Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

[bkyogagurl]

I am ashamed... I have 3 beautiful kids and a husband who has done everything to make a turn around.

Sometimes I fight these suicidal thoughts... I know I can't do it.
I can't. That is why I drink. Drinking erases these thoughts.
I feel like I am such a good person and I cannot for the life of me
figure out why I cannot get away from these thoughts.
I feel I have so much to offer and I still cannot escape.

I don't expect sympathy I just needed to write it down.
That's why I like being here.

[IAD]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

Me too.......just ignore them, they'll go away....Tony Ha!

[Lavande]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

Hi bkyogagurl,

Have you talked to a professional about these thoughts? I really wish you would & soon.

A lot of us drink for relief, escape from the reality of life. But suicidal thoughts need to be addressed properly. Perhaps your depression is causing them, maybe it's something else.

Please talk to your Doc asap! Do it for yourself, your children & husband :l
You deserve to feel better!

Lav

[tanera]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

awe you....these feelings are actually normal..if you didnt have them then that would be a worry,,believe me i have known folk who just dont feel things.. for whatever reason..is it bettr to feel than not?is that why we drink??to crush those feelings and really just makes things worse.

[DriftyAlison0]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

Just ignore those feelings. If you need help go to Suicide.org: Suicide Prevention, Suicide Awareness, Suicide Support - Suicide.org! Suicide.org! Suicide.org! that site has numbers that you can call and talk to someone if you need to. But hang in there, it will get better.

[bkyogagurl]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

thank you... so much

I will be back..

[bkyogagurl]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

Thanks to all of you. I am feeling better. They do go away.
Unfortunately I let people get to me. My bad.
I think you are right. I think we all have our struggles.

hugs BK

[choice]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

Hi bk,
I have those sad and scary thoughts myself and it's always a relief when they pass. I'm glad your feeling better. I really let people get to me too. I'm pretty sensitive. I'm glad your hanging in there and hope things get more peaceful soon.
:l

[Barbara1234]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

Hey BK,

I have experienced the same thing that you are experiencing. Depression runs in my family. The good news is that simple blood tests can uncover the problem and correct it very easily. Thoughts of suicide are not normal, and you shouldn't put yourself through that, there is no reason to.
I just did a battery of blood tests because I'm not feeling well, and I'm on the way to correcting this.
Years ago even the doctors didn't know how to successfully address severe depression. Today, it can be corrected very easily. Please go and tell your Doc. what's going on. It's a common complaint, and I bet you will feel better super fast once you get it out there. Do it for yourself and your beautiful family. I promise you it will be really easy to take care of.

[nancy]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

hate thoughts

It sounds like you have a very negative relationship with yourself. Changing that takes a lot of insight and work in psychotherapy, through cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. This kind of thinking is a symptom of depression of course. You can learn to befriend yourself and your negative thoughts. Meditation helps with that.

But for severe depression, suicidal thoughts you may need to get on anti-depressants for a period. Also, alcohol is a depressant and will affect your moods in that viscious cycle of using alcohol to improve mood but then facing the after-effects of over-indulgence is very depressing. I really urge you to get professional help, long-term therapy.

[scout3503]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

help

Hi,
I am not sure for you but for me, intially I had those thoughts. I bought 7 weeks to sobriety and I am following the supplement plans which I actually first read about on this forum.. It cost me about a 150 bucks for all of them for 2 weeks supply. I felt better within 2 days of no alcohol. I was a pint or more a day vodka drinker for almost 3 years now and I have done so much damage to my body it needed some help with nutrients that I had depleted. It made a huge immediate difference just taking the B's, Calcium, vitc, magnesium and multi vitamin.
The founder of AA actually encouraged the use of niacin and other B"s. I hope it helps. If you can not get the book I can scan and email the formula to you. This along with some therapy as soon as you can or even AA meetings can be very powerful. I am not a hard nose AA person, it just doesnt fit. However, the support is as invaluable as the support here, its just in 3D and just having a place to go.
It gets better, I am only day 5 but I feel like a different person. Dont beat yourself up...there is a lot of literature out there that talks about the damage we do to our brains and how it effects our thoughts. Your are not evil to you family because you can not control your thoughts right now. One last thought..the last time I drank, I did so to ease the thoughts. Unlike before, they did not go away and I feel had I not had my better half with me that night may have been a lot worse. There came a point when the alcohol did not make them go away. The next day I realized just not drinking is only part of the picture, I had to start healing myself inside and out.



You are where you are. Accept it and feel the power your acceptance gives you to move forward.
This moment is as it is. Accept its uniqueness and experience the freedom of not having to fight against it.

There are difficult challenges in your life. Accept them and feel the energy that will enable you to rise above them.
Accept that this is your starting point. Instead of placing judgments on it, see the real, positive value that’s already yours.

You cannot change where your past priorities and choices have brought you. Yet you can make use of the wisdom you’ve earned from it all to create a future that fulfills your most treasured dreams.

Lovingly and gratefully accept who you’ve been, what you’ve done, what you have and where you are.

For you can now transform it all into what you most wish to be.

— by Ralph Marston

[bkyogagurl]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

Wow! I have goosebumps. My apologies for not checking
in sooner. THank you.

I know I need counseling. I had a counselor for 4 years. He
retired and I am having a hard time thinking about starting over
with someone new. I am thinking about discussing it with my
doctor the next time I see him. He has mentioned to me that if
I needed any help, he could give me a reference.

Scott... I am going to get the book. I have tried various other books.
I have had my stints of AF. I always go back.

Nancy... I used to do a ton of yoga and that kept my negative thoughts at bay. I am really trying to get in touch with myself and not be so hard on myself. I really am working on it. There's a alot behind it. To much to go into detail. But like Scott said, the past is the past. You cannot change it. I want to move forward but sometimes things scar you. I am not excusing myself. I am just saying it sounds easy to say "move forward" but sometimes things can really mess you up and it takes a minute to catch up. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I have trouble with suicidal thoughts since I was in my teens. I just never told anyone. I would never do that to my boys. I am so glad I have them.

Thanks again to ALL of you. I love this forum. Its a safe place for me to express myself. I wish I could hug all of you.

BK

[nancy]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

moving on

You don't say how old you are as I remember but I think there are so many different types of therapists who can help and they are all good in their own ways, they have their own strenghts and experiences, gender, age, sex orientation, work experience, so many varities. It might be exciting for you to start over and I urge you to do it.

Of course you need to screen them in the beginning and if you see it's not a good fit then you drop it. But it's so valuable to have someone there questioning unrealistically negative views, which will lead you to depression.

Yoga and meditation are good because they get you out of that part of your mind that gets into a negative spiral and into your physical self. I think based on your last responses you know how to get yourself to a healthier place and wish you luck. I know it's a lot of work but it's very much worth it. Moving on is a cliche really. When you are ready you will do it naturally. You just do want to try to live in the present, maybe that's easier than moving on. You accept the present as it is and not focus too much on the past....

[bkyogagurl]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

Nancy~ I'm 42.
~Moving on is a cliche really. Thank you for this statement.


That is exactly where I am at. Trying to live in the present.
I am feeling much better. Highs and lows as it sounds like you
are farmiliar with because your advice is so relevant.

Thank you for your advice as it seems to target exactly where
I am and is much appreciated.

I actually had an AF night last night and to say I didn't think about
drinking would be a lie but I am glad I didn't. I am thinking that
I will take things "one" day at a time instead of trying to go a full
30 days. Maybe that will be a start for me. It felt good to wake up
this am. Maybe I will try again today.

I can't thank you enough for your input and the next time I see my
GP, I will get a few counselors to look at.

Have a great day,
BK

[looking for peace]

Hate the thoughts running thru my head.

Bkyogagurl, congrats on the af night! I am with you, I need to go ODAT as well. I had an night last night and it had a lot due to your pm to me, so thank you. I will PM you today or tomorrow.