I am worthless

[datadaddy]

It doesn't feel fair, I know I need to quit, but am stubborn and feel I can control it,
Then I binge again and hurt someone I love and feel all the guilt in the morning again,
Everytime I want to quit, all I can think of is how empty my life will be,
Everything I do that is fun, seems to have a drink involved,
And it's not just me, it's everyone around me

I despise myself,
I despise the fact that there is not a key to controlling this,
I despise all the wasted time, money, and emotion,
I despise myself for feeling that it's so important, so everything

AF for 3 days only
my first goal is a week, then a month
then I can hopefully evaluate things with a clear mind ?

[free at last]

I am worthless

Dear Datadaddy,
I have been trying to quit since January (10 days AF in Jan; 5 days AF in Feb; 10 days AF in March; 17 days AF in April; 13 days AF in May; 3 days AF in June; 5 days AF in July; 6 days AF in August). September was a breakthrough 20 days AF. Now I am hoping for an AF October.

This is hard, probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I used the toolbox to come up with a plan, am taking the vitamins, and supplements, and listening to the abstinence tape on a daily basis.

You will hear this from others on the website, you have to want this more than "just one drink"

Good luck and know you are in a community of people who have struggled with (and are still struggling with) the same issues.

[patrice]

I am worthless

Hi Free and Datadaddy

Free... what a great post, you are refreshingly honest about your AL free days and your struggle. Like our lives, this disease is not linear but it's great to punch that fist in the air ..you are doing really well

Datadaddy, 3 days is fantastic, vamp up the positive a bit.. hey you are already 2 days ahead of me!!

Take Care
Patrice

[jennyneric]

I am worthless

Free at Last hit the nail on the head! We all struggle, most of us do not get it right the first time, or the 10th time sometimes. It takes a while. But the point is you are trying, keep on trying and you can cut back, then cut it out, if you want to. You will need some info so if you can read the MWO book or Allen Carrs book or there is another book that is talked about in general discussion a lot right now that is suppose to be really good. Also the supplements have helped me so much, I really recommend them also, but don't start them all at the same time, do one new supplement ever week so that if there is one that you can't tolerate you will know which one it is. Also you don't have to buy them from here you can get the names and go to you local health food store and get them. Extra Omega-3 is good for depression too.

You can do this! Just remember that not everyone does it the same way, you can cut down, then try to get as many AF days in a month as you can. You can have fun without booze, you just have to stop missing the booze first then you will remember how to have fun without it. Most of use did not drink under 10 right...most of us were having fun and playing then right? We can do it again! Eat an ice cream, dance in the rain, spin in the sun, you will be surprised how good it feels. Try to have fun, fake it....till one day you won't have to. :l

[tonstantweader]

I am worthless

Datadaddy,
You might try getting Jason Vale's book Kick the Drink. It gives you a new perspective on how to view alcohol and how to approach life without feeling as if you are a "loser" and that life will be no more fun. I have also just finished reading Caroline Knapp's Drinking: A Love Story, which might help too. Just remember that life really can be so much better without the poison of alcohol and that you are taking positive steps to improve your life and your loved ones' lives. You are not worthless, but drinking can cause you to feel that you are. We have all been where you are, so keep reaching out here and remember that life is so, so much better without drinking alcohol.

[Unwasted]

I am worthless

DD, Kick the Drink is what enabled me to get sober. Please give it a try - can't hurt. It address a lot of the issues you talk about in your post here. And, as NE mentions, a lot of people on the Meds thread have had success with balcofen and some other things.

Here's a link to the thread Jenny mentioned:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ife-52399.html

Read as much as you can on the site, and post - it does help!

[Enough!]

I am worthless

Hello all,
I am trying to get back on track as well and will give the book Kick the Drink a try. It is not so easy... I thought when I had over 3 weeks alcohol free back in July that I beat it. How wrong I was. It is a process. A process I am once again starting today. Good luck to all.

July 23 days sober
August around 15 days sober
Sept.. Well... Not sure any
Oct... ???

Enough!

[DriftyAlison0]

I am worthless

You are not worthless. Just keep trying and trying out another plan. You can do it!

[Nursie]

I am worthless

I feel your pain as many of us do. Perhaps as you said, some sober time will give you a clear head to decide which direction you want to go in. But none of us, including you, are worthless. Would you be worthless if you had diabetes? Cancer? No. There are meds and programs for those diseases and there are meds and programs for ours. We can choose a plan that works for us and if it doesn't work we change it until it works, just like any other disease.
Chin up. Do what the nice nurse tells ya. You're worth it.

[Turnagain]

I am worthless

data...

I know exactly what you are saying. I felt that way too. For years.

Now that I finally made the decision to embrace the non-drinking way of life...well I gotta tell you from this side...it's a bit surreal to look back and wonder WHY I was so afraid.

This is freedom. This is joy. This is confidence. This is calmness and peace. This is hope. This is happiness.

Why would I ever give this up?


3 days...keep looking forward. Your body and brain are healing. Give it a chance. I promise you will not regret it.

[Nursie]

I am worthless

Data, how are you feeling today?

[datadaddy]

I am worthless

Just wanted to give a heartfelt thanks to everyone who replied, it really does help. I'm still having a lot of the same feelings but sometimes (it's a weird thing and hard to put a finger on) I feel subtle changes in my mind and view on alcohol (if this can happen after 5 days now, I wonder what will happen after 30).

I am going to order a couple of the books and I had already ordered baclofen and some supplements. Once I get to a week AF, I will share my plan, research, feelings with my fiance. I have been silent to her about this since my last "over drinking episode".

It truly is nice to hear from people and get some words of encouragement from those in similiar situations.

Big thanks again...

[Unwasted]

I am worthless

Glad you're posting DD - sounds like you're doing much better! Best to you.

[tonstantweader]

I am worthless

We're all here for you so keep coming back. Sounds as if you have already started on a plan. As Turnagain said, not drinking alcohol is so much better. Every thing about your life will improve. Simple things like washing my face and brushing my teeth in the evening are great joys to me now since not too long ago I would pass out in bed without having done those things and wake up to a blaring tv, the lights on, and wondering where my glasses were (usually underneath my bloated body!). I kidded myself that everyone falls asleep occasionally with the tv on, lights on, and glasses all askew, but you know what? That hasn't happened once in the two months I've been sober. Life is infinitely better.

Enough - hope you are hanging in there. It is a process. I still don't know if this time will take for me, but I keep reminding myself that drinking doesn't help me solve anything at all.

[Unwasted]

I am worthless

Tonstant - I can really relate to what you're saying about getting pleasure out of simple things. It's wonderful - makes you feel alive instead of like a zombie - so much better!