Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

[Wagoneer]

November 1 would be my one year sober anniversary. I did not make it though. I have not gotten back to the way I was consuming all that wine. Over the past two weeks, for some reason, I have had a few drinks. I actually SNUCK a few drinks. SNUCK THEM! What an idiot! I did not get buzzed or drunk, did not do stupid things, did not drive or drunk text, did not get a hangover, but I DRANK. Like a big stupid asshole, I drank. I let the stress of my job and my marriage get to me and it made me temporarily feel better. For like an hour. I CHOSE TO DO THIS MOST STUPID THING. But it of course did not change things except that I felt guilty and stupid. And did it about 5 times over teh past two weeks. I will not do it anymore. Over the past two days I have been going over in my mind how stupid I will look and feel to all my friends here who have worked so hard staying sober and supporting each other. My sweet friend Madmans sent me a message a few days back and I just got it. He was seeing how I was and how I was feeling about my upcoming anniversary. Can you say Divine Intervention? I can?t thank you enough Madmans. This is what I needed.
I am so sorry to have let you guys down ? you guys that always have been there for me. I thought I could do this myself and not need to have a support system, but I do. I stayed sober for 11 months and I am proud about that, but am sick that I let that damned alohol get the best of me. I am an alcoholic and I hate it. I cannot moderate ever. EVER EVER EVER EVER.

So I guess I?m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack??.

All my love to you friends. And I am sorry.

[looking for peace]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

How are you doing today Wagoneer? Don't beat yourself up too much. I just wish I had almost one full year. You should be proud. I am very new to the abstinence thing. Before that trying to moderate for years. Your message is a big one for the newer people that may think down the line "just the one can't hurt". Time and time again, we hear stories of people going back after a period of abstinence only finding it 10 times harder to quit again.

Good luck to you this time around. I too believe in divine intervention and the power of coincidence. Keep coming back, Peace

[Chillgirl]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Waggy - Its great to see you back here!
Divine intervention?! ABSOLUTELY! 3 cheers for Madman :cheering: :cheering: :cheering:

The MOST important thing is that you are here, put the past behind you where it belongs and look ahead to a wonderful AF future.
The fact you have seen the futility and pointlessness to drinking is a big step and will help banish future thoughts of modding.

If not..... you could always get a tattoo with this on it

Wagoneer;1197481 wrote: I cannot moderate ever. EVER EVER EVER EVER.

Sending you love and strength and a BIG :welcome: back.

Chill

[Wagoneer]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Thanks guys - it is a wonderful thing to know, in my heart, that I cannot ever drink again. It is actually kind of a relief. Almost like I was testing myself. But now I know.

X X O O

[Meech]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Welcome back Wagoneer. Treat yourself like your own best friend. Don't be too hard on yourself. 11months is FANTASTIC. Don't beat yourself up that you aren't 1 year. Celebrate the 11 months of sobriety.

And be proud that you are back on track so fast. You didn't start digging a great big hole again, just scuffed the earth a bit. dust is settled now and only sober rewarding days ahead!!!

:l

[patrice]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Hi Wagoneer

Just to say fantastic for the 11months - I really look up to that

And just be proud that you only slipped for a few weeks, me I slipped and its taken (taking) nearly a year to get back

Take Care
Patrice

[DriftyAlison0]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Wagoneer;1197902 wrote: Thanks guys - it is a wonderful thing to know, in my heart, that I cannot ever drink again. It is actually kind of a relief. Almost like I was testing myself. But now I know.

X X O O

Having that feeling will help you. You can do it!

[SKendall]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Hi Wagoneer, we don'tknow each other, but I highly recommend the book "How to kick the drink" by Jason Vale, it will outline the uselessness of booze to any degree. Good Luck.

[greeneyes]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Waggy, I SOO get that!! I drank after a year (thought I was cured) and unlike you, it got out of control. I don't recommend it, but it was indeed a valuable lesson. I did get back on the wagon and that was 2 years ago. Keep the lesson at heart. It was a gift. And so is madmans

[Sunbeam]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Wagoneer, each of us creates our own path. You had a bump at 11 months, but now you are back on the smooth, rational road. It's a big relief, isn't it? That drinking thought may have been lurking for awhile, but now it is DEAD. Good for you for quickly getting your resolve back.

[Megan1959]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Hi Wagoneer, I was sober for 5 years and fell way back. At least you know where you are. You have been there to support me lately and I admire you. The silver lining in your post lets us all know how hard this is for even the strongest of us. I'm new on this board but I look up to you and am thankful for finding such a strong new friend. I hope that the personal problems you are facing smooth out and you are Blessed for overcoming the bump in your road. Thanks for all that you do for all of us.

[K9Lover]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Hi Wagoneer!
Good to see you again! I had a few bumps myself...was away from the boards for a while, but I'm back again and ready to continue the good fight. Let's do this together!
K9

[Doggygirl]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Hi Wagoneer! Just now saw your post. Welcome back. I too had to go through the decision to drink. My situation was more like Greenie's - I drank one day and it wasn't too bad, so I thought I was "cured." :H:H The scary part for me is that I spun back out of control again (of course) and realized pretty quickly what a huge mistake I made. BUT...for some reason, I really , really strugglef for a long time before I could get firmly back on the wagon.

Now I know better. If you know better now too, then something really important was accomplished with this!!!

DG

[madmans]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Hi Waggy

I am so sorry to have let you guys down

you haven't let anyone down waggy, like so many here have said accepting that you can not drink again can be so liberating .
I'm glad to see you back and hope to see more of your posts , i always loved to read your straight talking no BS posts .
A lot of people here helped me get to where i am today on this site and your posts and friendship help me get over a lot of tough times that only people here could understand, no way was i going to forget that

[Kaslo]

Divine Intervetion....YES PLEASE

Hi Wagoneer....your post really hit home for me. I am just now coming up for ten months, and yesterday I started thinking in the back of my mind I could maybe sneak one, and no one would know. What the hell was that?? Your example explains it to me in a way I did not understand before. I actually did think I was cured, too. (As if). I mostly hang out on Monthly Abstinence Daily thread, but I wanted to know how much your post helped me realise what kind of foolish "stinkin thinkin" i was indulging in. So thank you so much!

Kaslo