It took a while to reach that point of course (I drank heavily for about 3 years and the last year it was exactly how you described) Like RedJib I always thought my anxiety was just part of my make up and to some extent it was pre-drinking and still is but it was definitely made a million times worse by drinking. I would also feel so depressed which -- DUH-- alcohol is a depressant-- but this was just such depression I really felt as if I was losing my mind. It took me a long time as a pretty intelligent person to understand that I cannot define why or when it happened but something changed with me and alcohol-- I kept chasing the old feeling which was non-guilty and carefree -- I would drink less than I did in the "old days" when I never felt guilty or anxious even if I overindulged-- and I wondered why do I feel like this-- maybe I will switch back to the old way---just didn't happen and I don't think for me that it ever can-- even if I took great care to never drink more than one or two drinks occasionally I would feel that same nagging guilt and anxiety. I know because I experimented with it for a year or so and it just did not work-- but we all have to learn our own way. Not too long ago we had an all day function with lots of beer and I drank 6 beers over all day and half the night-- I felt terrible and I was a wreck-- was not drunk , no stupid actions and I was a headcase. I realized then-- okay-- experiment over-- this is not working for you. Just another part of the learning curve. Hang in there Hayley-- you can get off the roller coaster and feel so much better!

[Audrey14]

Fear, Anxiety

I cannot define why or when it happened but something changed with me and alcohol-- I kept chasing the old feeling which was non-guilty and carefree -- I would drink less than I did in the "old days" when I never felt guilty or anxious even if I overindulged-- and I wondered why do I feel like this-- maybe I will switch back to the old way---just didn't happen and I don't think for me that it ever can-- even if I took great care to never drink more than one or two drinks occasionally I would feel that same nagging guilt and anxiety. I know because I experimented with it for a year or so and it just did not work-- but we all have to learn our own way.

Hello ATLThrash!!

I was thinking about the same and than i see that somebody (you) feel like me..my English isn't so fluent to desribe this tangly sensations but finally i see they're described perfectly by you..On my Day 10 and still discovering my new life...

audrey

[Cinders]

Fear, Anxiety

ATLThrash;1102381 wrote: Well relative to some others my consumption was not astronomical but since alcohol issues are so personal the amount was causing me problems-- not as in I missed work, or drove drunk or acted crazy etc-- it just got to the point where I felt anxiety and guilt after any drinks. It took a while to reach that point of course (I drank heavily for about 3 years and the last year it was exactly how you described) Like RedJib I always thought my anxiety was just part of my make up and to some extent it was pre-drinking and still is but it was definitely made a million times worse by drinking. I would also feel so depressed which -- DUH-- alcohol is a depressant-- but this was just such depression I really felt as if I was losing my mind. It took me a long time as a pretty intelligent person to understand that I cannot define why or when it happened but something changed with me and alcohol-- I kept chasing the old feeling which was non-guilty and carefree -- I would drink less than I did in the "old days" when I never felt guilty or anxious even if I overindulged-- and I wondered why do I feel like this-- maybe I will switch back to the old way---just didn't happen and I don't think for me that it ever can-- even if I took great care to never drink more than one or two drinks occasionally I would feel that same nagging guilt and anxiety. I know because I experimented with it for a year or so and it just did not work-- but we all have to learn our own way. Not too long ago we had an all day function with lots of beer and I drank 6 beers over all day and half the night-- I felt terrible and I was a wreck-- was not drunk , no stupid actions and I was a headcase. I realized then-- okay-- experiment over-- this is not working for you. Just another part of the learning curve. Hang in there Hayley-- you can get off the roller coaster and feel so much better!

So much of what you said is completely real. I am one of those whose drinking has gone beyond reality. I haven't lost my job, yet, but I have driven drunk (not caught yet,) thankfully, I have not killed anyone, great thanks, but I do want to state that you will get to where I am if you keep drinking.

It is a horrible place to be.

Don't go there. Fight it with every fiber in your being.

Cindi

[autumn]

Fear, Anxiety

Hi Hayley,
Panic and anxiety sucks so much.
I too never associated, anxiety and panic attacks with drinking! Bad day equated to just managing to leave the house because I had run out of vodka and HAD to buy some more.

AF=panic free for me, but I wish I had worked it out sooner! I wish I could bottle the real bad feelings of the come downs, because I dont ever want to forget how horrid it was, nor go back there.

[Stargazerlily]

Fear, Anxiety

Hayley,
If I drink, I have overwhelming anxiety and depression, it is so intense, I can't stand it. Just bringing up those memories, at this point for me, help me to make the decision that it is just NOT WORTH IT TO DRINK!! I would feel bad about myself, freak out about everything and situation in my life, it was hell.

I am sending you encouragement to stay AF, notice how much better you feel about yourself and your life. I think that once we hit that point of no return, we cannot go back. I too experimented way too long and now that I have chosen 2011 to be AF, I am a different person. My life is better and I can make good choices for myself. You can have this gift for yourself and are already giving yourself this present. Enjoy being AF.