Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Back...again (at least)

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 2
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 template Next
    #1

    Back...again (at least)

    It's been awhile and i am having the wirst day. Second day in a row I called in...I just can't seem to moderate AT ALL. Woke up this morning after having a grueling day yesterday...just wanting to end it all, because I'm sick of fighting constatntly. I do everything I got the meds, I try to moderate, I try not to moderate then binge. I'm just tired. I just bought a house I have a wonderful job (that I may loose) I have an awesome family and (2) that mean the absolute WORLD to me, and a husband who puts up with my shit who just opened up his own company, and the only I wanted to do was die...how easy it could be, then I could take the poion out of family's, there set now. SO i forced myself to get up and google the affects of parental suicide on children. So now I've been crying all day and want to go get some vodka. stupid...I refuse...I've been cleaning, through how terrible I feel...preparing myself for the boys to get home and try my hardest, but I don't think my hardest can beat this and just make it thru tonight...I'm sorry and no one knows me, cuz I'd rather lurk.

    But here I amtrying something, anything new
    Tags: None
    #2
    Back...again (at least)

    Hi Discovermarisa and welcome back.

    Get yourself into the newbies nest and meet some people who are in the same boat as yourself and also check out the toolbox thread in monthly abstinence thread.Read and post as much as you can and ask any questions that will pop into your mind and remember you are not alone in this battle and a journey of a thosand miles starts with just the first step.


    :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

    Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
    I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

    This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

    Comment

      #3
      Back...again (at least)

      I've been there too! When i was actively drinking ( daily for 10 years) i was lost in a tunnel of depression, suicidal thoughts, hopelessness and enormous sadness. I managed to own my owm home, have a great job and an awesome step daughter but i kept going thru the insanity of drinking. It was a vicious cycle and i managed to finally get off it march 17th of this year and now i have none of that despair. It is not magical and some days are harder than others but it is sooo worth it. I tried so many things to get sober over the past 4 years and finally Smart Recovery and most importantly an overwhelming desire to end the insanity got me on the road to sobriety.

      I just want to let you know there is hope! Check out the tool box, reads lots here, reach out to people here, try AA or Smart or Women for Sobriety, try everything you to can and if something doesnt work for you keep trying. I did and I will never go to back to the hell of drinking.
      AL free since March 17th 2011...loving this life. No drinking no matter what.

      Hi my name is Lori and i am so happy to be here.

      Comment

        #4
        Back...again (at least)

        Please stay strong. You have so much to live for. Stay on here, don't just lurk - post, share and read. You will come out of this darkness, just don't give up. Please don't give up. The people on here are lifesavers. Life is so much better without drinking. It really is.
        February 27th, 2013. A New , Successful Start. :h

        When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top!!

        Comment

          #5
          Back...again (at least)

          Thank you its just super hard...I can't believe I haven't left to get something...The first boy is home and I'm so sick, I just want to drink, I'm thinking only one, but I know that isn't true...So I'm going to try my hardest.
          I wish I could remember how bad I felt all day before I mess up again...:upset:

          Comment

            #6
            Back...again (at least)

            hi Discover and welcome. Your first step is posting on here so you do want to end the cycle of AL. Try and keep busy so that you dont want to drink. Play with your boys, even if it is a half hearted attempt at least you are with them. the days get better. i have been drinking for years and got to two bottles a day. my children are older but it was affecting them and my relationship with them. My children are my world and i have thought they would be better off without me but i would miss them getting married, having grandchildren, helping them when they need their mum. You are a good and decent woman Discover and as the other posts said read and post. I made it to day 11 and i cant remember ever doing that. I had a relapse but back on board now. This site is wonderful along with the people on it. Dont hide and if u fall down get back up.
            AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

            Comment

              #7
              Back...again (at least)

              The anxiety is killing me! I was on the campral for awhile but wasnt taking it right, then I stopped all together, then we got a bug in the house I'm sick on top of it, I talked to my work and they said everything was fine, but I keep thinking they are gonna fire me and I make the money in the house becuase my husband just opened a company...I just don't want to let my family down

              Comment

                #8
                Back...again (at least)

                (((Marisa)))

                Have you thought about seeing a doctor and maybe getting on antabuse? If you are feeling suicidal hon, maybe if you were literally sick if you drank that would take the choice out of your hands. You are too good a person and needed too much. Maybe even check yourself into detox for a few days?

                Comment

                  #9
                  Back...again (at least)

                  I tried it...making myself almost die, then learned how to go around it if I wanted to drink...count the days until 5 then go on binging...I think I'm selfish

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Back...again (at least)

                    Marisa, life really is better without alcohol. Can you try just getting a little bit of AF time under your belt so you can see how good it feels? You have stress in your life that would be much easier to handle without being sick and hungover.

                    Can you go to an AA meeting? You could at least try that to see if it would help.

                    Please let us know how you're doing.

                    Sending you peace and strength.:l

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Back...again (at least)

                      DiscoverMarisa, my heart goes out to you. Hopelessness is an awful feeling. But you have to congratulate yourself for coming here and, by posting, asking for help. You are one of millions of alcohol abusers and the absolute best thing is that you are one of a small minority of those millions who recognizes that she needs help. Denial is such a road block to kicking the habit and you are admitting you have a problem. Congratulations.

                      We are all in this together in different stages of our alcohol abuse. I am on day one myself. Keep posting, keep reading.

                      Take care..
                      Tipplerette

                      I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                      "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                      ? Lao-Tzu

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Back...again (at least)

                        Discover,
                        Please tell me you are still here. Lord knows we have all been here/there. Let me know you are okay.
                        Let us help you.

                        Please...been there!

                        LL:l
                        The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.

                        *Don't look where you fall, look why you slipped*

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Back...again (at least)

                          Hi Marissa -- hope you are feeling better. Remember that the anxiety, depression and yukky feelings will subside as the alcohol is eliminated from your system. Give your body a chance and the time to heal. Rather than drink take a nap, talk to someone, post here, clean, eat a little bit of protein throughout the day, and depending how much/what you drank, you may also consider going to your doctor/emergency room to avoid seizures. Your body should readjust to abstinence in 2-5 days, although there may be some underlying issues that may need to be faced and corrected. Have faith ... so, so many good people have suffered with alcohol abuse and come though on a better side. Remember too that part of our serenity comes from being at peace with living with unsolvable things. Just move away from drinking, slowly and surely, one step at a time. ABove all else, be patient with and kind to yourself. Take good care, janka
                          Cuckoo for Cocoa Puff!!!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Back...again (at least)

                            Ha ha he , Wagoneer I love your avatar, this I think will be a new saying for me lmao. G

                            I am sorry, I was lurking here, but seriously discover, some people can not moderate , I am one of those. It would be nice but unfortunately not a reality for me and many. Stay close and keep posting. XO G

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Back...again (at least)

                              I'm still here...did well for 11 days and then binged akll weekend, I HATE THIS! I had so much plans this weekend and I totally let my kids down not being able to carry through with them. I feel like such an a**hole :bang

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 template Next
                              Working...
                              X