drinking again

[InChains]

so i think the title says it all. i was sober, i think 3-4 days out of 7 one week? then a couple the next week. now none. now not even a cut down, just a slow slide back to where i was before. I haven't managed to strign together more than 3 consecutive days on quit attempts, I have no clue why not, i don't knwo what I'm doing. I don't think I'm that abdly addicted to AL, yet for some reason if I think about nto drinking, I feel terrified, i panic, I can't do it. it's like having a phobia of sobriety. My aim was to moderate, 2 days a week, social drinking, am I really incapable of that? I don't understand whats goign wrong btu I'm scared n confused n woudl really like some advice...

[Supercrew]

drinking again

I can't give you advice if you have it in your mind that you still want to drink. I was never successful at moderating, and it got worse for me the harder I thought I was trying.

As soon as it was in my mind that I was going to limit myself, yet I still really wanted to drink, I seemed to be unable to control myself or quit thinking about drinking for any amount of time. I became obsessed with drinking. When this occurred for me is when I had to reevaluate this mental fixation I had with drinking.

The only thing that worked for me after that point was a complete mental overhaul that changed every drinking thought I had to a negative thought, until I derived no pleasure from alcohol on a mental level.

Prior to me having the obsessive thoughts about alcohol I never understood the true feeling of being addicted. I truly felt helpless, and that is when I realized that addiction is 99% mental, and although that seems like it should be easy to fix, the reality is changing what you believe is just as hard if not harder than changing a physical issue with your body.

If you really want to quit you need to start believing that drinking alcohol is never an option for you. You can look back over my post in the My Story section that describes how I changed what I believed, and you can PM me if you need help.

Good luck!

[Lavande]

drinking again

IC,

You asked for advice -
I think it would be best for you to drop the 'I'm not that badly addicted to AL thinking'.
I had that same thinking for a long, long time too. Once I found MWO & was challenged to a 30 day period of abstinence - my thinking changed. Yes, I was addicted & the thoughts of ever drinking (moderately) again left me. I just can't ever drink again & once I accepted that the rest was not so difficult.

Go back to the beginning, read the MWO book, use the ideas in the Tool box to make yourself a good plan & challenge yourself to 30 AF days. It's amazing how clear your thinking becomes in just one month's time. Don't let fear hold you back - there is nothing to fear living a sober lfe, really.

You can do this, we're here for support

Lav

[ThreeDogNight]

drinking again

Hi, inchy.
Sorry to hear this. But I am not surprised--and I don't mean to sound harsh. I was much like you, and I finally had to go to rehab. I could not do it on my own, even with AA meetings and this great forum. I had to be somewhere where I had no access to alcohol. If it is at all an option for you, please consider it. But you have to be ready to accept the help. You have to want to stop drinking--one day at a time, but with the goal of remaining abstinent.
I am here to help you in any way I can.
:lTDN

[bird]

drinking again

Yeah, I get like that. I get scared(of what?) something might happen and I won't have a beer to fall back on. Or that I will get annoyed with the kids and blow up or any number of things, it is always the fear of not having that al cushion, regardless of the consequences. The past couple years I stay on antabuse alot to give me some think time. I do believe that the mental part is the toughest to beat. I am trying to change the way I think, and I sort of think that is the key...something about it rewires your brain, I read somewhere..

[Jolie]

drinking again

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I really think you need to reach out to maybe a doctor or some type of proffessional help. The want is there, or you wouldn't have posted. I know how hard it is but I'm hoping all the support you get here will help you make the decisions you need to make in your life right now.

Good luck to you and know that we are all pulling for you!

:l

[DriftyAlison0]

drinking again

When you constantly fail at staying sober then yes your badly addicted. First step is to admit it and stop thinking that your not. You can do this!

[Unwasted]

drinking again

Inchy, I can't offer any better advice than what's already been given. All I can add is that I too was terrified at the thought of living without alcohol. After a year and a half of trying to moderate, accepting that I have a problem, finally stopping after putting together a plan, I am now much happier sober. I could not have imagined this once upon a time. You have to figure out "your way out" which may include rehab?? Just know that it can be done and you can end up being much happier even though you can't see that right now. Best to you.

[K9Lover]

drinking again

Inchy -
I'll be honest, when I quit it wasn't meant to be "forever". I was just going to stop for a while and then see how it went. There was no way in hell I was going to envision my life with alcohol permanently removed. But somewhere along the way, with all the stops, starts, failures and successes, my whole thinking changed. Life without alcohol is not a deprivation. Do you feel sad knowing that you can never drink drain cleaner or bleach? Of course not! Alcohol is tricky though, because at first it makes us feel "good"...but it's just as poisonous to our bodies. If you feel bad or guilty doing something, then that's a pretty good sign that you shouldn't be doing it. I hope you can figure out a plan to help you, whether it's a doctor, medication or rehab. I can tell you really want to quit, and I can feel your pain and regret when you continue to drink. Please know we are here for you, and keep us posted on how you are.
K9

[Lulu2012]

drinking again

InChains - at least your story has helped me. I was thinking about having a drink this weekend with friends...at my sons birthday party. Yup a pretty wacky thought but I was thinking I can control it. Your sadness has made me realise, once again, that it is easier to not drink. Allen Carrs Give up Drinking the Easy Way helped my logic. It helps remind me that I am better than ever sober and drinking is a bit of a mugs game. I don't need it and neither do you.

[Doggygirl]

drinking again

Hi Inchy. Lots of great stuff here on this thread! I too struggled with thinking "I'm not that bad." And the thought of not drinking again TERRIFIED ME. These are things that I just had to accept and get on with. Easier said than done, I know.

Are there things you've read/seen people doing to get sober that you haven't tried yet? Maybe it's time to get some new tricks out of the bag.

This is life and death Inchy. Choose life.

DG

[ThreeDogNight]

drinking again

Inchy, worried about you. Haven't heard anything in a couple of days. Can you check in?

[InChains]

drinking again

i'm alive, well, goign through alot of sh*t in my personal life and will not be around until I feel like coming back. That is all.

xIC

[K9Lover]

drinking again

Hi xIC -
Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and hope you're ok. I hope you come back soon.
K9

[Running4life]

drinking again

Hi InChains:
You are not alone in having trouble with trying to rack up sober days. I think all of us here have been where you are. I struggled to stay AF for even 1 or 2 days. What helped me was Antibuse. It takes the argument away and that can be quite liberating. Can you get some from your doctor?
I try not to think about my future without alcohol. It is still frightening for me but I do think about how good I feel today. I have been sober for four months and I can tell you, I don't miss the headaches and upset stomach. I also don't miss the conversations that I had and can't remember.
If you are really wondering if you are or are not addicted try to go AF for 30 days. If you find it really tough then I would say you are. Only you can decide whether you should quit or not. If you do want to quit then Antibuse is a good tool but please don't try drinking with it. That experience is not pleasant.
Good luck.
R4L