Fed up!

[Kaslo]

Fed up!

available;1250943 wrote: oh the blackouts now arent they great things not! i too wake up with bruises and think mmm what did i do. oh i have men that want me but sex is not the be all and end all and yes i have to learn to like myself again. i like myself when i am not drinking dont think much of myself a night after drinking which was last night. i even sat there drinking thinking what am i doing, i dont want to drink, i dont want to be pissed, i dont want to wake with a hangover and the shakes, so why am i doing it. habit, addicted, its a hideous disease that i will get rid of. thanks for your kind words, they make me think, this site makes me think a lot and i just wld not have had 7 af days if not for here.

I just had to respond to this Available, because I found myself doing EXACTLY the same thing last February. I was sitting there with a glass of wine in my hand, not wanting to drink it, hating how I felt, disliking the taste, thinking to myself this is a fecking CHORE, and then the next day I quit. That was it. its almost a year now. I hope this helps, I really do.

(It also helped me to quit that a relative was bleeding to death in hospital and has subsequently died of liver failure. We all think that cant possibly happen to us, but it does and it will)

Keep trying, please, for your own sake and excuse me but we have to say to ourselves, fuck all those other people Im getting out alive.

Kaslo

[K9Lover]

Fed up!

Saroirse,
My last long-term relationship was so dysfunctional that I didn't see it until it was over. I was a daily blackout drinker and he was on meth (although I did not know this for years! I didn't recognize the signs, I was naive). I think if we were still together we'd be in a hell of a dark place right now. After breaking up, he got clean and now I'm getting sober. I think our explosive personalities with each other would have kept us in the spiral (it was a very passionate relationship, in a good AND a bad way). And I still truly believe he was the love of my life...it's been 7 years and I'm still not OVER him...I'm sure that's another side effect of my addictive personality. Now I am by NO means implying that you'd need to be away from your hubby to get sober...by NO means. I'm just saying that I can identify with having a "binge buddy". Ultimately, you must do this for YOU, and I know that just yesterday I made the comment that I started this journey because of my daughter, but as time goes by, I realize I'm doing it for ME, I'm learing to love ME, finally. Anyway, sorry for the ramble, I just want you to know I understand what you're going through, and I'm wishing you much strength.
K9

[Struggles 106]

Fed up!

CHIMING IN SAOIRSE

I was reading your post and thinking about my own marriage. My husband would have a few beers but he was never a big drinker like me. In my case to be honest I married him because he was the only person who ever gave a shit about me. Of course I was a mess in terms of emotional maturity, stability, and drinking. My whole life has been defined by decisions borne of drinking. If I had not been influenced in this way I would not have married him.
BUT that being said, you are doing well. This whole damn thing is so hard without support all around, especially from those close to you.
I wonder now looking back how my husband tolerated being around a bunch of drunk idiots, meaning me and our friends. He did drink but not alcoholically. No wonder he finally left me.
You have the right idea-you are doing it for you and your husband's reasons for doing whatever he does are his alone. You are only responsible for you. You can't carry the whole weight of the relationship as it changes.
I wish you well and I feel your pain. I spend a lot of time alone and I don't mind it at all. I'd rather be home alone doing music, art or whatever than down the street at the dive bar drunk.
As someone else posted noone cares if you drink yourself to death, sort of. I mean yes some people do I'm sure but they cannot control what you pour down your throat.
When I hear people talking about drinkers I cringe because I know these are the same derisive comments that have been made about me. Though it is an addiction, and we know that, and a lot of people know that-there is still an expectation of some personal responsibility.
I have one friend who said (before I stopped) that she just didn't get it-why I kept doing something that was so bad for me. I had to look myself in the eye and say WHY IS THAT?
Hang in there and stay strong!

[Saoirse & the wild horse]

Fed up!

Thank you everyone for the tremendous support! This site is amazing ! People from all over the world supporting and understanding each other.
My hubby is supportive of me being sober! He likes it intact! So long as it doesn't affect his social life.
But in fairness he never drinks like I use to . But I would like if he cut back as it would make temptations much less regular! No bother though...... I'm doing this for me!!!

Thanks again all!!!!!!!!

[mauritiusdodo]

Fed up!

K9Lover;1251152 wrote: Saroirse,
.it's been 7 years and I'm still not OVER him...I'm sure that's another side effect of my addictive personality.
K9

Not meaning to hijack your thread Sao but I just realised something after reading K9's above statement, I have a very addictive personality and i really struggle letting go of things, I won't go into details here but I am now thinking that is the reason i can't let go of alcohol, just the wiring of my brain, I need to find a new way to look at things, thank you K9 you have given me food for thought :l

[Nursie]

Fed up!

This is a good thread.
Saiorse, maybe he wants you think you don't have a problem so he doesn't have to address his.

K9, I have the same story. Same volatile relationship with an alcoholic and drug addict. Same passion. Love of my life. I have moved on and have kids with a much healthier and loving man but I never truly got over it. It still stings a little.