Quite a few questions

[scott234]

Hey, brand new here. I'm Scott!

1. I have a drink problem, I know I do. I contacted a help centre by where I live but didn't have the bottle to turn up to a meeting. I'm not good with groups at the best of times, I even avoid going out never mind talking about my problems in front of a group of people. Although I have a drink problem, it isn't a huge problem. I drink on average 8 beers per night on any night I can which is usually 4-6 nights a week. The beers are 500ml and are 4%. Any advise on this?

2. My other half recently had our baby girl. I feel I'm a bad Dad. The money I'm spending on alcohol is obscene when I could be spending it on more productive and proactive things for the baby. She says I'm not a bad Dad, but I know she thinks/feels less of me now. How do I put our daughter before alcohol? I love her so much, but when she goes to bed I just love a drink. I like watching the soaps too but every one of them has a pub and it's as if alcohol is in my face 24/7.

3. I do have underlying issues that haven't been addressed. The issues are from childhood (now 23) and before I was placed in care (for good reasons). My parents are both deceased at different times and I guess that's one of the main reasons for me drinking. Ironically they both died from drink related issues. Could my parents having drink problems be a genetic cause or is this just wishful thinking?

4. I've got it in my head that something is medically wrong with me. I feel I'm knackered either way. Symptoms;

- Chest pains
- Sweating at the easiest of tasks
- Very queasy
- Pain in right side
- Pain in stomach area
- Sharp pain every so often in heart area

I'm very worried about seeing the Doctor because I'm petrified of the outcome, but feel selfish in the fact that I have a family. Should I wait and hope it all passes or do I need to go out there and see the Doctor? I don't go out much because I have a bit of a scare for going out and being around people...

I recently had a friend die alcohol related, he went to the toilet and his stomach bled. Apparently he didn't feel a thing, it was instant. What a way to go. He was young though 38. I'm 23 and having a little girl, I need to man up and quit the drink to be there for her and my partner.

Please, any help/advise/suggestions are truly welcomed.

I'm from the UK if that helps?

Thanks ahead!

[Doggygirl]

Quite a few questions

Hi Scott and :welcome: It can be really hard to come here and make the first post. Congratulations on taking a step in the right direction to figure out the AL problem. I'll offer up my opinion on your points below.

scott234;1170382 wrote:
1. I have a drink problem, I know I do. I contacted a help centre by where I live but didn't have the bottle to turn up to a meeting. I'm not good with groups at the best of times, I even avoid going out never mind talking about my problems in front of a group of people. Although I have a drink problem, it isn't a huge problem. I drink on average 8 beers per night on any night I can which is usually 4-6 nights a week. The beers are 500ml and are 4%. Any advise on this?
I don't think what you drink or how much of it you drink is the indicator (or not) of a problem. I think it's what happens WHEN you drink - can you stop? If you say "I'm going to have one drink" do you have one? Or do you have more? I also think it's about what happens when you are NOT drinking. Do you spend time wishing you were drinking? Thinking about drinking? Planning your next drink? I think those are problem signs. They certainly were for me.

2. My other half recently had our baby girl. I feel I'm a bad Dad. The money I'm spending on alcohol is obscene when I could be spending it on more productive and proactive things for the baby. She says I'm not a bad Dad, but I know she thinks/feels less of me now. How do I put our daughter before alcohol? I love her so much, but when she goes to bed I just love a drink. I like watching the soaps too but every one of them has a pub and it's as if alcohol is in my face 24/7.
You might have an AL problem if you believe you should keep your money for your family, but find yourself buying AL anyway.

You might have an AL problem if seeing a bar in a TV show automatically makes you want to drink.



3. I do have underlying issues that haven't been addressed. The issues are from childhood (now 23) and before I was placed in care (for good reasons). My parents are both deceased at different times and I guess that's one of the main reasons for me drinking. Ironically they both died from drink related issues. Could my parents having drink problems be a genetic cause or is this just wishful thinking?

The research I have read says there are definitely genetic components to alcoholism.

My suggestion? Stop drinking, which will put you in a much healthier place to then work on any underlying issues.

If it's hard to stop drinking then you might have a problem.



4. I've got it in my head that something is medically wrong with me. I feel I'm knackered either way. Symptoms;

- Chest pains
- Sweating at the easiest of tasks
- Very queasy
- Pain in right side
- Pain in stomach area
- Sharp pain every so often in heart area

I'm very worried about seeing the Doctor because I'm petrified of the outcome, but feel selfish in the fact that I have a family. Should I wait and hope it all passes or do I need to go out there and see the Doctor? I don't go out much because I have a bit of a scare for going out and being around people...

It sounds to me like you should see a doctor, be honest about your systems, and then get whatever tests your doctor suggests (if any) to find out if anything is wrong.


I recently had a friend die alcohol related, he went to the toilet and his stomach bled. Apparently he didn't feel a thing, it was instant. What a way to go. He was young though 38. I'm 23 and having a little girl, I need to man up and quit the drink to be there for her and my partner.

Quitting drinking is the best thing I have ever done for my husband, my family and myself.

Please, any help/advise/suggestions are truly welcomed.

I'm from the UK if that helps?

Thanks ahead!

On the AA thing. Everyone here at My Way Out does not go to AA or even advocate for AA. I DO go to AA and find it very helpful to make new sober friends and build a social structure with people who do not drink. I find other things helpful about it too. Every person I have ever met in AA says that the hardest part was walking into their first meeting. I'm not suggesting you go or not go. I WILL suggest that if you want to stop drinking and are having a tough time, then be willing to go to any lengths to stop. That might include doing all kinds of things you think you don't want to do.

Good for you coming and posting. That's a great start.

DG

[Murphyx]

Quite a few questions

Scott, alright mate. I know what you mean about going to the meeting at the help centre, that kind of kind can be nerve-racking as can going to the doc and fessing up to your drinking. And if you think it's a problem, then it definitely is a problem. If you can't stop after one, as DoggyGirl says, then the booze is in control of you, not you in control of it.

I used to steer clear of the docs and was extremely reluctant to have go and talk about my drinking but I finally went a few weeks ago. They gave me a load of blood tests and, thankfully, everything came out normal. You need to go and get those pains checked out. They might be caused by nothing more than anxiety but you need to have the tests done to find out. Once you know the reasons, you and the doc can sort out a treatment. There are drugs she/he can give you to help with the social anxiety and even to help with the alcohol problem.

I've never been to an AA meeting but I imagine there's very little to fear from going to one. The people there aren't exactly going to be shocked by your drinking or anything you can tell them about your behaviour. They'll have seen and heard it all before. I'm not sure how they work, but I doubt they'll force you to speak openly in the group if you don't fancy it.

Also you might like to check out the meds section of this forum Topamax, Campral, Naltrexone, Baclofen, other meds - My Way Out Forums There are lots of people using medicines to help with alcoholic cravings, or even to beat the disease completely. But I really would suggest the first thing you do is make an appointment with the doc. Maybe, when you make the appointment, tell them it's because you have stomach pains you'd like checked and when you get to see the doc tell her/him about all the pains, the queasiness etc and how you think it may be related to the fact that you're a problem drinker. There's no need to hold back, you should tell them all about it.

It's not an easy thing to admit to yourself, let alone anyone else but you've made a good start by posting here.

Keep us updated on how things go.

Cheers

Murph

[Turnagain]

Quite a few questions

Welcome Scott...

I'm glad you're here....I encourage to head over to the Newbies Nest for a lot of early support. I hope you are able to get to a doctor for a good going over.

I've experienced many of the symptoms you are suffering from. In my case, my doc informed me that my entire GI system was inflamed by the excess alcohol it was being subjected to. Kinda like swallowing gallons of bleach. Doc also told me that I probably wouldn't feel pain from other major organs going bad...until they were irreparably damaged.

You are young and have so much life ahead of you. I truly hope for your sake...and for your daughter's sake that you are able to shake free of this crap. Let us know what you need...there is a lot of wisdom and courage here from people who have succeeded in living full lives free of addiction.

[ATLThrash]

Quite a few questions

Scott-- I would recommend going alcohol free for several days if you can and seeing how you feel. It is amazing how much better I felt after just a few days away and I was much more equipped to make a decision about the next step. See what happnes when you do that. I too could not stomach the thought of AA or the judgmental docs that I had seen in the past so I understand that as well. Not surehow it works in the UK but in the US I just did not want it all on my record. Look at the toolbox here and continue to post and ask questions so you cna make a plan. You could be sick but one thing is sure-- drinking could only make it worse so trying to remove that variable is the right thing to do. Good luck

[K9Lover]

Quite a few questions

Hi Scott and Welcome!
We are glad you are here. Stick around and read, read, read. These people have wonderful advice. You are never alone here, whatever you've done/experienced, it's been done and experienced here many times over! This place, these people, and Antabuse have saved my life. I really got sober on here, I could not have done it without the love and support of my friends here.
ATL is right, you are young, and you are a new dad...just think of all you have to live for! Take it slow and easy, day by day, minute by minute. You might find the first few days difficult, so be easy on yourself. Just know that you'll never feel WORSE for giving up alcohol. Nobody wakes up and says "Boy I wish I'd drank last night!"
Stick around and let us really get to know you.
Wishing you the best,
K9