Oh Lord I am a hot mess, I want to stop SO bad I could SCREAM off of a mountain top. I want it want it want it but cant get it get it get it! Guilt is 24/7, I feel like crap, and hate myself - yes I hate myself. Counseling got me nowhere, I but a fifth each day and I HATE IT!!!! I don't know where to scream, maybe tomorrow in my truck. I go through hell everyday and have for years now. In September I went 72 hous, only to arrive in the same shitstorm I have created for myself. I don't even have hangovers per say, just horrible anxiety and fear, until I get that next drink. I don't blame anyone for what they or I do, I just blame myself for not having ANY f*cking control over this. I can't go on much longer, this is killing me...........I can feel it
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I'm dying for a drink.
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I'm dying for a drink.
Oh Lord I am a hot mess, I want to stop SO bad I could SCREAM off of a mountain top. I want it want it want it but cant get it get it get it! Guilt is 24/7, I feel like crap, and hate myself - yes I hate myself. Counseling got me nowhere, I but a fifth each day and I HATE IT!!!! I don't know where to scream, maybe tomorrow in my truck. I go through hell everyday and have for years now. In September I went 72 hous, only to arrive in the same shitstorm I have created for myself. I don't even have hangovers per say, just horrible anxiety and fear, until I get that next drink. I don't blame anyone for what they or I do, I just blame myself for not having ANY f*cking control over this. I can't go on much longer, this is killing me...........I can feel it
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I'm dying for a drink.
Hi Girl1973, keep fighting. Don't give up trying to quit. I struggled for a long time and slipped many times, but over the past months I had far more AF days than drinking days. Maybe we are just slow learners, but the learning will come if you keep trying.make the least of the worst, and the most of the best - everyday.
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I'm dying for a drink.
Well done Nursie.
I'm sure you won't forget this episode in a hurry, and have learnt from it. You're a star!
Hi Girl 73,
C'mon now, get yourself a simple plan and go for it. We have to have faith and take the leap, even if we can't see the other side. Check out the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html
G-bloke.
'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'
Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-
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I'm dying for a drink.
I'm coming into this thread a day late and a dollar short, as usual. LOL
Nursie, you are an awesome person. I know you are strong, and I know how bad you want sobriety. You kicked the Beast's ass this time...which means next time it will be even easier. Just remember, the Beast does not pack up and go away nicely. The Beast is determined to break you. But eff that! You are the boss, you are in charge, so the Beast can kiss your (and my) ass! Right? Right!! :bum:
Way to stay strong! Each experience helps others, some we may never even meet. You, my girl, showed us it can be done. You rock!!
:h:h:h
K9:heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:
Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.
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I'm dying for a drink.
I feel the same way
To answer what you said--you feel deprived. We have to find a way to replace that lost. I am lost also. Where is there comfort?
know how you feel. I have gotten a slightly better on handling it. My way is to go for a strenous walk, even just for 4 blocks. That seems to change my mind at least for a while.
But I am a shit case.
I am having dinner with some of my work friends. We are all retired. I miss them very much. I went to the store and bought a half pint. I am not drunk but certainly have alcohol in my system. I'll walk it off between now and then.
I'll be okay at dinner, but I know I will have to be extra careful about what the wine I have with dinner.
I have been slowing down a little bit at a time. I don't drink as much as I did a month ago, but I am not where I want to be, which is one drink a day and wine when out to dinner with friends.
I promised myself a week ago that I would not bring any booze into the house, but I did.
Some one told me not to take the first drink. I know that. Should I hit myself on the head with a baseball bat? I know all the wrong things I am doing and thinking. I still do them. Alcohol is some kind of comfort, but so superficial
To answer what you said--you feel deprived. We have to find a way to replace. I am lost also. There is something to help us. Each other is all we have.
Write back. We are all we have.
Nursie;1273688 wrote: I hate this. I can't stop thinking about it.
I am almost openly weeping I want to drink so bad. Today I feel deprived.
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