Please help..I feel so crap

[Queenbug]

I keep trying but feel like I'm in a huge hole...just can't bloody well do it...I hate myself...:sorry:

[Mia]

Please help..I feel so crap

HI QUEENBUG! I am sending you a BIG HUGE HUG. Did you feel it? :l

I know how you are feeling I have been there as every one here has. :h

Take a deep breath and relax and just try for another day AF, even if you do it a minute by minute. I am here for you!! PM me if you like xxxxxxx :l

[Queenbug]

Please help..I feel so crap

Thank you...just went for a walk and now going food shopping...living a minute at a time here...feels so bad...thanks for replies though x

[greeneyes]

Please help..I feel so crap

Queenbug, this poem came to mind when I read your post. My situation became known as "the black hole". Some here remember it. I remember it. But it's in the past now. Keep trying!


There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

"I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street."

— Portia Nelson

[Queenbug]

Please help..I feel so crap

Thanks Greeneyes...Ive printed it and stuck it on the cupboard door. Thank you

[Clover]

Please help..I feel so crap

Queenbug, please don't hate yourself! I'm having the same sort of time as you and I am trying VERY hard to stop the self-loathing because I have to start believing in myself if this is going to work. I didn't drink yesterday and I will not drink today!

[Queenbug]

Please help..I feel so crap

Clover...I was wondering how you were.?

..tis hard to feel anything but pissed off with myself though...I know I feel so low because I can't have enough days AF to get it out of my system but then I drink to stop feeling like that...and back I am again. Totally my own fault...gets really lonely though doesn't it? Trying to deal with this...hope you are doing better than me!:-)) x

[Lavande]

Please help..I feel so crap

Queenbug,

Ar some point I had to just talk myself into getting the job done.............
You can do it too!
Start telling yourself over & over that you can quit, you want to quit ~ mostly that you want to quit more than you want to continue to drink.
Talk to yourself in a positive way, be your own cheerleader

Arm yourself with a solid plan. Stay busy & don't buy anymore AL - ever!!!!!

You can do this

[Dave_]

Please help..I feel so crap

Good Morning Queenbug,

I hope you are feeling better. I too, know the feeling of living minute by minute like it was just yesterday. I remember the feeling of just surviving until the next drink, the next time I could sleep and the sweet release of oblivion where none of this mattered anymore. I also remember the horror of waking up and having to do it all over again.

There were times when I would wake early, head ringing and I would make my way slowing to the kitchen and pour myself a drink. Then I would grab a smoke and head on to the decking to sit and watch the sun come up. As I tried to keep the first drink of the day down and ease the shaking I would wonder how the hell I was going to survive a new day in this living hell I had created for myself.

Then I learnt to live again. This does not have to be your life but you are the only person that can change the course of your destiny. You will need a lot of support and sometimes you will need someone to pick you up again when you fall but this must be a journey of discovery of your own.

Make the decision to change, because despite what may have happened to bring you to this point the core reality is this affliction is not caught or transmitted like other ailments, we choose our sickness and the cure lies in your heart.

I wish you you all the best.

[anne1232]

Please help..I feel so crap

If you're really feeling out of control

there is the option of Antabuse. It works, period. Check out some info in the meds threads.
Can order it online. At least it can give you a start

[Queenbug]

Please help..I feel so crap

Thank you everyone...Ive read your posts over and over and really appreciate it...I do know it's absolutely down to me..and I also know that in other areas of my life I'm really strong through really hard stuff...so it's just a case of being stronger with this...Day 1 done again...bring on Day 2! Good luck to all you lovely people out there...thank you for helping me today x

[WineSucks]

Please help..I feel so crap

Queenbug - I just wanted to say hi and send a hug.....I'm in the same situation. I drank that damned wine last night and although not drunk I was feeling pretty good and I was so upset with myself this morning. Be kind to yourself, love yourself and take care of yourself. If we are going to beat this addiction, we must not give in....we have to persevere! We just pick ourselves back up, brush ourselves off and keep moving on because one day it will click and we will win!

[willowfrond]

Please help..I feel so crap

Caution required

anne1232;1145013 wrote: there is the option of Antabuse. It works, period. Check out some info in the meds threads.
Can order it online. At least it can give you a start

I have a friend who is very lucky to be alive after drinking on Antabuse, she was in a coma for over a week. The doctors really did not expect her to live. I wouldn't touch it!
Also be aware Naltrexone means that if you have any occurence requiring strong pain relief eg., emergency surgery, bad trauma.....the pain relief available will be minimal as Nal takes time to exit and while it is still in the system opiates (which form the heart of most strong pain relief) will have zero effect. Also it is possible to drink to the point of alcohol poisoning on Nal because no effect is felt.

I think we all really should stick to not offering medical advice here and this post is to balance things

[professionalwino]

Please help..I feel so crap

Willow...thank you for that post, I was on naltrexone for a month and made a few errors in judgement that could have ended me.

Queen- I am here with you, the best advice I was given in my whole life & that I follow everyday- Wake up angry, every morning be angry and fight, never stop fighting.

For you don't be angry with yourself, be angry at the disease and fight it.

Good luck - you will make it, don't stop fighting!

[Queenbug]

Please help..I feel so crap

Hello everyone...thank you for all the advice and kind words and thoughts...I do feel much better today...just at the end of Day 2 and I'm really proud that Ive managed a tough long day at work and faced a long evening of trying to work more to prepare for tomorrow, and sort dinner etc for family...my usual habit is to grab a bottle of red to 'congratulate, calm and help hold my nerve (all at once!?!)...but not tonight. I've found it hard but did it. I've noticed I stumble as soon as I get home,,,but I read loads on here over last few weeks as I've been lurking and crying..the HALT thing has helped me today, and adding S for stress...plus the drinks I saw somewhere...fizzy water lemon and I've put in mint as well...took it to work too.
I have been reading some of your posts recently too...Willow, Proffessionalwino, WineSucks, Clover and others...and I know you have all been working at this crap too..there was someone else here who said to me to just decide to do it...that stuck..I told 2 close friends at work today that I've stopped drinking, they said "Great...but you will drink at weekends though?" I don't think they realise what trouble I'm in with this...maybe that's another step to take..
Anyway...thanks so much again...I think I frightened myself badly this weekend and you really got me through. I'm coming back tomorrow night...hopefully at end of day 3...but if I haven't managed it...I'm still coming back tomorrow...that's my next challenge...not too feel so ashamed that I can't face you all!
Hope all good with you all...much love x :h