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    #1

    Need advice regarding husband

    Hello friends,

    I have been on this board several times in the last 5 years. Some problems keep rearing their ugly heads.. In a nutshell.. DH - age 64 - is an alcoholic and has been for many years. Until he developed a severe case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome 5-ish years ago he was totally functional. Then the pain from the IBS caused him to drink even more. 3 years ago, anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds were prescribed for the first time in his life since the IBS was both food/drink intake related plus anxiety. 3 yrs ago lexapro gave him such severe pain and nausea, which he medicated with more alcohol, which landed him in a 5 day detox in the hospital. The good news is he was given some new anti-depressant meds that helped the IBS greatly.. but not so much the depression.

    A couple of weeks ago the psychiatrist prescribed a new anti-depressant which is once again giving him severe nausea and pain. More alcohol.. no food in 4 days.. Hasn't left the house in 2 weeks... etc. He is stopping the new med and hopefully will return to his prior depressed life but with less pain. No life, but it's better than being in pain.

    He is refusing counseling, AA or inpatient detox for any time period. He won't even read a book or get online for support. Denial anyone??

    So, here's where the advice is needed. Of course I know I shouldn't buy him another bottle for him to wean off the excessive drinking while he's been in so much pain. Hopefully the nausea will subside in a few days. But I am afraid with the quantity that he has been drinking he will have convulsions. I know it's not safe to quit cold turkey.

    I am much calmer about the situation this time around.. I have already made a decision not to leave him so I will stick it through. He is slowly killing himself, and although he knows this and knows if he doesn't straighten out he'll always be in pain and hate the person he's become, it's not enough for him to change. I don't know how to stand by and watch.

    Thanks in advance for any advice you may have!
    "We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections."
    ~John Lennon

    Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.
    ~Author Unknown
    Tags: None
    #2
    Need advice regarding husband

    Husband came to me after I wrote this and said that he is "sick and tired" of living this way and he wants to quit. We are making a plan for tapering and his psychiatrist prescribed xanax to help with the withdrawal. Wish us luck!
    "We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections."
    ~John Lennon

    Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.
    ~Author Unknown

    Comment

      #3
      Need advice regarding husband

      Hi DipGal
      Sorry to see you hadn't had any responses to your first post. I was very tempted to reply and suggest trying to taper ( felt quitting cold turkey could be very dangerous in his situation) but I don't know a lot about how to do this and I was hoping someone else would come along and post who knew more about this sort of thing.

      It is great that he now wants to quit - that is the key to the whole thing. Good that you have the support of his psychiatrist too. Wishing you both luck. - do keep posting and let us know how he is doing. Maybe now he is more motivated your husband would be prepared to look at an on line support site like this? I'm sure if you could get him to do this it would motivate him further.

      Wishing you both all the best.

      Comment

        #4
        Need advice regarding husband

        Hi Dipgal, you are such a strong person to stick this out with him and I know it can't be easy.Could you get your husband to just have a read of this site? He doesn't have to post but just knowing there are others struggling too and how they are dealing with it might help him to not feel so alone.

        drinking heavily is really bad for the stomach because alcohol is an irritant and especially without food it is much harder on the stomach so in the short term it might numb the pain but it would be making his stomach issues much much worse.

        let us know how you go, It's great to hear he is finally realising what his drinking is doing to him and wants help, good luck with it and keep us updated.

        Comment

          #5
          Need advice regarding husband

          never ending cycle

          DipGal;1310516 wrote: Hello friends,

          I have been on this board several times in the last 5 years. Some problems keep rearing their ugly heads.. In a nutshell.. DH - age 64 - is an alcoholic and has been for many years. Until he developed a severe case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome 5-ish years ago he was totally functional. Then the pain from the IBS caused him to drink even more. 3 years ago, anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds were prescribed for the first time in his life since the IBS was both food/drink intake related plus anxiety. 3 yrs ago lexapro gave him such severe pain and nausea, which he medicated with more alcohol, which landed him in a 5 day detox in the hospital. The good news is he was given some new anti-depressant meds that helped the IBS greatly.. but not so much the depression.

          A couple of weeks ago the psychiatrist prescribed a new anti-depressant which is once again giving him severe nausea and pain. More alcohol.. no food in 4 days.. Hasn't left the house in 2 weeks... etc. He is stopping the new med and hopefully will return to his prior depressed life but with less pain. No life, but it's better than being in pain.

          He is refusing counseling, AA or inpatient detox for any time period. He won't even read a book or get online for support. Denial anyone??

          So, here's where the advice is needed. Of course I know I shouldn't buy him another bottle for him to wean off the excessive drinking while he's been in so much pain. Hopefully the nausea will subside in a few days. But I am afraid with the quantity that he has been drinking he will have convulsions. I know it's not safe to quit cold turkey.

          I am much calmer about the situation this time around.. I have already made a decision not to leave him so I will stick it through. He is slowly killing himself, and although he knows this and knows if he doesn't straighten out he'll always be in pain and hate the person he's become, it's not enough for him to change. I don't know how to stand by and watch.

          Thanks in advance for any advice you may have!
          hi Dip i read your story and it sounded like me,years ago,i dont get on here much anymore but this story really hit home,how do you help someone that doesnt want to help themselves,you cant,i think thats what my wife would say,i found 31 days in a treatment facility changed my life forever good and bad,what we were tot or seen as youngsters doesnt make it rite,children do what there tot of most,we drank,and some of us got caught up in the ah of the experience and get off the ride,and some of us never get over it,its what you call an addiction,that is what he has and until he is ready to change he will reek havic on your lifes,i do so hope he seeks some help in a good facility away from everything including you so you can have a rest,it is not easy living with someone with an addiction i wish you both well Me:thanks:

          Comment

            #6
            Need advice regarding husband

            Hi DG, Its great for your husband that he wants to do something and has the help of his psychiatrist and your support, both will help him greatly. Because he doesnt want those types of services doesnt mean he is in denial (god I hate that word), I found that when they were forced on me by family it sometimes did more harm that good. This has to come from him and his saying hes had enough is a great start.

            Good luck to you both

            Comment

              #7
              Need advice regarding husband

              Thanks for advice regarding DH

              Thank you for your advice and support everyone! What's difficult is our lives together have always been based around food and AL. The only motivation he has for quitting is his health and how he enjoys his life. He doesn't have anything else to lose - he doesn't work, I won't leave him, we have no kids. His siblings and 97 yr. old father live in other states and have no idea that he has problems other than depression.

              I have a tendency to overdo it as well and want to reduce to just having wine when I am out socializing. I am trying to regain health (obesity, arthritis, etc.).

              I have rationed out the day's AL for him.. we'll see how it goes.

              Thanks again!
              "We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections."
              ~John Lennon

              Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.
              ~Author Unknown

              Comment

                #8
                Need advice regarding husband

                Hi Dipgal,

                Sorry you are going through this with your A. When I was in a similar situation with my A it helped me when I came to fully understand that I didn't cause it, could not control it nor cure it. Only the A can choose how they will deal with their alcoholism and consequences including their health.

                It is a shame that your husband is unwilling to consider exploring any recovery support options such as AA (there are others as well) but I would suggest that you try Alanon and read all you can about alcoholism and codependency.

                I ran around for years with a box of huggies, a broom and dustpand and fire extinquisher cleaning up the messes and bad decisions made by my XAH. Once I learned more about his disease it became apparent that I was shielding him from the consequences of his choices. Once I stopped being his mommie figure he actually started to get better and had over a year of sobriety before relapsing again. By then I had established an alcohol free boundary for myself by that time and I left when he chose to return to his alcoholic lifestyle.

                Every situation is different and my ESH may not have any meaning in your own experience and the only thing I know that I know that I know...is please take care of you! Loving an A is complicated and draining... find support for yourself whether you choose to go or stay.

                Comment

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