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[professionalwino]

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well I have a script for Naltrexone, the only drug I have access to for bringing me down would probly be xanex so if I need to I could get that. I haven't smoked weed since I was a kid but I am tempted to try switching to that, see if it helps. The reason I drink is my anxiety and my job actually helps with that, while I am at work I have so much going on that I dont even think about booze.

As for what I do for a living, I am A sommelier, and it really is what I want to do with my life. Restaurants are all ive known....but its also the industry with the highest percentage of alcohol/drug abuse.

[JackieClaire]

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PW ~
I was in the wine trade for over 11 years albeit as a PA/dogsbody for a high functioning alcoholic. I'm afraid to say I've seen many in the profession have their life ruined by ill health and tragically 3 deaths through alcohol. These were all before the age of 50 sadly one being only 41 years old.

Now then a sommelier may be all that you ever wanted to do, but it seems to me that this career path is now making you unbearably unhappy and unhealthy.

Hand on heart is this the way you really want to live the rest of your life.

There is another life outside of restaurants/wine and you have to pick up that challenge and find it.

[Dewdrop]

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PW I've no wonderful piece of advice to give you but I think you've already been had some amazing support and advice from some very thoughtful and experienced mwoers. Hang in there and find a way to take and use the knowledge and experience on here to move forward with your life and your future.

I'm thinking about you and wish you well :l

Dewdrop :h

[willowfrond]

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Hi PW

Please please be careful on the Nal. It will stop you feeling like you are drinking but if you still drink and drink enough you can still get very sick (or die) from alcohol overdose.

It is a first move,congratulations.....:goodjob:

Keep posting.

You already know I agree about the change of job....timeto break free of it and the misery it creates/compounds.

Take good care

Linda

[ThreeDogNight]

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Hi, again, PW.

Wow-- Working in the food service/restaurant industry is hard. I had one drink when I was 19 years old, remember feeling weird, but didn't realize until years later, that it was a reaction to the alcohol. Next time I drank was after college, when I was a teacher, and had a part time cocktail waitressing job with my best friend and room mate. We thought it was great that we could sneak a drink and not get caught. That started my drinking career. Anyway, I waitressed for most of my 26 year teaching career, and even after that. Being around alcohol just made it easier to get into. I actually thought being a sommelier would be so sophisticated, as any sommelier I ever met (and there haven't been many) just seemed so knowledgeable, and I loved learning about wine. (Spent time in France and was able to buy wine for a song back in the '80's.) But I see that those of us predisposed to alcoholism are better off not being around it all the time. It's too hard.

I hope that you can perhaps find another career, maybe as a food/wine writer?

Please stay in touch. I really hope all works out.

TDN

[professionalwino]

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willowfrond;1136473 wrote: Hi PW

Please please be careful on the Nal. It will stop you feeling like you are drinking but if you still drink and drink enough you can still get very sick (or die) from alcohol overdose.

It is a first move,congratulations.....:goodjob:

Keep posting.

You already know I agree about the change of job....timeto break free of it and the misery it creates/compounds.

Take good care

Linda

Thanks for the advice on the Nal, went to an addiction medicine psych who was kind of an asshole and not very understanding (read 26 year old just out of a christian college) And wouldnt prescribe me anything to come down if I didn't agree to go to detox. Didn't really tell me shit about the Nal except "this should reduce your urge to drink....now stop"

Said all addicts are alike, and you trying to get valium or any other benzo is drug seeking behavior. So screw him. I am doing great at my new job and it was a step up from where I was and less stressful. I know I need to detox, I just have to find the right time....Doesn't help that I have a horrible cold right now.

I have to say I appreciate all the love, you are some amazing people!:l:h:l

[Guitarista]

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professionalwino;1136638 wrote: Thanks for the advice on the Nal, went to an addiction medicine psych who was kind of an asshole and not very understanding (read 26 year old just out of a christian college) And wouldnt prescribe me anything to come down if I didn't agree to go to detox. Didn't really tell me shit about the Nal except "this should reduce your urge to drink....now stop"

Said all addicts are alike, and you trying to get valium or any other benzo is drug seeking behavior. So screw him. I am doing great at my new job and it was a step up from where I was and less stressful. I know I need to detox, I just have to find the right time....Doesn't help that I have a horrible cold right now.

I have to say I appreciate all the love, you are some amazing people!:l:h:l

G'day PW,

Don't forget, de-tox from alcohol, though often around a week, is usually over in 2 to 3 day's, so maybe you can keep your job, and plan to de-tox over a long weekend? Either way, be careful, and best to do it with a doc/nurse on board.

Greg.

[professionalwino]

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Yea the funny thing is, ive had the shakes since I had a major concussion and spinal injury when I was 16....People have thought I have had the DT's since I was in H.S.

[professionalwino]

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So I just feel like being chatty right now since I have no one to talk to so I feel I posting will help, writing things down always helps me.

I have been drinking.....relatively hard for 9 years. I am 25 years old and have always worked in restaurants, I was an executive chef by the time I was 20 (cocaine was my downfall at that time) Have run restaurants....Have even owned my own liquor store (that was a bad idea!) I am an extreme adrenaline addict, Been racing cars for just about as long, I went to an ivy league school in the states and consider myself a rather intelligent guy but my brain wont shut up so I kept drinking. Used booze to bring me down after using uppers to keep me up for days at a time to finish projects, study things. I was an athlete and would work out 6 days a week before school and still work 8 hours after school and hit the gym the next day...honestly dont know how I did it while drinkin the way I did but it worked for me, guess im getting old lol. I need imediate satisfatction constantly, whether it be sex drugs or music....I consider myself a narcissist hence this post. Part of addiction makes you think of yourself and no one else, and then you start to think your a sociopath because you drink to drown all the bad things you feel after you do something you only did because of your addiction. Great now i'm rambling....
I am a love addict too, I have fallen in love with every woman I have ever been with....guess I just wanted my parents life....normal, doting wife and a nice house with a good job, worked harder at finding that than I worked on my career. Then I sabatoge things somehow, get impatient...know exactly what I am doing and why, just cant stop myself.
Everytime i "get what I want" I sabatoge it as soon as possible.
Compulsive liar, feel people wont accept me if I tell them the truth, part of the disease I know, wanting to be somebody your not.
This is the most honest I have been in A long time and feel like deleting the whole thing........

[Guitarista]

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No need to delete bud. Thank's for sharing. I totally relate to the self sabotage bit. Many of us do here. Just know that you're not alone. Keep reading the stories and journey's here, and you'll realise that, and likely see yourself in a few other's stories too. This is an inspiring joint, and full of useful info and strategies. Great that you've found this site, and you're posting, yapping, and reaching out. You are taking the first step's just by doing that, and being here talking.

Best wishes, Greg.

[professionalwino]

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guitarista (greg) thanks man!

I'm just a really private guy, and all this sharing is really f'n abnomal for me. I know its strange but I either need full on stimulation (everyone talking to me and asking me questions and teaching) or being alone in my office doing my own thing, all by myself.

[Guitarista]

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professionalwino;1136672 wrote: guitarista (greg) thanks man!

I'm just a really private guy, and all this sharing is really f'n abnomal for me. I know its strange but I either need full on stimulation (everyone talking to me and asking me questions and teaching) or being alone in my office doing my own thing, all by myself.

That's okay. Most blokes, me included, find it difficult to share some stuff. Either way, for me, it can be good to at least write it down, and/or get it out. Posting here is anonymous, and can be pretty useful because of that. You will find a balance that works for you eventually re the stimulation thing. You'll probably have to work at it though.

[Guitarista]

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Have you read our Toolbox thread? Check it out.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

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Glad you didnt delete your post PW, it does help to write it out. I think many of us have an addictive compulsive personality be it with the drink or whatever. This trait can be put to good use when channeled in the right direction dont you think? And as regards being selfish thats just another of ALs little presents to us along with the sneaking about and lying. This of course ultimately leads to feelings of self loathing and depression so what do we do but drink again to mask these feelings. Its not called a merry go round for nothing. Maybe its time to get off of this ride?

[ThreeDogNight]

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Hi, again, PW.

So happy that you didn't delete the post! It will help so many of us here.

Didn't realize that you are so young!! I am 58 yrs old, and just wish this site had been around when I was your age.

Understand the lying, hiding, all of that. I am supposed to be AF, but still haven't gotten there. Got a DUI almost five weeks ago, so can't drive, but have stolen the expensive alcohol my husband hid--and I found. When he finds out, I am just not sure what I will do. One bottle was over 25 yrs old!! Two months ago, even, I would never have done such a thing. This is where alcoholism leads. Most of our friends would never believe that this kind, innocent woman would have sunk to such low levels.

So I am being honest here, too, and I am a private person, like you, and just want to get well again. Used to work out four or five times a week, could keep up with the kids (your age!) and now I am lucky just to be able to do a walk. So sad. Depression really set in after the DUI.

You are so young, and have your whole life ahead of you, so I know you can win the battle. Sounds like your job helps you, so that is good, even though it involves wine. Don't see that you drink wine, even,

Keep up the good fight, and keep posting!!

Do you live in the states? Couldn't tell from your post.

:thanks:TDN