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    #1

    No matter what I do , it's my marriage

    Ok I keep reading my old posts and keep replaying everything back in my head and I need to find out if on my own. We separated a d all of a sudden she started drinking again. Wtf , she basically roped me back in. Now I know I need to get out but she has me shackled. I have too much heart and will not leave.

    She has this hold on me and I can't figure it out.... Help!
    Starting over again 09/06/11

    "When its good its good its so good until it goes bad" Pink,Sober

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    #2
    No matter what I do , it's my marriage

    Oh, and all the years of therapy.... Point back to my marriage
    Starting over again 09/06/11

    "When its good its good its so good until it goes bad" Pink,Sober

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      #3
      No matter what I do , it's my marriage

      How did she rope you back in change? Because she started drinking again? Do you feel like it's your duty to take care of her? From what I've read and heard from others, nothing you can do will change her behavior. Doesn't she have any family to help her?


      "I like people too much or not at all."       Sylvia Plath

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        #4
        No matter what I do , it's my marriage

        I can take care of myself, I have everything a man could ever want except his queen. Seriously, Iove what I have and have worked damn hard for it. Unfortunately , I have been guilted Into taking care of her by her family and specially her. Every time I ever tried to leave, she has formulated a Plan to keep me. Even attempting suicide. Ever since that attemp, I have been scared to leave because of what will become of her

        Stupid right?
        Starting over again 09/06/11

        "When its good its good its so good until it goes bad" Pink,Sober

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          #5
          No matter what I do , it's my marriage

          I don't know. It does sound like quite a situation, but not one I'm equipped to give advice about. I wish you all the best, and I hope your wife can get the help that she needs.


          "I like people too much or not at all."           Sylvia Plath

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            #6
            No matter what I do , it's my marriage

            Do you have children, Change

            :l
            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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              #7
              No matter what I do , it's my marriage

              No children, and everyone keep telling me I'm nutz. Of course they don't know the entire story. Oh yeah, she just jumped into her 55k cadi. Irrelevant but still burns my ass
              Starting over again 09/06/11

              "When its good its good its so good until it goes bad" Pink,Sober

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                #8
                No matter what I do , it's my marriage

                I woke up this morning with the understanding that I need a divorce. It has been so hard because she refused to accept the fact. I seem to be self destructing in the hopes she will leave and guess what , she ain't leaving. Probably because I provide everything for her and always have. It is not a partnership, it is not a team, it is me providing and her taking. In fact, I feel as if she does nothing for me. The only thing she does is laundry and I am perfectly capable of doing it. It is time to downsize , I can always get another house. It just burns me because this is my house. My family loaned me a bunch if money to get it and I pay for everything. Hell, her family didn't even give us a wedding gift which still pisses me off. So what do u think? I think I am just in wanting a divorce. I also think she likes me under the influence. When I was sober for 2 years, she hated it because my eyes opened up to all of this. Now I have been prolonging the inevitable prolonging the pain
                Starting over again 09/06/11

                "When its good its good its so good until it goes bad" Pink,Sober

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                  #9
                  No matter what I do , it's my marriage

                  Change
                  I am so sorry for what you are going through, friend
                  I hate to give advice but I want to see you happy
                  I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                  Live in the Solution....not the problem

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                    #10
                    No matter what I do , it's my marriage

                    Hi Change,

                    I know nothing about your situation but can't help but think of the recent Mary Kennedy situation. I don't think there was anything he could do either. Please think long and hard about what you do. Be glad you don't have little ones, Please involve your wife's parents and your parents as much as you can. You will need both sets of parents and their guidance. It sounds like she has some emotional issues, maybe depression that could be treated with medication. You don't need to be held hostage to this but you do need some patience because she won't get well overnight.

                    Best,

                    Raven

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                      #11
                      No matter what I do , it's my marriage

                      excellent advice Raven
                      I have battled the depression monster for years. It took inner strength, a supportive hubs and good docs and MEDS
                      I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                      Live in the Solution....not the problem

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                        #12
                        No matter what I do , it's my marriage

                        Dear Change,

                        Sounds like you've tried everything, nothing's working, and you're destroying yourself in the process. When you give and give, and get nothing in return, it's perplexing. What don't they get? I have the same problem in my marriage. Narcissism, perhaps, and that's a hopeless personality for us OHs.

                        I don't know the whole story, of course, but I say get out. I've seen so many lives wasted due to unhappy marriages, and the guilt that keeps one a slave grinds fosters more anger. Oh, btw, you have a right to a happy life, you know.

                        It's hard, I know, and many times wish I would make the leap myself. Like tonight.

                        If she takes her life, it isn't your fault. Not at all.

                        I should probably shut up, as I don't know you that well, but what the hell. I've never been hesistant to give advice.

                        Good luck, and remember, it's only stuff you're losing. When you got nothin', you got nothin' else to lose. Rather freeing, don't you think? I do.

                        I'd like to drop the keys on the kitchen table, walk out, and disappear. I'll be a martyr, I'm sure. How about you?

                        My best to you.

                        Juja
                        "Remember, you are responsible for creating your life by every thought, action, choice. Choose well." Oprah Winfrey

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                          #13
                          No matter what I do , it's my marriage

                          You sound like you are on a journey to learn something about yourself. These can be tough, but lessons or personal learning episodes often are. I listened to this last night and I learned this about myself in my last marriage, but I still have not conquered this flaw that makes me ill and even self destructive.

                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrNxvpTDo_s[/video]]Gabor Mate on the hidden cost of stress on peoples' health. - YouTube

                          Let me know what you think.
                          Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

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                            #14
                            No matter what I do , it's my marriage

                            Mine wouldn't go. Mine wouldn't go, mine kept taking. Mine kept chipping away at me. Mine when I would sober up - would go out and get a new box of wine. Easier to keep me under the thumb and earning a ton of money, not going anywhere - when I was given my adult sippy cup.

                            Want to leave? Threaten me with ending it all...or not being able to take care of himself - or refusing to leave the house - or pretending to be deaf and not hear me - wandering room to room away from me as if I was speaking another language...

                            I'd sit in the driveway night after night - having to talk myself into the house - for years.

                            But I had kids.

                            Eventually I took a knife and sawed through a femur and carved my way out of the trap. Best thing I ever did. I only regret not doing it sooner. Leaving a relationship that toxic is like leaving AL behind - the longer you are out of it - the more you realize what a miserable fog your world was under.

                            You can only do it when you are miserable enough to decide the pain of staying is worse than the cost of leaving. When the scales tip - that's when you go.

                            Peace my friend. It's a hard road. And trust me - it get's ugly when you go because they come after you with everything to make your life a living breathing hell. But get through it? To a healthier you or a healthier relationship? You will wonder why and how you stayed so long. You will wish you hadn't. You will think of all the forks in the road you hadn't taken.

                            Sending love, hugs and support.
                            That popping sound you hear is me attempting to remove my head from my arse. It's been there for years so this may take a while.
                            Admitting I need healing. And I am not big enough to do this alone.
                            AF - August 20, 2012

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                              #15
                              No matter what I do , it's my marriage

                              Amen, PF! Well said!!!!
                              Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

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