I drank tonight :(

[Saoirse & the wild horse]

Hello All.

I'm disappointed and a little ashamed to inform all my new friends and all those of you who have been supportive and helpful to me, that I drank tonight!

Today is thanksgiving ( for those of you not living in the US ) and I guess I knew it was coming, as I haven't been on this website mwo for a few days! Felt like I didn't need it!!!!!
Then I obsessed about it all day, went back and forth discussing it with my husband : will I ? won't I? I felt arrogant and cocky in my 10 weeks sober . And now I feel so very sad

I had 2 glasses of wine, on my first I drank it kinda slowly . Then when I saw the people I was with were going to order another drink , I drank mine faster so I could get my order in. And that was just on my second drink!!! Amazing how quickly it can rear it's ugly head!
I have been an on again off again binge drinker and I gave up in sept , because I had a few months where I binge drank more often. At least once a week!

Am I f***ked now? I feel this obsessive constant fight with alcohol, where I go back and forth thinking I want to drink and then thinking I don't . I promised myself tonight that I would not drink again, as even though I had 2 drinks only ( it still made me feel sad and scared) as I really really liked the feeling of being a sober person.

Am I going to be able to do this now? Or did I just ruin everything?? Has this happened to anyone ? I'm so afraid and lost right now? How can I stop myself from obsessing about alcohol?????

How can 2 glasses of wine make me feel so bad inside ? I'd that because I'm an alcoholic? And as a binge drinker am I an alcoholic??
Any and all advice is greatly appreciated!!

[jessie]

I drank tonight

I read somewhere that Campral helps to change/ correct your brain chemistry so that the compulsion becomes easier to handle.
Maybe someone can comment on that?

[Nelz]

I drank tonight

Saoirse & the wild horse;1214646 wrote: Hello All.

I'm disappointed and a little ashamed to inform all my new friends and all those of you who have been supportive and helpful to me, that I drank tonight!

Today is thanksgiving ( for those of you not living in the US ) and I guess I knew it was coming, as I haven't been on this website mwo for a few days! Felt like I didn't need it!!!!!
Then I obsessed about it all day, went back and forth discussing it with my husband : will I ? won't I? I felt arrogant and cocky in my 10 weeks sober . And now I feel so very sad

I had 2 glasses of wine, on my first I drank it kinda slowly . Then when I saw the people I was with were going to order another drink , I drank mine faster so I could get my order in. And that was just on my second drink!!! Amazing how quickly it can rear it's ugly head!
I have been an on again off again binge drinker and I gave up in sept , because I had a few months where I binge drank more often. At least once a week!

Am I f***ked now? I feel this obsessive constant fight with alcohol, where I go back and forth thinking I want to drink and then thinking I don't . I promised myself tonight that I would not drink again, as even though I had 2 drinks only ( it still made me feel sad and scared) as I really really liked the feeling of being a sober person.

Am I going to be able to do this now? Or did I just ruin everything?? Has this happened to anyone ? I'm so afraid and lost right now? How can I stop myself from obsessing about alcohol?????

How can 2 glasses of wine make me feel so bad inside ? I'd that because I'm an alcoholic? And as a binge drinker am I an alcoholic??
Any and all advice is greatly appreciated!!

I dont want to speak for EVERYONE, but let me speak for most of us. I didnt quit on my first try. I was gonna go cold turkey and just quit. Made it a few days, started drinking, gave up on quitting........Rinse, Lather, and Repeat.



10 weeks is fantastic! Id suggest you remember exactly how it made you feel.......store that in your memory banks, and pull up that data, then next time your AL brain decides it knows whats best for you.

I wouldnt beat myself up long, put it behind you, nothing can be done at this point except to get back up on the abwagon, and slay the AL beast.

Wishing renewed strength to help battle this crazy thing.

[aprilmoon]

I drank tonight

As a former binge drinker, I am proud of you for stopping at 2. If I were to have one drink, I wouldn't be able to stop at 2. That is why I can never even have one drink because I know one drink will not be enough...neither will 10.

Don't beat yourself up about this. Just remember the days when 2 was just a start for you. Pick yourself back up and you can make another 10 weeks.

As many others on here, we didn't stop drinking the first time. I have been sober now for over 2 years, but I have made the year mark several times and thought I could just buy one bottle of rum. It couldn't hurt.....yes that one bottle led to many many more. I'm surprised my local liquor store is still in up and running without my business. LOL

[Chillgirl]

I drank tonight

Saoirse - Although it may not feel like it, you have made incredible progress. You said yourself that you really really liked being a sober person (thats wonderful!) you also said even although you had only 2 drinks it made you feel "sad and scared", this is also a good sign as it means your true self is trying to fight the monster that keeps egging you on to have a drink!

Deep down you know that although you managed to stop at two this time you wont be able to maintain this. There has been a lot of posts recently about attempts to mod which start with a couple and go horribly horribly wrong.

You are certainly not f**ked, far from it. You are recognising the signs of cravings and next time you will be better prepared.

Slipping up doesnt ruin everything, if a tennis champion looses a match he doesnt go back to tennis academy. He regroups, looks at his mistakes and makes a plan to avoid them in the next game.

[one2many]

I drank tonight

Excellent post Chill.

Saoirse, nice one for stopping at two, now dust yerself off and back in the saddle!

[DriftyAlison0]

I drank tonight

If you can make it ten weeks once, you can do it again. You now will know what to do for the next time you feel urges. Instead of listening to them all day, go here. And don't beat yourself up. Most people here don't make it the first time. It would be great if there were more people that could successfully quit the first time, but AL is an evil bastard. I dunno how many times I tried to quit before convincing myself that I was sick and tired of quitting so I modded and when modding failed, I felt ready and I knew that I could do this, so I quit drinking again and this time its different. I have more determination and I know that I will never drink again.

10 weeks isn't bad for the first time. I am real pleased about that. But as I said earlier, not many people make it through the first time. Usually it takes a couple of times. But for those new comers, don't let it get you to drink. I would love to see people quit on their first try and stay quit and not use stuff like most people can't quit on their first quit as an excuse.

[Unwasted]

I drank tonight

Saoirse, I think Chill made some excellent points, as did others who posted.

The idea that your true self wants to be sober really resonates with me..........that when we're at the point where we're don't justify our drinking and feel negatively about falling off the wagon, something positive is happening..........at our core we want to stop but we're overcoming years of habit and addiction.

Definitely don't let the negative thoughts take hold - use the experience to make it work!

Sending you peace and strength.

[Saoirse & the wild horse]

I drank tonight

Thanks everyone for all the support.

Jessie, I will check out campral, has anyone tried L Glutamine for cravings??
Nelz thanks for the support , I can and will do this again
Mollyka , i know being sober is a decision and the battle of the mind is a powerful one, as an ex binge drinker what do you do when you've got a certain amount of sobriety under your belt and you feel cocky or the AL voice gets inside your head?? Any tips ??
Chill girl , it really made me feel good and has given me new conviction knowing my true elf wants me to be sober!! I feel that too . Otherwise why would I be so upset with myself for 2 drinks? ( though I wanted more)

Thanks all for the support , I feel strong again today.

I bought a potted rose plant today and placed in on my balcony, before I placed the plant in it's new pot I wrote down a little prayer and a wish ( for all of us ) and placed it under the soil in the pit, so now as the roses bloom so too will our prayers and wishes

[timpin]

I drank tonight

Hi Saoirse

Please don't beat yourself up. You slipped up and of course all of here have done that too. Some of us will do it again, but you went ten weeks and that is a marvellous achievement ! All of us on here are actually much cleverer than the drinkers because we have all realised that we have a problem and they haven't ! That makes us much smarter than them. You asked about Campral. I started on mine last night an initially I have one months supply. After that I have to go back to my doctor to get a repeat prescription provided that I have not had any drinks. Are you in England ? If so you can get it free but you have to persuade your doctor first. That means not drinking at all for a few days. If you relapse and have a drink, it will not harm you in any way. I don't know how long it takes to kick in for effect but I have now had four doses and this evening I have absolutely no desire for a drink. That may just be in my mind though. I'll keep reporting back on progress with it. Good luck.

[Lavande]

I drank tonight

Saoirse,

If you haven't already I highly you invest in the MWO Hypno Cds.
They really helped me change my thinking & stop obssessing about AL

Do yourself a favor & arm yourself with the best weapons available

Lav

[Saoirse & the wild horse]

I drank tonight

Thanks Mollyka , your story sounds like mine. I don't know about you but now it's so strange " I completely hate myself when I drink." even if it was only 2 last night it still made me go to a dark place today. That's enough to keep me sober. Staying sober initially is easy for me as I have no desire or craving for alcohol, it's after a few weeks the evil AV starts whispering to me
But this site helps so so much!!!!
Lavende I will definitely look into the CDs , have you tried the L Glutamine ??
Timpin I will look into the campral, I'm in the states , I'm not sure how it works here!! I was thinking of getting the Lglutamine as I read it's good for cravings!! Will keep ye posted.

Thanks everyone for the support !!

[Saoirse & the wild horse]

I drank tonight

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with this thoughts mollyka! I'm flying on Xmas eve myself too, and even though I decided to be sober today I also had the crazy thought of drinking on the plane for Xmas eve!!! Alcohol is really really conniving and tricky! I'm so glad I recognize that now aswell!!

Growing up in Ireland binge drinking was the norm on the weekends. And everyone tells me I'm not an alcoholic! But as soon as you don't feel good anymore when you drink, you lie and make a fool of yourself and hurt those you love . But you still want more alcohol!! Then you know!!
And once you recognize that you have an AL problem it changes everything and you will either shape up or go down a very dark & lonely path.

[mario]

I drank tonight

Saoirse & the wild horse;1214646 wrote: Hello All.

I'm disappointed and a little ashamed to inform all my new friends and all those of you who have been supportive and helpful to me, that I drank tonight!

Today is thanksgiving ( for those of you not living in the US ) and I guess I knew it was coming, as I haven't been on this website mwo for a few days! Felt like I didn't need it!!!!!
Then I obsessed about it all day, went back and forth discussing it with my husband : will I ? won't I? I felt arrogant and cocky in my 10 weeks sober . And now I feel so very sad

I had 2 glasses of wine, on my first I drank it kinda slowly . Then when I saw the people I was with were going to order another drink , I drank mine faster so I could get my order in. And that was just on my second drink!!! Amazing how quickly it can rear it's ugly head!
I have been an on again off again binge drinker and I gave up in sept , because I had a few months where I binge drank more often. At least once a week!

Am I f***ked now? I feel this obsessive constant fight with alcohol, where I go back and forth thinking I want to drink and then thinking I don't . I promised myself tonight that I would not drink again, as even though I had 2 drinks only ( it still made me feel sad and scared) as I really really liked the feeling of being a sober person.

Am I going to be able to do this now? Or did I just ruin everything?? Has this happened to anyone ? I'm so afraid and lost right now? How can I stop myself from obsessing about alcohol?????

How can 2 glasses of wine make me feel so bad inside ? I'd that because I'm an alcoholic? And as a binge drinker am I an alcoholic??
Any and all advice is greatly appreciated!!

A person in need and a listener were on the telephone.The problem is, began the one in need, I wouldn't be in this situation if those things had not happened.The one in need talked on, listing all the people places and things that brought him to such a state.The listener let him finish and then replied, I believe your blaming people places and things for your problems. You can only blame yourself because your the only one that can change things, As long as you hide behind :causes: you wont take action Its up to you to act so do it. It may be easier to blame because finding remedies means we will have to work, Looking for scapegoats for our current situation wont get us out of our ruts it will only mire us deeper,To get free we need to use our talents and wisdom to good benefit, As the listener said its up to us to take action so lets do it AND KEEP AT IT.

[lifechange]

I drank tonight

hello everyone.

i am back after a few months of thinking i could moderate. its been 5 months! of starting each day with great intentions. and having to end each day with hopes for tomorrow.

10 weeks is a great amount of time and the responses from the other members are so valuable. i'm sending strength vibes 'cause i'm feeling strong today--but i'm scared to death of the days to come. i try to just focus on getting through this day 2. and i try not to kick myself in the ass for being in the same situation i was last year and the year before that and so on.

i'm glad to be back.