I cheated while drunk :(

[Doggygirl]

I cheated while drunk

Hi GW. I too was thinking of you and hoping you are doing OK today. I was also thinking about what ThreeDogNight said. I think there is a lot of wisdom in that. It is most important for us to work on getting well and healing our problems with AL. The drinking is the bottom line problem to focus on - at least for me that was the case. The other crazy behaviors were just going to continue from one to the next if I didn't work on the drinking and other underlying issues.

Good luck,
DG

[caper564]

I cheated while drunk

i would like to chime in on this. put it behind you, keep it there and never tell anyone. not even your BFF or mother sister aunt uncle noone, not even your dog. keep it in the past where it belongs, this is a mistake that can hurt many more people than just yourself. live with the guilt and move on. sorry to be so pointed but if you start crying to someone about it and talking about it, it will bring it to the present. leave it behind.... it gets easier everyday. and soon you will hardly think about it at all.

oh 1 more thing... the only person you will make feel better by telling your huisband is yourself. even though you were drunk you already did something selfish and stupid don't make another mistake.

Mistakes happen.. its how we deal with them that affects our lives...

[K9Lover]

I cheated while drunk

Hi GW,
I just wanted to see how you are doing also. I agree with others, I would not mention this mistake to anyone. I've done things in the past that make me cringe just thinking about them, and I would never tell anyone. It will fade as time passes. I hope you are well!
K9

[Gods way]

I cheated while drunk

Thank you everyone so much for the advice and support !

When I was originally writing this post I was so riddled with shame and guilt , I was sure everyone would judge and hate me.
Thanks for not doing that, and being kind!
I am home now from my trip and I will see my husband tomorrow as he returns from his work trip. So I think it was good that he was not here when I came home , so I could find my bearings and have a minute to clear my head. I am going to live with the guilt and shame of this myself , as I know he does not deserve the pain it would cause him.

I am not going to drink again, this incident was my worst! I asked God for forgiveness and I will do my best to be the person my husband deserves. Starting with being AL free.

Thank you again to everyone. I was in such a panic and anxiety mode that I almost told my husband . And if not for all the support I got here the guilt may have made me crazy!

Thanks again .

[Miklo]

I cheated while drunk

No, no judgement we are supposed to be here to support eachother. I must ask though how did the AL make you do it. You were out drinking with another man who was obviously very interested in you hence the flirting. You should not have continued drinking with them and while in your full senses left. Being an alcoholic and not being able to stop drinking doesnt really work because you could have picked up your own bottle on the way back to your hotel.

[Tipplerette]

I cheated while drunk

Coulda Woulda Shoulda ... we all know what we should have done. It's too late now. God's Way is on the other side now and really can't look back now. Maybe all this amazing advice will come in handy for GW and the rest of us should the situation arise again...

[FlyAway]

I cheated while drunk

caper564;1266973 wrote: i would like to chime in on this. put it behind you, keep it there and never tell anyone. not even your BFF or mother sister aunt uncle noone, not even your dog. keep it in the past where it belongs, this is a mistake that can hurt many more people than just yourself. live with the guilt and move on. sorry to be so pointed but if you start crying to someone about it and talking about it, it will bring it to the present. leave it behind.... it gets easier everyday. and soon you will hardly think about it at all.

oh 1 more thing... the only person you will make feel better by telling your huisband is yourself. even though you were drunk you already did something selfish and stupid don't make another mistake.

Mistakes happen.. its how we deal with them that affects our lives...

I think this is the best advice.

GW, thanks for coming back and updating us. This is your "rock bottom." It's obvious that you see how dangerous alcohol can be. :l

[cpn1004]

I cheated while drunk

I agree. I would not share this information with your husband. Lots of us have been where you are. DoggyGirl is correct, alcohol will f#%^ your brain up. I cannot believe some of the things I did back in the day.
However, there is a way out.

[Saoirse & the wild horse]

I cheated while drunk

Miklo;1267846 wrote: No, no judgement we are supposed to be here to support eachother. I must ask though how did the AL make you do it. You were out drinking with another man who was obviously very interested in you hence the flirting. You should not have continued drinking with them and while in your full senses left. Being an alcoholic and not being able to stop drinking doesnt really work because you could have picked up your own bottle on the way back to your hotel.

Miklo ! No judegment ' we are all here to support each other.'
But I think this is quite judgmental .

GW : in my opinion it was the alcohol that caused you to do this. Wrong as it was , it is your rock bottom. And I imagine you feel rotten as it is. However you did say that you told the guy that you were married, so when you had your senses you didn't want anything. But it's easy to say now that you should have gone back to your hotel.
Tell that to an alcoholic when he is drinking HA!

Forgive yourself! We have ALL done things we regret , that is why we are here!

This is your lesson learned! You cant drink!

[nancy]

I cheated while drunk

a reason to change

Sometimes things like this can be the impetus for a change. The reality is that it could have been a lot worse. You could have been with a stranger or raped. Your feelings and personality as a sober person might have no bearing at all, in my opinion, on what might happen in a drunken episode. But this kind of thing even could have implications, like if you got an STD. Count your blessings if you are ok and move on, and have compassion for yourself above all.

I disagree with Milko pretty strongly and wonder why anyone would want to judge you when you are clearly feeling so badly about what happened. This happens sometimes when people talk about drunk driving and I can understand that a little better than judging someone who's cheated while drunk.

The sad thing is that alcohol does sometimes rob you of your moral caliber. I suggest if you are not going to be abstinent to read Ken Anderson's How to change your drinking. Because there are things you can do to prevent the worst, like not drinking shots or other drinks you have fast. And only drinking with a lot of food in your stomach.

Take care of yourself!

[Nursie]

I cheated while drunk

Gods Way, thank you for updating us. I've been thinkin of you.

Mikio, really? Gee, you are the first drunk in history that never did something stupid? Bravo to you for making yourself look ridiculous. Check yourself... Just sayin... If we knew how to regulate or drinking and the consequences thereof; we would not be here.

[Sammi33]

I cheated while drunk

Lots of love to you xxx

Your post was a couple of weeks ago, i hope you are doing a little bit better.

Years ago when i was drunk i woke up in a strangers house. I was fully clothed and the guy told me nothing happened, but even so i was devastated. I decided not to tell my partner after a lot of soul searching. For someone who does not drink to blackout i think it impossible to understand how something like that could happen.

Some time later when i was drunk I told him. I actually though in my drunken state that he would understand!!! We got through it...just. It was 5 years ago now but it still comes up in arguments and it kills me to see how hurt he is.

So anyway, the point of my story is just a word of caution. I agree that you were driven by alcohol not intention to betray but i doubt your husband would see it that way. We all have loose lips when we are drinking and i dont want you to go through what i did.

Hope things are looking up for you xx

[brittzak]

I cheated while drunk

I definitely think that is possible, having just been cheated on and being devastated by it, I would say never tell him. I'd rather not have known myself. You wont feel any better and he will feel like crap. It was one time and never to be done again. Hope things are going better for you.

[LillyE]

I cheated while drunk

Been there

Hi GW,

I hope you're doing ok. Look, one of the things that made me realise I really had a problem was some inappropriate behaviour with men while drunk. The worst was one night, when tanked, I ended up making out with a friend's husband who, I swear to god, I am not AT ALL attracted to. Not at all. I still feel sick thinking about it as she is the loveliest woman ever and I was really shocked at myself.

Especially as I had a marriage end due to my ex's cheating and I know just how devastating it would be, which is why I would say to you: Do not tell your husband. And I, of all people, am usually totally for complete honesty re cheating. But in this case I honestly think the hurt and harm outweigh the intent.

The one way you can turn this into a positive is if you use it as a wake up call that you REALLY need to quit.

Hugs and strength.

L

[GreenKoala]

I cheated while drunk

Something similar just happened to me this past weekend. I went out with a group of friends and I got really drunk. I slept with one of the guys. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for five years now. I love him and I could never imagine my life without him. When I was drunk, I was still conscious. I knew I was having sex but I didn't know why I didn't stop it. I should have stopped it. I didn't know why it happened. I regretted so much. Right now I felt exactly the same way as GW you felt. I felt like I am a terrible person and I hate myself. How could I hurt my love one like that. I regretted so much and I have been crying for three days. I went to counseling but the counselor didn't really help. I am really glad that I found this thread. I don't think I am going to tell my boyfriend about what happened because I don't think he will understand and forgive me. I know I was VERY VERY wrong and I wish I could reverse time. I would never do this again. I tried to tell myself that nothing happened and it was just a really bad dream, but in my mind I knew it wasn't true. And I still have to see this friend that I slept with everyday because we work together. How can I forget and forgive myself?:'(