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    #1

    Cant believe am in denial.......

    Had to open this thread so i can see it tomorrow. It not the alcohol. Think i need to go NA feeling real ashame of myself right now. Had a good day with my gran daughter, get to witching hour straight to the toilet. It says on the packet legal high. This will make u laf am not a smoker. Just need some support. I knw i dont blackout on this so will remember everything 2morrow
    Dnt like it when it makes me paranoid.
    Formerly known as Teardrop:l
    sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
    my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !
    Tags: None
    #2
    Cant believe am in denial.......

    Hi catch22,

    Hope you're feeling better today. Maybe you can employ your strategy to get sober to get rid of this substance too. NA sounds like a good idea. How are you feeling now?
    sigpic
    AF since December 22nd 2008
    Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

    Comment

      #3
      Cant believe am in denial.......

      Hi Catch 22. How are you doing there friend? G.

      'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

      Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

      Comment

        #4
        Cant believe am in denial.......

        To be honest Marshy and Mr G, It is on me the craving, my heart, throat and stomach feels scared.
        Thought i could get away with it, it happen very slowly in the month of June and i know this could lead me to pick up a drink. When am in it sometimes i want to get out of it, and when am out of it i want to be in it. My heads all over the place. I will find it really hard to get rid of the substance. The heads telling me i can be in control of this and it wont be that bad next time.
        I know deep down am losing that control.
        I am scared to got NA dont know why !
        Thank you for your post x
        Formerly known as Teardrop:l
        sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
        my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

        Comment

          #5
          Cant believe am in denial.......

          Should not of open this thread i forgot this is a drinking site not a drug site x
          Formerly known as Teardrop:l
          sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
          my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

          Comment

            #6
            Cant believe am in denial.......

            catch22;1393335 wrote: Should not of open this thread i forgot this is a drinking site not a drug site x
            Don't worry about that Catch 22.

            I think you are correct about losing control and this leading you to drinking again. It has happened to me before. If i am not feeling happy, relaxed, have purpose to my life, and not in control, then i am very vulnerable and at risk. If you feel you have now introduced negativity into your life, you know the only way is to stop, and take back control. Because you are using a mind altering substance, you will not be thinking as clearly as you otherwise would.

            Why not wander into a NA meeting? Look one up and go today

            Take care friend. G.

            'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

            Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

            Comment

              #7
              Cant believe am in denial.......

              Catch,
              If it's any help I've been to one or 2 NA meetings and loved them. They don't mind what your addiction is. More or less like an AA meeting but with better coffee and more hugs.

              My addiction is/was alcohol, the person next to me painkillers. It really is up to you to share what your addiction is.

              I've even got my 3 year 'clean & serene' keyring. I'm definitely clean of alcohol but not so sure about the serene bit.
              It could be worse, I could be filing.
              AF since 7/7/2009

              Comment

                #8
                Cant believe am in denial.......

                JackieClaire;1393350 wrote: Catch,
                If it's any help I've been to one or 2 NA meetings and loved them. They don't mind what your addiction is. More or less like an AA meeting but with better coffee and more hugs.

                My addiction is/was alcohol, the person next to me painkillers. It really is up to you to share what your addiction is.
                Hi JC.

                I agree.

                Off to bed for me. Keep in touch C22. :l

                'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                Comment

                  #9
                  Cant believe am in denial.......

                  I have not read ur post but thanx so much. I feel like am in the class room rite now but at the Back waving my hands for attend to get notic am crying rite now this stuff is sowi g the good things you see whn i first took my body was fight it tht whyvi had a few bad trips but now my muscles body feeling are not fighting against it am going wviit wiv the flow. Am shoutving feels like my first day again on here like a newbie. Am goin to go now to sleep. And pls dont take tbt tbe wrong way. Glad i got honest wiv u floks xxx
                  Formerly known as Teardrop:l
                  sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
                  my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Cant believe am in denial.......

                    Are you going to be okay today?

                    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Cant believe am in denial.......

                      Hi Catch. I just now saw your posts and wanted to say that I too am glad you came here to talk about what's going on. I hope you are OK today. Did you decide to go to a NA meeting? What's the worst that can happen, right? Nothing bad.

                      Please don't feel ashamed. It is SO easy for all of us to turn to something else when we give up alcohol. For me I have had to battle obsessions with food, shopping and some things like that. For others it's pills or other substances. There is no shame in talking about it! Recovery can be a long and winding road.

                      We are here for you! Let us know how you are doing OK?

                      :h

                      DG
                      Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                      Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                      One day at a time.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Cant believe am in denial.......

                        Guitarista;1393338 wrote: Don't worry about that Catch 22.

                        I think you are correct about losing control and this leading you to drinking again. It has happened to me before. If i am not feeling happy, relaxed, have purpose to my life, and not in control, then i am very vulnerable and at risk. If you feel you have now introduced negativity into your life, you know the only way is to stop, and take back control. Because you are using a mind altering substance, you will not be thinking as clearly as you otherwise would.

                        Why not wander into a NA meeting? Look one up and go today

                        Take care friend. G.
                        I am ok 2day thank you today am not going to take any stuff, the negative when i take this stuff is really bad i could not read your post the other day just about typed out my post. Your so right about the mind altering that why i had to open this thread it took me in a dark place of depression, was not nice. Had a bad trip first time taking this at home had to call 999 you would think that i would learn from this hide the evidence in the toilet. Once again put my family through a lot of worry. I know i can do this it will be hard but worth it. I will be going AA today and i am going to look up some NA meetings in my area. Thank you sooo much for your post and support Mr G :l
                        Formerly known as Teardrop:l
                        sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
                        my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Cant believe am in denial.......

                          JackieClaire;1393350 wrote: Catch,
                          If it's any help I've been to one or 2 NA meetings and loved them. They don't mind what your addiction is. More or less like an AA meeting but with better coffee and more hugs.

                          My addiction is/was alcohol, the person next to me painkillers. It really is up to you to share what your addiction is.

                          I've even got my 3 year 'clean & serene' keyring. I'm definitely clean of alcohol but not so sure about the serene bit.
                          Thank you JackieClaire it does help me knowning someone goes NA. :l Not sure what the stuff i take is inside looking it up today mary joy side effects, i have all the side effects. they say it is a legal high but it not there is 5 illegal cannainoids in this tiny packet of 1gram. Its called mary joy and it got WARNING written three times in red letters you would of thought that having a warning sign tha ti would think twice about taking it..Thank you soo much for posting it all helps me. x
                          Formerly known as Teardrop:l
                          sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
                          my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Cant believe am in denial.......

                            Doggygirl;1393763 wrote: Hi Catch. I just now saw your posts and wanted to say that I too am glad you came here to talk about what's going on. I hope you are OK today. Did you decide to go to a NA meeting? What's the worst that can happen, right? Nothing bad.

                            Please don't feel ashamed. It is SO easy for all of us to turn to something else when we give up alcohol. For me I have had to battle obsessions with food, shopping and some things like that. For others it's pills or other substances. There is no shame in talking about it! Recovery can be a long and winding road.

                            We are here for you! Let us know how you are doing OK?

                            :h

                            DG
                            Doggygirl feeling better today thank you, really want to stop but you knew when the head goes and just says to you just take a tiny bit, it only takes a tiny bit sometimes for this stuff to make me feel like i weight a ton and cant move a inch of my body feels like am paralysis. It is a horrifying experience, each time i think it going to be different next time, sometimes it is . Thats how it plays tricks with me! It feels nice to know that you guys are here for me. :l Am not in that dark place today i know sometimes am in denial with it but i need to accept it, now coming here sharing and also shared at AA meetings has help me a lot it the first step. x
                            Formerly known as Teardrop:l
                            sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
                            my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Cant believe am in denial.......

                              mollyka;1393825 wrote: Catch - I hope you're ok? I agree with what the other's say - and I would definitely get to an NA meeting. I've been to a couple and they were lovely.
                              Just to share with you -- this time last year I hit my absolute 'rock bottom' -- I was broken by alcohol - as was my marriage, my children, my whole life. It was inconceivable to me that I would drink again - truly - deeply. A short two months later I took a few drags of a joint - that was fine, I had never had a problem with weed, could take it or leave it in the past. Within 24 hours I had had a drink. Coincidence --- I don't think so. Be very careful hon:l
                              Molly
                              Mollyka, thanks for your post,:l I know what your saying and it not a coincidence , heard ppl share that you always go back to the first addiction. Sometimes this stuff does leave me like feeling afterwards i could do with a drink. See at first i thought to myself it not a drink it just a tiny smoke in a tiny little pipe, wont do me any harm. But it is,, even though am ok but i do feel scared. Thank you so much x
                              Formerly known as Teardrop:l
                              sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
                              my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

                              Comment

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