trying for one day of soberness

[Girl1973]

trying for one day of soberness

Still drinking, still sad. I got the L glut powder - which at least makes me awake and do housework! But I need to stop this, I can't go 1 night without!

[Wagoneer]

trying for one day of soberness

Welcome Blackhorseman. This is a wonderful place for support.

Girl - it is freakin hard to stop drinking. It just is. I went 11 months without a drink then I started up again. Nothing terrible, just a drink here and there. Habit! And stupid. I am trying to get back on track and and finding it more difficult this time. I LOVED how I felt sober all the time. I looked better, felt better....so why the hell did I start up? Who knows. It's my wiring. WHen you get a few days/nights not drinking under your belt something will just click. Not saying it will be easy, it won't be. No amount of supps, powders or miracle drugs are going to help if you don't want, in your heart, to stop. Do it for a few days. Keep a journal of your feelings. Just try it. Get the alcohol out of your house and keep yourself busy with anything that takes you away from the AL. I really wish you strength. Keep posting. There are many much more knowledgeable people on this site who have done a much better job than I! You can do this.

[ExpatJock]

trying for one day of soberness

I (think) I know where you're at......

spacebebe01;1286512 wrote: Hi blackhorsemand and everyone else, I am around 5 months or so AF and most of that time I have found pretty easy because i take meds but over the past few days I too have been struggling. I have major depression and when that hits this time I have wanted to drink to escape from it, the only thing I can say really is that as long as we keep on trying, thats those of us with a bit of AF time and those who have a day or hours, or even drinking now while reading this we are in with a chance. For years I have kept on coming back and fighting the drink no matter what and thats what has kept me alive.

14 months ago I went into detox, followed by a CBT programme. I don't suffer cravings nor require medication after detoxing (but do whilst detoxing) so it seemed like a pretty easy ride going forward. Then, in August of last year, I went on a holiday (OK, 'vacation' for those in North America) to sunny, tropical Queensland. I recall going out for dinner and thinking, "a nice glass of red would accompany this steak beautifully". So I had one. The next evening that 'one' became two. That was me off the wagon again. Since then it's been the usual slide, though until recently sheer willpower has capped my drinking to no more than four standard drinks per day (not brilliant, but not disastrous).

Then about four weeks ago the Black Dog visited me (and not for the first time). It bit me hard - and I started drinking hard. To my (tiny) amount of credit I could see the runaway freight train heading my way and managed to schedule a hospitalised detox for the 23rd of April. It took one hell of a fight to get in, but I managed it in the end. My major disappointment is the time it has taken, from realisation/crisis point, to an admission date.

Where do I sit now? It's Easter Sunday at 6.00pm. I'm 58, live alone and my son and daughter live interstate. My appetite for drink has not diminished. Just counted the empty bottles on my kitchen benchtop - 11x330ml bottles (European Lager) consumed since 7.00am - and I don't even feel halfway intoxicated! I suppose looking on the bright side it's only a fortnight to go before I receive proper medical intervention.

Sorry for the ramble, but I guess I'm just re-affirming spacebebe01's comments; our war on alcohol dependency is never won - it's winning the battles which are important.

[willowfrond]

trying for one day of soberness

Ahhh me too

jessie;1282266 wrote: Hi Girl,
All I can share is my own story. I'd like to say that I'm happily AF forever but I still have drinking episodes.The great news is: they are far fewer and the periods between much longer. I will never quit trying and maybe that AF forever will happen when I'm totally ready.
Just don't quit trying.

Jessie, this is almost exactly what the head of the alcohol and drugs unit said to me recently.

And Expat so glad you have a date, I'm in Sydney and even though I am now officially a patient of that head of department, I am on a vague "waiting list" for detox in a unit that somehow is "attached to the hospital but not part of it". I guess that means it is administered independently and therefore if they choose to ignore my specialist doc and his request to put me on high priority for admission, they can.
Going to see my GP this week, formality even though I have seen the specialist it was via a convoluted situation and I had no referral, so my GP has to write one retrospectively. She will also have the results of the bloods the specialist ordered as he requested results to himself and also her. I will ask her to ph detox and if I don't get a date, I will drink heavily enough to bring on a really sick hangover and go to ER - that gets me in when all else fails.
I'm very glad I met this specialist as he wants to help me plan and was so thorough in his evaluation. He is very conservative and just smiles about things like L glut and me wanting to get my amalgams removed as soon as I have detoxed - which I can have done via our chronic health care plan. He does say though, "it can't do any harm".
It took ages to find a holistic dentist willing to do the procedure under the plan.
Bit of a ramble hope I don't derail the thread.

[willowfrond]

trying for one day of soberness

I always forget something

Depression is always my undoing too, that is why I want the amalgams removed I am researching everything that appears anywhere connected to depression.
I'm going over to the holistic healing section now to see if anyone there has tried electomagnetic therapy which has come up on my radar recently.

[ExpatJock]

trying for one day of soberness

willowfrond;1293881 wrote: Depression is always my undoing too, that is why I want the amalgams removed I am researching everything that appears anywhere connected to depression.
I'm going over to the holistic healing section now to see if anyone there has tried electomagnetic therapy which has come up on my radar recently.

Fortunately, I'm privately insured and the clinic which I'm going to is private. If I had to rely on the SA public system......crikey, I think I'd be dead by the time I reached the front of the queue! From what I've heard, it's appalling anyway.
Re. depression; it's a 'chicken and egg' debate, isn't it? Does the depression lead to the drinking or does the drinking lead to the depression?

You've probably visited here, but on the off-chance you haven't, here's the link:
beyondblue: the national depression initiative

All the best.
John

[willowfrond]

trying for one day of soberness

Yep I know Beyond blue

ExpatJock;1293896 wrote: Fortunately, I'm privately insured and the clinic which I'm going to is private. If I had to rely on the SA public system......crikey, I think I'd be dead by the time I reached the front of the queue! From what I've heard, it's appalling anyway.
Re. depression; it's a 'chicken and egg' debate, isn't it? Does the depression lead to the drinking or does the drinking lead to the depression?

You've probably visited here, but on the off-chance you haven't, here's the link:
beyondblue: the national depression initiative

All the best.
John

No chicken and egg for me the first time I heard the words "it's psychosomatic" I was 13 and before that I can remember a doctor saying to my mother when I was about 9 or ten, "Well you have said she has a good appetite, eats her vegetables and you have her on a tonic. I think she just wants attention."
I think I learned depression from my mother who was the world's best enabler for dear old alcoholic dad. He gave me a few good years (12-15yo) of emotional abuse trying to cure my "personality problems" with nightly drunken question and answer sessions and lectures, which often ended with me hysterical - my mother was powerless to intervene but if it was my child I would have left him or kicked him out. That's easy to say but not so easy for her in those times, she would have had no financial support.
I stopped him by jumping up one night and kicking him hard in both shins and yelling "stop it, leave me alone" - hysterical people are really strong and I think the pain penetrated, he never did it again.
It took until my thirties to sort out that relationship and to forgive him, I am so glad I had the chance. It was confusing in the intervening years to both love and hate someone at the same time. Sadly he died about two years after.

[Girl1973]

trying for one day of soberness

guilt guilt guilt

So I mentioned last week that my dear BF went to my parents as he was very upset and at the end of his rope with my drinking...My poor parents were devastated and my father offered to pay any amount of money to get me sober. I refuse to leave my home for a month, I can't do it. I was AF last Friday because I felt so bad hearing my parents plead with me to stop I thought that I could do it for them. But I of course am failing miserably, telling my mother that I am doing great and she tells me how proud she is, my BF telling my I am doing so well etc etc, but I'm NOT DOING GREAT! It's all LIES and I feel like crap about it...dunno wtf to do. What is it going to take? I am at my wits end here guys! Currently typing through tears......:upset:

[K9Lover]

trying for one day of soberness

Girl :l
I'm so sad for you. I know how hard this struggle is. What does drinking do for you? Is it providing an escape...from what? Maybe you could write down the pros and cons of drinking and take a long hard look at it. I know that we aren't encouraged to get sober for other people because that rarely lasts, but for me, I GOT sober for my daughter, but I STAY sober for me (which benefits her too obviously). You have a great BF and parents, they seem super supportive, be honest with them. Maybe you could try some counseling to try to figure out some stuff? I don't know, I'm just throwing things out there, I wish I could take away your pain :h Please keep us posted and IM me anytime!!!
K9

[Byrdlady]

trying for one day of soberness

One drink only leads to another. This is such a trite saying, but I must admit after exactly one year of trying hard to quit, it is the gospel if there ever was one. You must cut the beast off at the head. The only way to not drink is to not drink. Period. Get all the alcohol out of your house, and set yourself up to succeed. HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY! If you got thru the last 15 minutes sober, you can get thru the next 15...and so it goes. The first 3 days are the hardest, but you can do it. Come over to the Newbie's Nest, there's lots of support for the early days...and the not to early days... You Can Do This!! Today is a great day to start!! Byrdie

[kdog]

trying for one day of soberness

To all of you best of luck, my thoughts are with you all, I am in the same boat so to speak, I am new here and need the support too...Girl, I went to my doctor, told him the truth, he gave me librium to taper off with, haven't started yet, so I will let you know, its tough, I know, hate it, hate it, hate it....but we can all do this!

[Arial]

trying for one day of soberness

Welcome

Welcome Blackhorseman, and congratulations for looking it straight in the face and taking this first move - you're amongst friends, and people who have been there, done that - and continue to do so.

Girl 1973 my heart goes out to you as you try and work through what currently seems to be an insurmountable obstacle to becoming sober. Hopefully you will be able to look back at this time as a turning point, but you need to get through it first. Can you check in to hospital or rehab clinic just to give yourself some time and some care and attention? It sounds like your parents and BF are obviously worried and supportive, but don't let this add to your pressure - it's hard enough when we feel we're letting ourselves down, let alone people we love and care about as well. Sometimes getting sober for someone else can be the motivation you need, but sometimes that's the support you need later on in the process, once you have found the way to take the first steps out of the quagmire yourself. Is there anyone who can physically be there to help you at this time?

We're obviously here so hang around and talk to us when it's really tough. You CAN do this, you WILL do this if you're desperate enough and can find the right mind-set to make the first step - steps 2 and 3 will follow and gradually you will be able to piece your life back together and regain control.

To everyone taking these first struggling steps. keep posting, keep sharing, reading, asking, - I'm glad you're here and look forward to sharing some of your journey.

Good luck and keep strong!

[bestlifeldms]

trying for one day of soberness

Girl1973,

I visited Energy Healer Rhonda Lenair and am 4 yrs. + alcohol free. I heard about her here on MWO and I am grateful everyday for my sobriety.

Hugs, Best

[Nelz]

trying for one day of soberness

ExpatJock;1293522 wrote: 14 months ago I went into detox, followed by a CBT programme. I don't suffer cravings nor require medication after detoxing (but do whilst detoxing) so it seemed like a pretty easy ride going forward. Then, in August of last year, I went on a holiday (OK, 'vacation' for those in North America) to sunny, tropical Queensland. I recall going out for dinner and thinking, "a nice glass of red would accompany this steak beautifully". So I had one. The next evening that 'one' became two. That was me off the wagon again. Since then it's been the usual slide, though until recently sheer willpower has capped my drinking to no more than four standard drinks per day (not brilliant, but not disastrous).

Then about four weeks ago the Black Dog visited me (and not for the first time). It bit me hard - and I started drinking hard. To my (tiny) amount of credit I could see the runaway freight train heading my way and managed to schedule a hospitalised detox for the 23rd of April. It took one hell of a fight to get in, but I managed it in the end. My major disappointment is the time it has taken, from realisation/crisis point, to an admission date.

Where do I sit now? It's Easter Sunday at 6.00pm. I'm 58, live alone and my son and daughter live interstate. My appetite for drink has not diminished. Just counted the empty bottles on my kitchen benchtop - 11x330ml bottles (European Lager) consumed since 7.00am - and I don't even feel halfway intoxicated! I suppose looking on the bright side it's only a fortnight to go before I receive proper medical intervention.

Sorry for the ramble, but I guess I'm just re-affirming spacebebe01's comments; our war on alcohol dependency is never won - it's winning the battles which are important.

That is one of my favorite lines Ive ever read on here