hate asking for help but I am in a real bad place

[autumn]

I am really struggling, I have been mostly sober but the binges have been slowly creeping up on me. Modding so does not work on any level, but it has taken a lot of pain to realise.

I found out today that my dad has terminal cancer, and it has shocked me comletey. He has always been a heavy drinker and smoker. I dont know what else to add, I am really hurting and struggling on all levels.

[ATLThrash]

hate asking for help but I am in a real bad place

Autumn--I am so sorry to hear about your father. My mom and dad have both gone through some serious illnesses in the past year. It is overwhelming at times to think of what might come next. It sounds like you have realized that drinking is just not doing it for you anymore. I came to that realization after modding or trying to. I was pretty successful at modding most of the time but it was making me more anxious about life than just not drinking. It is a relief to be off that roller coaster. Try as best you can to come up with a plan to not drink anymore-- if you can-- you will feel a sense of control in a time that I am sure you feel there is no control (with your dad's illness). Then no matter what happens in the future you will have that to help shore you up. I wish you all the best!

[Enough!]

hate asking for help but I am in a real bad place

Autumn,
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Almost 10 years ago to date I had the same situation with my mom. Much time has passed, but it still hurts as I was defenseless to help her. She had ovarian cancer and it was a few months from the time we found out til she passed.

I am rambling ... Sorry... All I cans say it stay strong and accept support and help when offered. I definately tried to handle too much of the load and left me exhaused.

Moderating is not working for me either and it is hard to let go of my friend wine. Such a shitty selfish friend but we spent 15 years together.

You are welome to pop over to conquering day 1. We still have a little group there.

All the best,
Enough!
I am here for you if you need me

[RingingCedars]

hate asking for help but I am in a real bad place

Hi Autumn--my Dad was told 9 months to live in Jan 2011. This is his 4th body system affected over 40+ years. He lives 3 provinces away from me and it is a "new" relationship since we were "separated" when I was a baby. The emotions are mixed for me but emotional none the less. This reunion has come at a time when I am recovering from al abuse due to other extraneous happenings in my life.

So, that said, I think I understand the hurt, albeit, different circumstances. I have actually drank less since learning about my father, wanting to be able to respond responsibly.

I don't know where you are at with sobriety or control but wanted you to remind you that you have control over you only AND your not alone.

Life will proceed as it does. Are you ok now?

[autumn]

hate asking for help but I am in a real bad place

Thank you ALT, Enough & RC, I have slept on it and woken up trying to process it. I am going to have to 'man up' and sober up. Modding has failed miserabley. It was almost an exscuse for one last pity party. Why do we always have to have that one last fling??

Mia wrote the most powerful post about the abusive partner, and it so ilogical as to why we go back to keep getting hurt & burnt, but we do :upset: It's bloody barking.

I only found my dad 8 years ago, so we are trying to catch up for lost time. Such good advice, as how can I help him or support him when I am not sober. He is a huge drinker and smoker, but the chickens have come home to roost. He just sounded so scared and lost.

If I could change one thing in politics, I would tax AL heavily and put the money into free support and counselling. Cheap AL has really not helped.

I am utterly struggling with his cancer diagnoses, it has freaked me out, and I spent yesterday drinking and smoking, (I quit smoking a year ago). WTF, switching off the abuse button and the voice making it ok is so incredibley hard. But I know you all understand. I hate and despise the way this just sneaks up on you. It's a b*tch. I am struggling so much.

[patrice]

hate asking for help but I am in a real bad place

Oh Autumn

I feel for you too... my Dad has just been diagnosed with bone cancer... no one can give a time... This came at a time when I had just signed a contract in another country... I too am beside myself as I am now away... I have been drinking and smoking too... a lot.

I'm up for the sober September..
I send you lots of support
We just need to hang in there
Take Care

Patrice

[Bruunhilde]

hate asking for help but I am in a real bad place

Autumn, my heart goes out to you, I'm so sad for you and your dad. Now is the time to make every moment count.

And asking for help is difficult and an accomplishment in itself for many of us. Keep asking, we all need to do it and its hard for all of us. But we all like to help others, and if you don't ask for help, no one can have the gift of giving help. Does that make sense? I believe we are put here to learn to help each other, and learning how to ask for help is part of that. Keep asking!

Can you talk to your dad alot on the phone? Can you see him? How can you maximize your time with him now? Just thinking aloud here...

Patrice, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Can you explain your situation and take a year off or work locally? There's no better reason than a mortal illness to change your plans. I hope you can do what's best for you and your dad, whatever choice that may be. Good luck with it.

:l

[Doggygirl]

hate asking for help but I am in a real bad place

Autumn I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. It is so hard to watch them suffer. My own Dad is really sick and the truth is, he will never be getting better - just slowly getting worse until the end. It's hard to accept emotionally and hard to watch.

One thing is for sure - drinking robbed me of quality time with my family - drinking never enhanced it. I'm grateful to be sober now to be of support to my Dad and also my Mom - her life is very difficult right now.

For many years I kept on drinking from one life crisis to the next. I kept telling myself that the reason I was drinking was because of all these crisis - you would drink too if your life had all this drama!!! The fact of the matter is, I used any up or down event in life as an excuse to get drunk. I drank because I'm addicted to alcohol and that is the bottom line. Life is life. It has ups and downs. We humans do not require AL to work through the stuff of life. We just think we do.

Dont' be fooled by AL yet again, and allow AL to rob you of precious time with your Dad and precious time facing and feeling your emotions rather than drowning them.

DG

[DriftyAlison0]

hate asking for help but I am in a real bad place

I tried modding after failing quits (longest back then was 6 weeks. In the past I used 8 weeks with two beers, but really it was 6 weeks sober) and after losing that quit, I decided to try modding. I kept changing my mod plan and after I set on it for good, I did well for around a year. Then I was slowly slipping away from it, it started with the pub that I go to having a minor fire, and then I just kept on slowly getting worse. I was starting to go back to my old ways. I realized that modding wasn't really working anymore, so I just quit and now I am at day 109 af and never going back. Glad that I quit when I did. If I would have kept modding, then it would have been out the window by now. Heck the last 2 weeks of my drinking career I wasn't even calling it modding anymore because I wasn't doing it anymore anyways.

Congratulations on deciding to quit for good now. Some can mod but most can't (some find out the hard way like me, and some don't even try because they know that they can't and that is fine). Revisit the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html and set up a plan and a support team both online and offline and use the team and the plan! ODAAT! And I am ss to hear about your dad. I lost an aunt to Bladder Cancer this past Feb. and I have an uncle who is fighting throat cancer. Sending my thoughts and prayers out.