I cheated while drunk :(

[Gods way]

I went out of town for buisness. It was my 1st time being away from my husband of 8 years. And I got wasted !!

I had no plans of cheating. I was with a colleague whom I had just met and she was flirting with a guy. His friend was flirting with me . I was not attracted to him , and I told him I am married and I love my husband!

Somehow though as the night went on and I went from wine to champagne to shots and back to wine I blacked out and I slept with this guy!

I awoke hating myself and felt so ashamed and guilty and I blame the alcohol for my cheating.

Is this true? Can alcohol be the reason I cheated with a guy I had no intention of doing anything with. Or is that just a bullshit excuse I am telling myself!
I always thought that people don't cheat on those they love , so does that mean on a subconscious level I wanted to cheat?? Or is it the case like my therapist says ' alcohol can change your personality.'

I am now going to for sure abstain from alcohol and I know I can do it this time.
Hurting myself never was motivation, hurting someone I love is however!!

Has anyone had a similar experience ? I decided not to tell my husband as I know it would devastate him. And right now I'm a little lost!

[Today]

I cheated while drunk

Wow GW, I can tell this has really upset you. And it is serious. I'm not sure if I can advise to anything.

In my 20's I once cheated on a boyfriend while drunk and felt all the things you said; ashamed, guilty and not sure why I did it. Probably you are the only person that could, and you may not be able to.

I wish you well in your goal to abstain from AL and deal with the ramifications to your relationship (you will have to bear this, if that is your decision)

Good luck to you and it is good to keep posting and reading to help recover

[shueaddict]

I cheated while drunk

I am going to go on a limb here and say that AL is to blame. It impairs your judgement. I love my husdband too and never thought of someone else. Also on a business trip I got tipsy and I found myself responding to the flirting coming my way from one of my consultants whom I actually don't even find attractive. I just know in my heart that if he started something I would not have stopped him.

It made me feel rotten for days even if nothing happened. It is one of the many reasons and lows that got me to not drinking.

This morning I am in the same place, same conference, same group of people as that time. I did not drink last night although everyone around me did. I woke up happy but the memory of that last time still haunts me.

Hang in here with us, sending you a big hug

[shueaddict]

I cheated while drunk

I am going to go on a limb here and say that AL is to blame. It impairs your judgement. I love my husdband too and never thought of someone else. Also on a business trip I got tipsy and I found myself responding to the flirting coming my way from one of my consultants whom I actually don't even find attractive. I just know in my heart that if he started something I would not have stopped him.

It made me feel rotten for days even if nothing happened. It is one of the many reasons and lows that got me to not drinking.

This morning I am in the same place, same conference, same group of people as that time. I did not drink last night although everyone around me did. I woke up happy but the memory of that last time still haunts me.

Hang in here with us, sending you a big hug

[Nursie]

I cheated while drunk

I dare say we have all done things that we wish we could erase, wish didn't happen, and hate ourselves for. If this has to be the end of the rope for you, then at least something good came out of it.

I have been told that I am like two different people: Sober Nursie and Drunk Nursie. Drunk Nursie is not someone I am proud of so I don't want to see her again.

You have to do some soul searching here. Only you have te answers you are looking for. Were you like this in college, high school? My concern for you (and there is no judgement here) and your husband is whether protection was used. That would bring up another issue.

If you make mistakes while drunk, then it is best not to drink. If we feel like shot when we drink then suffice it to say, we feel awesome when we don't.

Good luck to you and I hope you stick around with us!

[canadian gal]

I cheated while drunk

I truly believe that it was the alcohol. Alcohol makes us do things that we wouldn't necessarily do. If you were blackout drunk then you don't even know what really happened. I hate to say this, but he could have perhaps raped you. I am assuming you woke up next to this guy and that is how you know it happened?
I have been blackout drunk before and the next day I literally have no idea what happened. How did I get home, why are my pants off but not my shirt, what did I say, what did I try to do? All things that remain a mystery.

I know that you are feeling a ton of guilt right now and feel so ashamed. I can tell you not to feel those things, but I know that it is harder said than done. What you can do is to learn from it and make sure that it NEVER happens again. If that means NEVER drinking again, then that is what it means. I always ask myself is drinking really worth losing my husband over? I know the answer and you do too.

Best of luck.

[azurmyst]

I cheated while drunk

wow

:l
I also blame the alcohol on the choices you made. Be strong and stop beating up yourself. :upset:Tearing yourself down will not solve anything. You can do this and let the past go..... Put it where it belongs the past.
All the best to you and continued success on your AL choices. One day one moment one way

Love and hugs:l

[K9Lover]

I cheated while drunk

I agree it was the alcohol. I have done so many things drunk that I would NEVER do sober. I don't think the "true" us comes out when we're drunk, meaning I don't think you subconsciously wanted to cheat on your husband. I truly believe that alcohol completely changes our personalities, I know it does for me. I am not the same person when I'm drunk. I do and say things that are completely out of character and that I do not agree with doing!

I know you're feeling ashamed, guilty, sad, embarrassed, etc., right now, but realize that you can prevent this from ever happening again. You know how.

Stay strong and try to get past it.

Sending you strength!
xoxo
K9

[Bruunhilde]

I cheated while drunk

GW, I have almost cheated on my long term partner, in a similar situation. I never told him because I knew it would be me laying it on him too, when this is my burden to carry. I don't want to know if he ever slipped, I don't think. Your relationship will change forever if you tell him. Instead I would use the opportunity to resolve yourself against drinking in those situations, and perhaps at all. Stop beating yourself up and use that energy for something positive like healing and loving and living your life better going forward.
Hugs to you!

[Doggygirl]

I cheated while drunk

shoeaddict is not going out on a limb....

Hi Gods way. I'm sorry to read about what happened. I too have done a zillion things I regret while drunk. I am currently studying to become an Addictions Counselor and one of my classes this semester deals with the physiology of the brain, and the impact of drugs (including AL). Alcohol absolutely, physcially affects the areas of our brains having to do with inhibitions and judgement. Sometimes this could mean that we do things we have been wanting to do anyway, but were inhibited from doing. BUT THAT IS NOT ALWAYS HOW IT WORKS. Our judgement is affected dramatically by AL. By the time we are in a black out state, important areas of our brain are depressing to the point of shutting down. (i.e. the brain function that transfers information from short term to long term memory - that's one reason it's a black out!)

So in a state of impairment, there are a number of things at play in our brains that will cause us to do things we normally wouldn't do.

We can't change the past. What we CAN do is make better decisions today.

Good luck to you,

DG

[Steady Hands]

I cheated while drunk

I did the same just before my quit. I already seperated from my husband and went over to friends like I have done many many times....

After I blacked out I apparently smoked a joint and tried to seduce one of them…. Woke up in the other guy’s bed with just my underwear on and had to hear how horny I was!!

I am not attracted to neither of the two and honestly went for a visit.
Although I don’t want to get back with my ex, I don’t want him to ever know about this.
I blame alcohol. That wasn’t me. That was NOT my intentions!!
Horny and looking for acceptance, maybe. But it would NOT have happened if I were sober!
By the time the guy I tried to seduce called me to say lets act like it never happened, I was already wasted again…
You are not alone and you will feel better about yourself again. The more days AF I go, the more I start to respect myself. It is still a bit uncomfortable to see these guys, but I understand the girl who got trashed that night and misbehaved. And I became her hero. She deserves me!!

Don’t tell your husband. My opinion. And get on with the sober life and love you deserve

[IAD]

I cheated while drunk

So it does'nt count ! Ha! I.........wish ! Try to explain to your significant other that you were'nt in your right mind....it's a toughie, but if you had a strong relationship before you should be able to work through this. ( I hope.....) Good Luck ...and welcome to the site, I see you only have a few post. Tony

[crazyforwine]

I cheated while drunk

GW,

I, too, think it was the AL. I have done some horrible things while under the influence-I think we all have!

Just take it as a lesson learned. I can't say what you should do with this information, but if I were in your shoes, I'd keep it to myself and just work on my own issues. And please forgive yourself. You did not set out to have this happen and I don't see it as a terrible moral failing or character defect. You are ok.

CW

[shueaddict]

I cheated while drunk

Hey, God's way,

How are you feeling today?

:l

[ThreeDogNight]

I cheated while drunk

Hi, GW.

I know that in AA we are supposed to make amends, EXCEPT where it could cause harm to another person. That harm can be emotional harm, which this would be, IMO. You have confessed it here, which is great, and have learned from it, so now you can move on. AL does horrible things to us and that is the best reason for staying AF!

:lTDN