i'm a mess

[struggles]

So I really screwed up yesterday and drank. It's been 15 hours and i'm shaky, sweaty, heart racing and feel like crap. I CAN NEVER drink. I feel like I need to drink today to stop this, but I know that will lead to all day binge. Please pray for me. I have to beat this demon.:upset:

[kuya]

i'm a mess

How can I help you stay sober todayStruggles?

[Dave_]

i'm a mess

Struggles, are you all right? Please post here, people will help you.

[porqoui]

i'm a mess

Aww struggles here you go :l:l

Lots of deep breathing and water. This will pass but I know where you're at and how hard it is right now.

:lilangel: Prayers are on their way.

[Alcoholic]

i'm a mess

Will pray for you.

[LibraryGirl]

i'm a mess

Thinking of you, struggles and sending good thoughts your way. Do you have friends or family you can be with while you fight the urges and withdrawals. If possible, get some l-glutamine from GNC or a health food store...if in UK, maybe Tesco. Try some calming herbal tea like camomile (also readily available even at CVS or possible Dollar Store)...drink warm broth, watch some mindless tv, eat cookies or whatever you like and pamper yourself.:l

[nurdl]

i'm a mess

You can do it struggles. Keep posting to stay in touch with your friends here.

[struggles]

i'm a mess

kept drinking to stop shakes. I am now drunk and this sucks. I have no family close by and pray that this will stop. I am still reading, but did drink...this sucks :upset:

[planetjanet]

i'm a mess

Hello Struggles,

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time and trust me we all know what are you going through because we have all been down that same path. I totally relate to not having really anybody around for support, it's tough but you can get through it. You just need to come up with a plan that will help you in getting through the first couple days and trust me once you start to get more days in, it will get easier. I know this because, today will be 176 days and til this day, I am in such absolute shock. It's just such an unbelievable feeling and nuts at the same time, that on November 2, (the 2nd of every month is my monthly mark) I will have SIX MONTHS AF (alcohol free) under my belt and I too, was a binge drinker, BIG time binge drinker. A big chunk of why I was successful in achieving this is because of the support from this site and my commitment to posting everyday on this site, even if it was just a quick hello. The other chunk was ME!! When I finally just had enough of it and said I will do whatever it takes to stop this madness and trust me I did. There were days when I just stayed home and make sure to support myself with books, movies, a great meal to detour me from having any thoughts of drinking.

Anywho, thank you for sharing and being so honest. Keep posting and again start making a plan of when you will stop this and just remember Struggles, you can do this, if I can, you can.

Lots hugs to you,
Janet
AF Day 176

[DfromCT]

i'm a mess

Hey, Struggles. I suggest you read the MWO book, then if you're serious about wanting to stop drinking, consider the "Extreme 6 week starter kit" which they sell here. It's a very small investment given what it may help you achieve. It really helped me, especially the Hypnotherapy CD's.

It's not easy, and virtually all of us have been where you are, wondering if it's possible to break the hold Alcohol wants to have on us. I'm still relatively new, but I'm convinced it can be done. As recenlty as mid-June I never would have guessed that I could go 100+ days AF, and still consider myself sober since July 6th Your intention is there, you just have to keep moving towards it.

GOOD LUCK and DON'T GIVE UP.

[struggles]

i'm a mess

I made it 15 hours with no drink and I have had two beers this morning to stop the shakes. I have done this before, but this is so hard. I am in danger of losing my job to the economy and also my house. I have no family near and really no friends since my divorce a few years ago. I work from home so no coworkers and when I do go into the office, it's just my boss and she has no idea. I have a wonderful man in my life but he has commitment issues and lives almost an hour away. He does not drink, used to be a really heavy drinker and one day he just quit so he does not understand my failures. Holy hell, I DON'T UNDERSTAND! Anyway the last time I slipped he told we would be through so I can't tell him. My ex doesn't want to pay child support anylonger so I think he is filing for full custody and the only way I know how to "numb" the pain is to drink, but now I can't stop. I recently had a full hysterectomy and can't exercise, heck, I can't even pick the laundry basket or run the vaccuum for two more weeks. The kids vaccuum and bring the laundry down and I wash and dry it and fold it down by the machines and they bring it back up. I had been sober for almost sixty days this last time and it was great, but I was also having surgery so I had to do it. My life is a mess and I'm so sad. I was taking the topomax but stopped it because I was doing so well. I have the book, I have read the book and the cd's drive me crazy...I never get to the bottom of the stairs or the elevator LOL. Please, any more advice will help. I have xanax for anxiety and the first time I have ever quit, the addiction doctor had me taking that to alleviate the withdrawals. I also have Jason Vale's book, Kick the drink, but have not read it. Please don't leave me and please continue to support me. I really need it.:upset:

[kuya]

i'm a mess

We are here Struggles and know how much pain you are in. So sorry it is so hard.

You got good AF time before, so is something different this time?

[LibraryGirl]

i'm a mess

Everyone's here and no one's leaving you.:l You have had a lot to deal with, and I admire your strength. 60 days AF is one hell of an accomplishment! If you did it one time, regardless of why, you can do it again (with help from this site). Keep posting and reaching out. I believe in you.:l

[Alcoholic]

i'm a mess

Hi, struggles, I agree w LG, you keep posting, you will get support. Just focus on the biggest problem right now which is the alcohol. Once that problem is less of a problem, you can tackle the rest w a sober mind. Good luck today and keep positive thoughts always.

[pixie]

i'm a mess

Hi struggles

I also admire your strength, you have a lot going on right now. But for now, maybe for the next 3-4 days, try to focus on stopping the alcohol. once it's out of your system you will be better able to deal with everything else.

Can you pick up the supplements suggested in the book? I've found the kudzu, l-glutamine, and B vitamins the most helpful. the l-glutamine is especially helpful when you have cravings, you can put it under your tongue for some immediate relief.

Have you considered taking the topamax again, since it sounds like it was helping?

Stay close, keep posting and reading. You have it in you to do this, you have done it before.