Remember me? I went on the program last August when my drinking was up to a liter of vodka a day: Topamax, several supplements, and lots of B-12, and in a month I was leaving my glass of wine half full at night and had lost fifteen pounds. A couple of months later, I met someone and started drinking again because we were going out a lot. Of course, in a few months, the novelty wore off for him, and he resumed his real vice: smoking, while I just kept on drinking.
I started taking Topamax again a month ago, and it's not working. I asked for help on here and some suggested that the dose was too high (I started at a higher dose than last time), so I went back down to 25 mg a day to start. Nothing is happening. I am having very bad stomach pains and other pains in other various organs, and I am scared to death that I'm going to die and my daughters are going to be alone. I am back up to a liter of vodka a day, and today I got on my scale and, in addition to the weight I'd gained back, I gained ten more pounds. I am so disgusted with myself. I can't even talk to my boyfriend about it, because his daughter is starting treatment today for anorexia and I don't want to cry, "I'm so fat" to him as well. I don't eat anything. Really. I just came back from New Orleans, and I swear the whole time I was there I ate about six raw oysters and a few egg whites. It's all alcohol.
Anyone have any tips? Advice? Any kind words? Does anyone think this weight could possibly be a lot of bloat? I can't believe I gained ten more pounds and my clothes still fit, so I'm being really delusional because I'm so horrified. I'm really in the pits and will take anything I can get. :upset:
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