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    #16
    On the verge

    Nursie - so sorry, so very sorry.
    I feel for you and understand.
    You have been there for me, and supported me as I struggle with everything that is influencing me.
    I drank after 66 days and have struggled very hard to get back on track. I had chosen not to post again until I got some time under my belt as I couldn't keep saying day 1 again, but I have been reading daily. I saw this and had to respond to you.
    I admire you and have really appreciated your support on other posts.
    Please stay and don't give up - as so many have told me, no matter how horrendous the problems are, AL does not make them one iota better.
    You are right, you are better than the beast - and you can and will beat it.
    Take care of you....thoughts, hugs and good wishes your way...
    “The only courage you will ever need is the courage to live the life you want"

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      #17
      On the verge

      Nursie:l girlfriend. Addictions can't define us. We are weak human beings and will never be perfect, but what's in our hearts is what counts. We all falter, whether it be me, who blew up tonight for no reason whatsoever and made a speaker fall on her arm for fuck's sake, or it be you who could not resist the temptation of solace through AL.

      I will pick myself up and try and figure out where these demons in my head are coming from, and I know you will put down the AL and continue your strong fight too. You're a hero to many, and that's not changed one bit.

      Keep your head up and come back soon!:h


      "I like people too much or not at all."       Sylvia Plath

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        #18
        On the verge

        Back on the horse Nursie. The next few days/week will likely be hard now AL is in your system, so how you approach this time will be crucial. It'll probably seem easier/tempting to just keep drinking now, but this is harder in the end, and crap. We can handle anything sober. 75 days of sobriety cannot be taken away from you. That is an absolutely awesome achievement.

        'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

        Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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          #19
          On the verge

          Nursie,

          So glad you checked back in and I applaud you for being so honest. It's not an easy thing to admit when we've slipped. 75 days is a really long time when you think about it. I'm guessing (please confirm) that maybe it wasn't as good as you remembered? If you went 75 days without it, I have to believe you were noticing some very positive changes without alcohol in your system.

          So sorry that you are having some bad times - hope Mr. Nursie is doing okay too - losing a job is very tough. Sounds like the book maybe triggered things in your past that you are having a hard time handling - please try to get any help you think you may need. May not be easy to find but there are resources out there for people with limited income. Do whatever you think you need to do (antabuse) to help you pick yourself back up. Alcohol is a depressant so obviously won't do you much good when trying to deal with all of this.

          We love you Nursie and we are all thinking about you and sending you huge cyber hugs.

          Hang in there!

          :l
          Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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            #20
            On the verge

            That is an amazing amount of time to be AF, very well done. All I can hope is that you reach down for those boot straps, and continue on in your journey. I know all seems very dark right now, so you have to just keep going.

            The sooner you start, the sooner you will be right back where you were!
            Living on Planet Sober since 05/02/11




            DAREDEVIL COOKIE MONSTER

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              #21
              On the verge

              K9Lover;1285109 wrote: , and nobody ever woke up in the morning wishing they'd drank the night before.[/url]
              hahaha LMAO thats funny and soo true K9...

              In my case i jsut needed a few minutes to check myself.. with keys in hand and ready to go and buy wine i stop for a few minutes and think about it just long enough for me to think "WTF are you doing... go back in the house you idiot.." and i do..

              Caper
              caper
              AF since Sept 2013...
              :alf:

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                #22
                On the verge

                75 days is a great stretch. Dig those heels in and jump back in with both feet. You can do this! I'm so sorry to read about all the crud happening.
                AF since 2/22/2012

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                  #23
                  On the verge

                  Keep going, it is only one day,It is at a time like this that counting days can actually be a hindrance. I am sorry about all the difficulties life is throwing a t you at the moment but look at it this way, you have a huge AF stretch behind you, think what % of this year has already been AF for you. It took me 3 years to come back, you are made of stronger stuff. Keep going, read and post on here as much as you can, someone will always be here for you.

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                    #24
                    On the verge

                    Thank you all for your heartfelt replies.
                    Don't worry, I didn't enjoy myself, I didn't get drunk, I felt...like a fish out of water essentially. I did not buy wine, I bought wine coolers (rolls eyes). I read the newspaper and talked to my friend and confirmed that I don't want to go where alcohol wants to take me.

                    I knew that I wanted to get drunk. I knew that 2 winecoolers would not ever be enough. Not that I had any illusions of moderating, but it hit me like a baseball bat to the teeth that I wanted not to have a drink, but to get DRUNK. And as I went through the motions I felt alcohol pull me in a direction that is no longer normal to me. Like going back to an old lover, and realizing they have not changed; I don't need to take this any further.

                    Yes, the healing from abuse book is kicking up stuff I have never dealt with (except with a bottle). I don't think I can do the assignments in that book without a therapist.

                    I don't actually feel guilty as much as I feel relieved. Relieved that I don't ever want to go down that road again. I'm not falling or backsliding. I am solid. And I'm not letting this slow my roll.
                    Day 1 again 11/5/19
                    Goal 1: 7 days :heartbeat:
                    Goal 2: 14 days :happy2:
                    Goal 3: 21 days :happy2:
                    11/27/19: messed up but back on track
                    12/14/19: bad doozy but back on track

                    One day at a time.

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                      #25
                      On the verge

                      Good for you, Nursie! Not easy to learn lessons, sometimes, but you did, and you are back!!
                      "One day at a time."

                      Comment

                        #26
                        On the verge

                        you are doing really well Nursie.. nipping it in the bud!!
                        So glad you see that you don't want AL in your life, I think thats a pivotal point

                        Keep it up

                        Patrice

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                          #27
                          On the verge

                          Sounds like you're doing everything right Nursie, don't let all that unsavory shit life throws out at times take you out of your element! Peace
                          2023 - focus, getting it done, and living the way it should be and being the person I need to be.

                          Comment

                            #28
                            On the verge

                            I'm with you!

                            Glad you are here and not buying that bottle of wine or worse, sipping on wine! Watch a funny movie or read a book. Maybe call a friend or go for a walk. That one drink is a slippery slope and you don't want to go there. Think about the reasons you have stopped and keep telling yourself you simply don't drink anymore. Also, might be time to pull out those hypno-tapes! Sending you strength. I hope I don't sound smug. I know I will need to lean on you in the days ahead as well. This can be tough but I think we can do it. :l

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                              #29
                              On the verge

                              "Tiny, dark life." I think I need to hear more about this.

                              Comment

                                #30
                                On the verge

                                Love you Nursie....glad you're back :h
                                :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                                Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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