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    #46
    F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

    Hey PW...pls don't 'not post for a while'. You sound like you need some help...I can't be there with you but we are all here for you.
    I'm not really sure what to say but just know I care about what you're going through & I hope you're OK.
    Life could be so much better for you - Like Greg says, it's up to you. It may seem impossible but it really is.
    Pls let us know how you are.
    xo

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      #47
      F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

      I'm at work, had to have a pint of vodka to feel normal, got high yesterday, I know I wanna get better that's why I'm still posting but I don't know how to, I feel like everyone knows.
      Say, Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?
      WC: He'd think I was a sissy.

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        #48
        F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

        Decided that I'm gonna go to outpatient rehab, asap! Been vomiting blood the past two days. I know I don't want to drink anymore....I just know this will kill me if I don't stop....I may go to the E.R. After work.
        Say, Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?
        WC: He'd think I was a sissy.

        Comment

          #49
          F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

          Hi, PW.

          Oh, I hope you get to the ER!! Vomiting blood is just not good.

          Not sure how much the outpatient rehab will help--didn't stop me from drinking two years ago, as I wasn't restricted as far as living situation was concerned. Now in rehab--my second day--we aren't restricted in the evening/overnight, but we are all focused on staying sober. And plenty of AA meetings in the evening and on the weekends. Weekend is a bit scary, as we are not in treatment/sessions, so there will be a lot of free time. But we can find at least two meetings and explore the town together, too. So far, so good. I wish you could somehow get the time off to do one of these.

          Please keep posting. I have limited Internet access here (have to go to town library), but will check in every day.

          Sending prayers your way.

          TDN
          "One day at a time."

          Comment

            #50
            F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

            professionalwino;1142726 wrote: Decided that I'm gonna go to outpatient rehab, asap! Been vomiting blood the past two days. I know I don't want to drink anymore....I just know this will kill me if I don't stop....I may go to the E.R. After work.
            Do it mate. Put your health first, and get yourself sorted out. You may have to look at other arrangements for your rent, bill's and work etc. Hopefully they will de-tox you in hospital for a few day's. Alcohol is a depressant, and for me, i had to get the alcohol out of my system to be able to think more positively, and therefore see some hope.

            Great to see you here. Hang in there friend. I did it, and you can do it.

            G.

            'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

            Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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              #51
              F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

              PW, I want to urge you, along with the others, to get professional help. Asap. And you think your work mates don't know - of course they know. After a pint of vodka the alcohol is seeping out your sweat pores. They know for sure. And you will be surprised at how supportive they will probably be.
              Please just decide to be totally honest to a health care professional - they deal with this all the time.
              I'm sending a hug of support to you.
              make the least of the worst, and the most of the best - everyday.

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                #52
                F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

                Go for it PW. After a couple of days without the booze everything will look better.
                Be strong.

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                  #53
                  F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

                  Wishing you all the best PW.

                  Things will still look bad to you until your body clears some of the al out of your system. Guitarista is spot on, the damn stuff is a depressant and you need some time for your mind to clear.

                  Good luck mate. Keep posting.
                  I refuse to be labelled or ashamed. Through my struggles I am achieving self awareness and clarity.

                  Comment

                    #54
                    F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

                    PW - can't you say you're on a diet or taking meds to get the 'drink pushers' away from you? Anything would be better than going along. I know what you mean though - some of us have our entire lives built around alcohol in one way or another. When I was in corporate sales it was almost impossible for me to avoid or even 'bow out' of those situations - very difficult. I am self employed now & that makes things easier. I still messed up this spring though, but I'm sure I lasted longer sober without that corporate pressure. It would help you to have a friend that might be able to be around to help 'coach' you in those situations? Not sure - thinking out loud.

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                      #55
                      F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

                      Hi PW,

                      I hope you're doing better. Please take care of yourself :crowned:

                      Things will start to look a bit better when you've been sober a few days. Perhaps start by setting yourself a goal of 5 days, purely so you can see how you feel (without putting pressure on yourself to stop per se)?
                      One day at a time.. Sometimes it's one minute or one second at a time.. Most important thing is to look ahead and don't look back!

                      Comment

                        #56
                        F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

                        PW,
                        I just came across your posts and they so moved me. You sound like such an intelligent and self-aware guy. Like everyone else posting on your thread, your last several posts really concern me. Vomiting blood, not eating, drinking that much....you gotta get some serious help before it's too late. We are all here for you, we don't judge you, and we're rooting for you. I agree with Jessie, you'll probably be surprised how supportive your employer will be of your efforts to get better. They've seen it all before, and it sounds like you're great at your job and a valuable employee. You sound very depressed....once the alcohol is out of your system maybe you could explore getting on an anti-depressant. And use whatever resources possible to help you -- baclofen, naltroxene, meetings, etc. Baclofen has worked for many people. Please, please be well. We are all here for you.

                        Comment

                          #57
                          F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

                          PW - I finally bothered to read this entire thread and you'll have to excuse my naive post from before. I will say that given your age, your line of work and the level of addiction you speak of, I'd say you really need to check in somewhere if you haven't already. I've known people who've been in your shoes very well (live in boyfriends who were very bright, successful people - but they shared many of your other characteristics) and they had troubles early on. It's a very tough thing since you love what you do & it is your life, but I think that ultimately, you'll need to get out of the restaurant environment that you're in at least while you work on beating your addictions. You may be able to re-enter it once you've been clean - but while GETTING clean, I think it's too tough to be there every day. Especially, if the people who surround you know you in the role that you currently "play". I find that with my own addictions, sometimes it's hard to shake them because the people around you actually are more comfortable with you being "who you are now" and don't really want you to change. Anyway - the best of luck to you. I hope you come back out here soon & let everyone here know about your progress.

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                            #58
                            F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

                            Went and saw an alcohol counselor today, we both agreed on tapering off till sober, I have the discipline I am just scared. I haven't slept in quite a few days and am constantly coughing (I don't know what the coughing means) I am gonna try and pull it off. Stocked the fridge today with fluids and am gonna try and eat as much as possible everyday. I thank you all again for the support, don't know where I would be with out you.
                            Say, Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?
                            WC: He'd think I was a sissy.

                            Comment

                              #59
                              F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

                              Hi PW
                              You don't know me yet, but I have just read your posts. I feel so badly for you as does everyone else on this site. Please take care and seek the help that is rightfully yours. I know you will be fine, we have all been there and done that, so we know and understand what you are going through. Stay positive and as I said previously, seek help where you can, you will pull through I promise. It's a great world out there and we are meant to live it. However, we do encounter hurdles along the way, that we have to surmount, but it's not impossible and remember we are all human and do things at times that we wish we didn't but have faith my friend, you will win. Love and Sunshine Kaza x
                              Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr:l:l

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                                #60
                                F'd UP again! I guess I'll post this twice

                                You can do it PW. Be strong!

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