I cheated while drunk :(

[RugbyInApril]

I cheated while drunk

Hi -- First time poster who found this site through a search. I have read this thread and am in the exact situation.

On Saturday night I was incredibly drunk. While at a bar, I ran into an acquaintance and she and I partied harder. By the end of the night I had ended up back at her place and we had sex. For the first time in 15 years of being together I cheated on my beautiful wife. Typing that puts tears in my eyes.

The past two days have been the hardest I have ever gone through. I know I am an (insert explicit word here) and have made the biggest mistake of my life. It is eating me alive but know if I say anything it will ruin my marriage and the lives of my children. Nothing will ever be the same if I keep this bottled up inside or if I break her heart by coming clean.

I never considered myself as having a problem with drinking, but now that I have read this thread I believe I have hit my "rock bottom". During college, drinking was a regular thing. Now that I have been married and with kids I rarely go out. However, when I do drink I definitely change and not in a good way. I have got to stop drinking. I only do every few months, but my binge drinking is clearly a problem.

The next day I contacted the woman and went to her place to discuss what had happened. She too feels the same regret and promises me that she will not say a word to anyone, but is that a gamble I can take. Do I confess? Will I ever get over this? I am so confused, saddened and utterly disgusted with myself.

I am such an idiot. God forgive me.

[Marcy]

I cheated while drunk

I am a wreck

I didnt have sex but we kissed. Im married for 2 years and i was out with my gfs and got wasted. I had like 7 shots of tequila and a lot of beers and whats sad is i am a recovering addict. And i should have known. I love my husband and i hate myself for this. A kiss is still bad and if i were sober it wouldnt have happend. But i too feel like i cant blame alcohol. But i know i wouldnt have done this sober. He says he is ok and he does love mee and we will get thru this. But i still feel like trash and like my heart is broken. Help

[FlyAway]

I cheated while drunk

Marcy;1369223 wrote: I didnt have sex but we kissed. Im married for 2 years and i was out with my gfs and got wasted. I had like 7 shots of tequila and a lot of beers and whats sad is i am a recovering addict. And i should have known. I love my husband and i hate myself for this. A kiss is still bad and if i were sober it wouldnt have happend. But i too feel like i cant blame alcohol. But i know i wouldnt have done this sober. He says he is ok and he does love mee and we will get thru this. But i still feel like trash and like my heart is broken. Help

Marcy you know that this wouldn't have happened if you weren't drinking, so in my opinion it's pretty obvious what needs to be done. You say you're a recovering addict. Why do you think alcohol is any different than crack or heroin? It's a drug. Sure it's legal, but to your body it is a drug; a poison.

I know you feel horrible about what happened, but you can't change it. The only thing you can do is to make sure you don't put yourself in that place again. If you choose to stop drinking you can have the peace of mind to know that you're doing all you can to protect your marriage.

[Marcy]

I cheated while drunk

slowly making things right

Yes I am going to stop drinking . I am also working on forgiving myself too. My husband understands and it never went as far as sex so i am thankful for that . But i still hate myself cause he is the most caring loving perso. And it sounds wierd but i wish he would just lash out at me cause i feel deserve it. But at the same time i keep thinking well he can forgive its me who is not forgiving myself. And so tonight we are doing a cleansing exercise. We are going to write down all the hurtful things we have done to eachother then burn the papers we write. If im going to do this im going to do this right. I just hope this feeling of depression and the way I feel ashamed will soon fade. I just want to be happy again.

[ATSO]

I cheated while drunk

I am in a very similar situation GW. Over the weekend I cheated with a stranger. I blacked out, and only have two flashes of memory of being with this guy. I wish I didn't remember, but I do.

I have decided to not tell him, as it really is the lesser of two evils. I am in such a bad place right now, and so is he (both due to factors outside of our relationship). Bringing this into the open will destroy both of us for sure, and in this case I know that the end (telling him for the integrity of our mutual honesty) does NOT justify the means (destroying the last bit of hope he has left in the world, and inevitably getting myself sectioned, or worse).

This guilt, shame and exacerbation of my already passionate self hatred could drive me to insanity if I let it. Instead I am going to use the experience as a catalyst for change. This is where I stop drinking for good, because if I don't then this will just happen again one day. Like yourself, I have never cheated whilst sober, and I am most certainly not inclined to do so unless im walking-into-walls-wasted. It is a relief to know that I don't have to go through this alone, I'm just so glad that MWO exists!!

[4mykids]

I cheated while drunk

Its so great we can all come to this wonderful place and confess the horrible things we have done while drinking...My list is a mile long...It's my first day here and I hope I can manage this day AF...thanks to everyone here..

[mama bear]

I cheated while drunk

you can do it 4...and if not, come back and start over tomorrow.
(I don't mean to trivialize)
just trying to be supportive

[Zenstyle]

I cheated while drunk

Mama... xxx

What she said 4... like I said earlier, you are not alone. We've all done shameful things. :l

[Disenchanted]

I cheated while drunk

I feel so much better after reading this. About three weeks ago, I drank to the point that I blacked out at my friends house ( was there with my fiancee) and woke up at my fiancees house. I had this feeling that something weird happened, but brushed it off. Last night he texted me saying we kissed that night and I honestly don't remember it at all, I thought he was joking!

I do believe it changes your personality because, I'm getting married and would NEVER do that with a clear head, ever! My friend and I talked and we both agreed to get our drinking under control and put the incident in the past where it belongs.

I only drink on weekends, but maybe twice a month, I black out and let me tell you, hearing what I did was a HUGE wake up call to get this under control before it controls me.

[rednose]

I cheated while drunk

God's Way,

Thank you for sharing what you shared here. I myself have cheated when I was drunk. I know all of you women are going to say all men cheat drunk or sober.
I never went out with the intention of cheating I can be honest about that.
But as we all know alcohol lowers your inhibitions and also fogs your judgment and the ability to make smart choices.
So can I relate? Absolutely 100%. Did I feel shame, regret, and remorse? Yes every one of them.
Do I think I did not love my partner because of my actions? That is a tough question.
With my drinking came a lot of problems in my relationships that never got dealt with because one or both of us were drunk. Problems not dealt with can cause huge resentments as we all know. So yes there were times I was not in love with the person because we did not deal with our issues. I do not think love can remain a constant when there are problems that are not dealt with.
I hope becoming AF and staying AF that in my next relationship if I ever have one I will be adult and sober and be able to deal with issues as they come up. Not just sweep them under the rug and pretend they don't exist.

So was I of any help to anyone on this??? It is a complex thing relationships while being a drunk. I can only speak for myself but when I got really drunk I was an as-hole.

And I live with that guilt and shame everyday. I am trying to forgive myself but it is hard.

rednose

[Mom21961]

I cheated while drunk

Maybe we should post the initial date of a thread rather than the most recent. This is almost a year old. Hope the original poster is doing well.

[Siren136]

I cheated while drunk

rednose;1455104 wrote:
With my drinking came a lot of problems in my relationships that never got dealt with because one or both of us were drunk. Problems not dealt with can cause huge resentments as we all know. So yes there were times I was not in love with the person because we did not deal with our issues. I do not think love can remain a constant when there are problems that are not dealt with.
rednose

Holy crap and amen to that. This is what I'm going through right now. No cheating (that I know of) but tons of unresolved problems and an absolute indifference to them on the part of my husband.:imlonely:

[kuya]

I cheated while drunk

Siren136;1456382 wrote: Holy crap and amen to that. This is what I'm going through right now. No cheating (that I know of) but tons of unresolved problems and an absolute indifference to them on the part of my husband.:imlonely:

Go for counselling Siren ...... You have invested a lot in the relationship

[Kradle123]

I cheated while drunk

Siren136;1456382 wrote: Holy crap and amen to that. This is what I'm going through right now. No cheating (that I know of) but tons of unresolved problems and an absolute indifference to them on the part of my husband.:imlonely:

Siren,

My husband can be sitting three feet from me and he might as well be sitting under three feet of ice.
You are NOT alone...:l

[whitemarshmom]

I cheated while drunk

I had sex with a stranger while in Florida for work. Met at the hotel Tikki bar, me drunk, barely remember anythiing . Im not sure why this has recently starting haunting me so powerfully as it happened this past summer, i think it may have even been April or May. I had to travel there fairly often until summer. Then I was able to work from my house until the weather turned cold again..so almost a year.. well sometime after during a summer camping trip with my family, my chest broke in a terrible itchy red raised bump rash...of course i googled it,, and what came up was HIV... Im in total panic! Im afraid to be tested and have already doomed myself, crying over it and drinking even more....My husband and I havent been intimate in years, and are as close to divorce as we could possibly be.. I would never tell him though about this, although i think i may have in a drunken stupor I the other night. I started going back to church a couple weeks ago, and I think the reason that i have become so worried about having contracted something as horrible and life threatening as disease.. Im so scared! but i think its the devils way of keeping me drinking after my anxiety was relieved by going to church! Please Help!