Okay, you wonderful and generous people...please allow me to ramble on.
I've kept a 'stiff upper lip' for a long time and need to vent. Please be gentle in your responses because I've really been hurting.
I'm scared to answer my phone, or fight back for things that I know I should, like bill someone for services I did for them because they weren't happy with it the first time around (and it was resolved to their satisfaction). Or, in another situation, having to take a business to small claims because they made me purchase proprietary software for them, and then reneged on the employment deal.
I have such a long 'to-do' list that I don't know where to start. My house looks like hell... it is like the 'paper bomb' exploded. And the dish bomb. And the cat pee bomb. And the laundry bomb. I finally mowed my lawn after three weeks. It was destroying itself, which was a poignant metaphor for what I'm doing to myself.
I'm trying to find help for mental/alcohol issues, but it appears that my husband and I fall through the cracks due to "prior income". Obama (and I'm REALLY left-wing) let me down because his policy said that the unemployed in Michigan can get funding for schooling. I checked into that, but it appears that it is based on LAST year's income, not our present one. Based upon that theory, I'm also not eligible for food assistance, mental health or substance abuse care, etc., etc., etc.
I'm looking for a job after getting terminated from my position where my employer broke a contract with me. Fighting that in court, too. I have nightmares every night about him. Another employee tried to commit suicide under his rule. He's a really crappy human being, that's dragging the company down.
The company challenged my unemployment, then that was reversed by the State so I received unemployment. Then the company challenged the decision and won. I am appealing, with pretty solid evidence on my side. (Thankfully there was a free advocacy group in my area who researched the decision and provided me with a case that was virtually identical to mine.) We'll see how that goes.
So. Because of our last year's income, I cannot get medical assistance, counseling, food assistance, or anything. We burned through my (cashed out) 401k and all of our savings. We're about to lose our (rented) house.
Employment? Well that's pretty much a no-go in the state of Michigan. I'm executive-level, and temp/temp-to-hire agencies won't touch me. I'm looking in other states, but that is a slow, arduous process. And so, with 24 years of experience under my belt, we may be out on the street before too long. I tried to start my own business, invested 4 grand, and have no bites whatsoever. The list just goes on and on.
Alcohol: well, I've always been a problem drinker. Genetically, my family has "livers of steel". It's all in my head?behaviors and habits for me. No shakes, no DTs, none of that. Panic attacks, yes. Other physical/physiological problems, no. Problem there is that I cannot afford Campral, nor Antibuse, nor my anti-depressant meds (Wellbutrin, primarily).
Depression? Like I said, today was the first day since I was terminated around April Fool's Day (how ironic) that I totally lost it. I can't believe that a woman, once so strong, has declined in mental health and stamina to this point.
Why don't I believe in myself? Why am I letting my ex-employer still invade my dreams every night, and my thoughts every day?
I guess I am not looking for absolute 'fixes' in writing this, just a sympathetic ear and encouraging advice.
As always, thanks for being here for all of us going through troubled times.
Nichau
I've kept a 'stiff upper lip' for a long time and need to vent. Please be gentle in your responses because I've really been hurting.
I'm scared to answer my phone, or fight back for things that I know I should, like bill someone for services I did for them because they weren't happy with it the first time around (and it was resolved to their satisfaction). Or, in another situation, having to take a business to small claims because they made me purchase proprietary software for them, and then reneged on the employment deal.
I have such a long 'to-do' list that I don't know where to start. My house looks like hell... it is like the 'paper bomb' exploded. And the dish bomb. And the cat pee bomb. And the laundry bomb. I finally mowed my lawn after three weeks. It was destroying itself, which was a poignant metaphor for what I'm doing to myself.
I'm trying to find help for mental/alcohol issues, but it appears that my husband and I fall through the cracks due to "prior income". Obama (and I'm REALLY left-wing) let me down because his policy said that the unemployed in Michigan can get funding for schooling. I checked into that, but it appears that it is based on LAST year's income, not our present one. Based upon that theory, I'm also not eligible for food assistance, mental health or substance abuse care, etc., etc., etc.
I'm looking for a job after getting terminated from my position where my employer broke a contract with me. Fighting that in court, too. I have nightmares every night about him. Another employee tried to commit suicide under his rule. He's a really crappy human being, that's dragging the company down.
The company challenged my unemployment, then that was reversed by the State so I received unemployment. Then the company challenged the decision and won. I am appealing, with pretty solid evidence on my side. (Thankfully there was a free advocacy group in my area who researched the decision and provided me with a case that was virtually identical to mine.) We'll see how that goes.
So. Because of our last year's income, I cannot get medical assistance, counseling, food assistance, or anything. We burned through my (cashed out) 401k and all of our savings. We're about to lose our (rented) house.
Employment? Well that's pretty much a no-go in the state of Michigan. I'm executive-level, and temp/temp-to-hire agencies won't touch me. I'm looking in other states, but that is a slow, arduous process. And so, with 24 years of experience under my belt, we may be out on the street before too long. I tried to start my own business, invested 4 grand, and have no bites whatsoever. The list just goes on and on.
Alcohol: well, I've always been a problem drinker. Genetically, my family has "livers of steel". It's all in my head?behaviors and habits for me. No shakes, no DTs, none of that. Panic attacks, yes. Other physical/physiological problems, no. Problem there is that I cannot afford Campral, nor Antibuse, nor my anti-depressant meds (Wellbutrin, primarily).
Depression? Like I said, today was the first day since I was terminated around April Fool's Day (how ironic) that I totally lost it. I can't believe that a woman, once so strong, has declined in mental health and stamina to this point.
Why don't I believe in myself? Why am I letting my ex-employer still invade my dreams every night, and my thoughts every day?
I guess I am not looking for absolute 'fixes' in writing this, just a sympathetic ear and encouraging advice.
As always, thanks for being here for all of us going through troubled times.
Nichau
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