trying to hang on

[looking for peace]

I am really trying hard not to drink today. We had a family blowout last night and I am afraid that my husband and I are pushing our 17 year old son away and toward his pot smoking friends. I have reason to believe he has gone back to smoking pot at parties after 9 months of family therapy. He lied to us about something yesterday and when asked told me he that he would probably not be able to pass a drug test for pot. I feel like we are completely broken down as a family and I don't know how it can be fixed.

In the past this would have driven me directly to a drink. So far I've just sat with the feelings. I haven't eaten all day or done anything in the house all day. I would really like to numb my feelings of anxiety, hopelessness and fear for my son right now. I haven't and don't plan to drink, but it's the only way I coped with these feelings in the past. I wish there was something I could do right now to stop feeling this way. It's that instant gratification thing. I know I also can't drink because it would be so hypocritical to tell him not to use a substance to make himself feel better, when that's what I've been doing for years. Also, I just need to get this out and vent. Thanks for listening

[jessie]

trying to hang on

hang on

It;s feelings, not facts. My son also did the pot-smoking-thing, but he turned out very well and not using anymore. Please try and be calm - it's a fase - I don't condone it, but it will probably pass by itself.
Hugs from me.

[Doggygirl]

trying to hang on

Hi LFP. :l It is really hard to watch someone else making choices we would rather they not make. I really like the ideas put forth so far - a hot bath, and acceptance ala Sheri's post.

It's fabulous to resist the urge to drink over it. Good job doing what is best for YOU.

DG

[looking for peace]

trying to hang on

Thanks you all for your supportive responses. We wound up going to family therapy last night and we still have much to work out. I stuck to my guns and didn't succumb to my usual numbing out. The problem with my son and husband is still here this morning, but it is not compounded tenfold by a hungover, guilt ridden, hopeless mom. I guess that is just what life is, learning to deal with whatever life throws at you with a clear head. I need more practice (just please don't throw anything major my why for at least a little while!)

In therapy last night the doctor explained to my son that everytime you use drugs to relieve really feeling something, you create a groove in your brain that strengthens that particular reward system. It is particularly true in the teenage years. It takes awhile of not doing it as a reward to reverse things. I'm hoping the more I resist during these times, the more a new pattern will develop in my brain.

[greeneyes]

trying to hang on

I'm so glad for you peace! What a good step in a positive direction!

[Jordan]

trying to hang on

In therapy last night the doctor explained to my son that everytime you use drugs to relieve really feeling something, you create a groove in your brain that strengthens that particular reward system. It is particularly true in the teenage years. It takes awhile of not doing it as a reward to reverse things. I'm hoping the more I resist during these times, the more a new pattern will develop in my brain.

I got into the pot and drinking habit as a teen. I quit smoking pot midway through high school though because it made me feel stupid. Wish I'd felt the same way about drinking because that became a life long habit, but I do believe you have to rework the brain patterns and it gets easier after time as new habits develope. Unfortunately taking another drink seems to open that old groove--like it's just waiting to get played again.

My sister and two brothers were all heavy pot smokers that stopped in late teens or early twenties and went on to be successful adults (although one brother kept abusing alcohol, but he quit when he was 40) but my sister is dealing with one of her sons who is heavily into pot, so much so he dropped out of the same Ivy League school twice--with a free ride, so it can get bad and you have my sympathy. Inattentive ADD runs in the family with a tendecy to self-medicate. It sucks.

Stay strong. I picked a really tough week to stop drinking 12 days ago--my smart son possibly failing three classes and not wanting to study for finals and I was pms-intg. It was hard, but since I had been outed for my drinking, indulging wasn't an option. It's a good thing I had been outed or I would have probably hit the bottle harder than normal and I really needed a clear head to focus on what needed to be done.

Son passed all of his classes--even got a 97% on one test. He's a really good crammer.

Stay strong.