It's been a year and this time it's worse

[franziasgone]

OK~ It's been over a year since I've posted. Thought I didn't need this kind of help.

Still drinking and taking narcotic pain killers, muscle relaxers, sleeping pills.....

Quit my great job as a school nurse because I couldn't get up at 5:30 am and felt quilty about my double life.

My husband was diagnosed with diabetes last Christmas. Hasn't changed one single thing as far as diet, exercise, lifestyle. Can't say I've helped him much either.

We opened a gourmet olive oil and balsamic vinegar store....touting the fabulous health benefits of our product. Ironic uh?
We've been open 6 months, business is good because I put on a great front. However....hubby has steadily declined in the last 3 months to the point where he literally can't walk....has to steady himself holding the wall and doors. Saw his endocrinologist today and she flat out said "are you an alcoholic?" "you have to stop drinking"

So where do we go from here now? I drink nightly.....3 to 4 glasses of wine. Sometimes more. He hides 1.5 liter bottles of bourbon and gin in the garage and drinks during the day.
We both take opiates.

I know I have to stop to help him but here I sit on my 3rd glass of wine.
I can't run the store by myself....but I don't want him staggering in front of customers.
I know I need to change my life in order to change his life.....

I almost wish she would have found something else wrong that would have been more easily fixed!

How do I do this?

[CS04]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Hi Franz,
I am sorry things are in such a screwy state for you. I don't really know what to suggest, other than perhaps can you hire a manager for the store (even part-time) so that you and your husband can attend to health needs? You may also want to get some family health counseling. Partially AL issues perhaps but it sounds like there are some other more pressing medical and prescriptive needs. As a nurse, you probably know more than I do.

Please keep in touch and us know know you're doing.

[Supercrew]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Hi Franz,

I feel your pain, it's tough when you are caught in a downward spiral. I'm curious about this statement:

I almost wish she would have found something else wrong that would have been more easily fixed!

I understand that quitting drinking is hard, but there aren't many major health ailments that are easier to fix than problem drinking. I understand that your husband might decide not to try, but would he rather die than quit drinking? Don't get me wrong, in my 27 years of drinking I probably would have said I would have rather died than quit, but when push comes to shove most people choose life over drinking...but it has to be his decision.

I would go back to the doctor and ask if she could provide you with some guidance and tell her the exact amounts that your husband drinks so she can help make the withdrawal period as safe as possible, and then I would be on the internet and this forum daily researching how you can help save your husband's life, as well as learning about reason why you should want to be sober.

Just my 2 cents. Good luck!

[Tipplerette]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Hi Frang, You can't force your hubby to do anything. You can be there for him and be a good example. I drink exactly the same amount you do and am at my wits end but I am not dealing with a hubby who is in such dire straits. My hubby drinks and won't likely quit with me although he will slow down. Your hubby inevitably may slow down if you decide to give it up.

If it would help you at all, I came on this morning looking for a buddy to go cold turkey with. I am leaving for the weekend though and won't be online too much for a day or so.

I realize after many tries that even if we only have three or four a night, it's damn hard to quit. We have to look at it as embracing sobriety not denial of booze.

I hope you take care of yourself. That's really all you can do.

You and your hubby will be in my thoughts. Let me know if you want to move forward with this together.

[Unwasted]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Franz - what you and your husband don't have a feel for right now is that life is actually much much better without alcohol. We can't see it when we're in the dungeon. But if you can commit to getting a chunk of time AF, then you'll begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You'll start wanting that feeling more and more, and eventually you won't want to compromise it. It took me a year, but I've finally got it. I had lots of attempts to quit. So, if you've been miserable for a year, maybe you're ready.

The best thing you could do for your husband would be to stop drinking and be the strong one - tend to the store, etc. Maybe a doctor could get him on some kind of anti-craving medication if he's as bad off as he sounds from your description. Not sure how that would work with the diabetes.

Keep reading and posting - we are a good sounding board.

Sending you peace and strength.

[K9Lover]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Hi Franz and welcome back!

First let me say I'm sorry that you're in a bad spot right now. Secondly, I'm glad you've come back, and are now seeking help and support. I would recommend that you come clean with your doctor. Be completely honest about how much you drink, and anything else you take.

You said you're ready for change...so start making small changes. No, it's not easy, but as Unwasted said, it's hard to see the big picture from the bottom of the pit. If you can even get a few days, you'll notice the fog will start to clear, and then you can make a longer-term plan.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing, we're interested in you and wishing the best for you!

K9

[Doggygirl]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Franz, I feel for what you are going through. My Dad is very sick with diabetes and that is just not pleasant to watch a loved one suffer with.

You can't fix him in terms of getting clean and sober. The only one you can fix is you. Detoxing from AL AND opiates is an additional challenge. Will you and or your husband consider treatment?

I'm sorry you are going through this and hope you find your way to freedom.

DG

[spacebebe01]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Franz, you do seem to be in a confusing mess, I do think you should tell you doctor what is going on, your husband may probably need help detoxing and definately needs help with diabetes but it is of course up to him to decide whether or not he want to do anything about it. I agree that for a long time I thought I didnt have the strength to stop drinking and would just have to carry on until I died, but as I got progressively worse and dying was starting to become more of a reality I realised I actually dont want to die so that left me with wanting to live. I also think that maybe your so stuck with the problems you cannot imagine how much better and easier life will become without AL and the other drugs you are taking, and that realisation can happen in a very short space of time when you have stopped. Can you get someone in to work in the shop so and your husband can spent time looking after yourselves and your health.

My husband was type 2 diabetic, he was also alcohollic and addictied to cocaine, and took a whole lot of other prescription meds as well. He did not change his diet or lifestlye after being diagnosed with diabeties. On 17th February he will have been dead 5 years, my children have no dad now. I do not want to scare you but that is the reality of this. The positive side is that your husband is still alive and can still change things and so can you, even a tiny step is progress.

I hope that you can both get help, will your husband read, maybe you could find some stuff to print out for him.

I wish you both well

[Unwasted]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Spacebebe - wow, so sorry to hear about what you went through. It must have been excruciatingly hard to watch someone self-annihilate like that! :lilheart:

[patrice]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Wow, Thank you Spacebob...for your honesty, we all really need to look after ourselves.and our loved ones.

And Franz... I do remember you from a year ago ,please take care... I wish you and your husband all the best.. It's the year of the Chinese Water Dragon... I plan to drink loads of water

Take Care
Patrice

[Balboa45]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Very sorry to hear about your husband. I watched my Aunt and Uncle suffer a similar situation a few years ago. They were running a successful trucking company in the mid west and both drinking heavily. My Uncle developed diabetes and had many complications (he also smoked 2 packs a day).

I think the most effective thing she did to at least help him have a chance was to quit drinking herself. I know how hard that is to do, but this way at least she was thinking more clearly and able to make decisions to try to help him. Keeping Dr. appointments, following up on medication dosage, ect. He ended up passing away, strangely enough from esophagus damage and not from the complications of diabetes.

Prayers coming your way, I think you still have some hope, were here for you.

B-45

[franziasgone]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Thank you all so much for your concern.....It really helps to read all your posts.
My husband has shown interest in changing- but of course it's only been 3 days.

We both have "cut back" our alcohol and I know that doesn't mean much but it's all I've got right now.

One huge obstacle I didn't mention is my husband has no medical insurance~ the joys of being self employed in the US!!

[franziasgone]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

To Supercrew ~

Thank you for bringing that statement to my attention.

It dawned on me what I said ... "I wish the doctor would have found something else wrong with my husband that was easier to fix" .....

Obviously that is my selfishness speaking.

I apparently don't want to stop drinking and I'm mad because he has to.

It's so damn frustrating!
We went grocery shopping together and bought all kinds of "healthy organic food" and I spent the entire afternoon making a lovely salad, a beautiful healthy dinner with no red meat, carbs, fat, dairy, sugar, etc etc.....

It was delicious.

We are buying a exercise bike tomorrow we found online......

He is really trying, has had no alcohol today at all.

I am on my 3rd glass of wine....... what the HELL is wrong with me??

[Jolie]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Your human and while quitting is not easy, it is doable. So sorry you are going through all of this right now. Your hubby is making an effort - why not match him? Help each other and hold each other accountable.

I know it's hard and I'm sure you are thinking "easier said than done". Take it one day at a time and just make up your mind for today (or tomorrow if you've already started drinking today) - I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY.

ODAT - we will be here to help!

Good luck to you.

:l

[franziasgone]

It's been a year and this time it's worse

Mother in law isn't helping

On top of the problems with hubby is his mom. The man is 56 yrs old and she still tries to control our lives.
According to her.....the reason he drinks is me!
It's all my fault........and I'm the only one who needs to change...

He has gone two days AF.....I'm very proud and surprised, and now of course he is becoming resentful because I have not.

I don't blame him one bit.