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    #16
    Cant believe am in denial.......

    Hi Catch,

    For me, the question was/is.....why do i want to numb myself, or get high? Sure, it can be a bit of a release, but for me and us, the reasons usually go deeper than that, and soon enough i will want to get numb the best way i know how, and we all know where that leads. So i know that if i get high or in a mind altered state, i will get careless, and soon enough i will be drinking again, which then becomes self abuse, self pity, and loss of self.

    If happiness is missing, I have to find what makes me happy, and surround myself with it as best i can. I am careful not to allow an empty hole to grow within me, that i may feel i need to fill with drugs or booze.

    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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      #17
      Cant believe am in denial.......

      Hi Catch. Just posting to say hi and tell you that I am thinking about you today! I hope you are reaching out for help here with us, AA, NA - surrounding yourself with help and hope. Like a warm blanket. :l

      DG
      Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
      Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

      One day at a time.

      Comment

        #18
        Cant believe am in denial.......

        How are you doing catch?
        sigpic
        AF since December 22nd 2008
        Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

        Comment

          #19
          Cant believe am in denial.......

          Guitarista;1394184 wrote: Hi Catch,

          For me, the question was/is.....why do i want to numb myself, or get high? Sure, it can be a bit of a release, but for me and us, the reasons usually go deeper than that, and soon enough i will want to get numb the best way i know how, and we all know where that leads. So i know that if i get high or in a mind altered state, i will get careless, and soon enough i will be drinking again, which then becomes self abuse, self pity, and loss of self.

          If happiness is missing, I have to find what makes me happy, and surround myself with it as best i can. I am careful not to allow an empty hole to grow within me, that i may feel i need to fill with drugs or booze.
          Keep reading the Serenity prayer, that stands out for me , COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN , there is something missing inside me, your post Mr G i can so relate to it. It is a inside job that goes deep for me.
          The good thing is i know what it is and it is only me that can change it. The work begins in baby steps 4 me again . Thanks for your post. x
          Formerly known as Teardrop:l
          sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
          my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

          Comment

            #20
            Cant believe am in denial.......

            Doggygirl;1394243 wrote: Hi Catch. Just posting to say hi and tell you that I am thinking about you today! I hope you are reaching out for help here with us, AA, NA - surrounding yourself with help and hope. Like a warm blanket. :l

            DG
            Thanks Doggygirl been getting honest at meetings cant keep this stuff to myself. Going to more AA meetings, chicken out going to a NA meeting.. It so good to be with people that understands me dont know what i would do without AA and mwo it all started coming on here where i got my help and am so grateful for that it help me a lot. x
            Formerly known as Teardrop:l
            sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
            my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

            Comment

              #21
              Cant believe am in denial.......

              Marshy;1395462 wrote: How are you doing catch?
              Hi Marshy,
              Am ok thank you , am so determined to do this and i know i will. x
              Formerly known as Teardrop:l
              sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
              my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

              Comment

                #22
                Cant believe am in denial.......

                Catch 22- What drugs are you doing? I've lived through it with my daugther who was addicted to oxy. You cannot get rid of an addiction of this sort on your own. Rehab (and make sure it is a good one) is needed for this.

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                  #23
                  Cant believe am in denial.......

                  I have attended NA meetings, I did take drugs when drinking but wasn't addicted as such(but probably could have been if I'd let myself). Didn't mean I couldn't give the meetings a go, found them very friendly and accepting but for me they were a fair distance to get to and in the end I found a different way to get fixed - which started with cutting out the drugs I found I could do without much effort, before I solved the drinking bit.

                  Substituting is very common and drug addicts are recommended to cut out alcohol, as that's what they often end up turning to and it's all the same really - just another drug.
                  I used the Sinclair Method to beat my alcoholic drinking.

                  Drank within safe limits for almost 2 years

                  AF date 22/07/13

                  Comment

                    #24
                    Cant believe am in denial.......

                    Hi UK. Good to see you, and agree with your post.

                    edit: x-post. Hi Molly. Yes, this has been my experience.

                    How are you going C22?

                    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                    Comment

                      #25
                      Cant believe am in denial.......

                      Hi Catch & friends!!!

                      Glad to see that it's helping you to talk about this stuff at AA. From my experience here where I live, there are tons of people in AA who self identify as "dually addicted." So I'm guessing you will find plenty of support and understanding there is it's more comfortable than starting new in NA, or trying to juggle the two different meetings.

                      Hope you are well!!! Hope you check in soon!!

                      DG
                      Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                      Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                      One day at a time.

                      Comment

                        #26
                        Cant believe am in denial.......

                        mollyka;1402832 wrote: I agree - entirely. There was a young lad in rehab with me - he was doing a lot of drugs - street drugs mainly - but had no apparent problem with alcohol. He would just go out with his mates at the weekend and have a couple of pints. But they were adamant in rehab. that he had to cut out alcohol as well. That really upset him -- but I can see their point - as stated in UK's last paragraph.
                        Molly
                        Some addicts don't believe it, go out get lashed at the weekend and boom becomes a problem a lot of the time.

                        Don't suppose you've seen Trainspotting film Mollyka?
                        I used the Sinclair Method to beat my alcoholic drinking.

                        Drank within safe limits for almost 2 years

                        AF date 22/07/13

                        Comment

                          #27
                          Cant believe am in denial.......

                          Ukblonde;1403133 wrote: Some addicts don't believe it, go out get lashed at the weekend and boom becomes a problem a lot of the time.

                          Don't suppose you've seen Trainspotting film Mollyka?
                          I just requested this movie from the library, I cannot for the life of me remember if I've seen it or not....
                          :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                          Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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