Grad student meant to do great things but hindered

[Soosa86]

Hello

I am a grad student at a presitgious international school pursuing my masters in Conflict Resolution and Arabic. I speak several dialects fluently and I am mistaken for an Arab whenever I go abroad; Ive spoken the language for over 15 years.

My passion lies with the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict; since before I learned Arabic (it is so prevalent in my life I often dream in Arabic) I knew my destiny was here. To solidify this was the death of my first love deported from America and killed not a week later by Israeli forces.

I have always known I was destined for greath things and my destiny inhabits the international arena; I also speak French, Turkish and Italian. But alcoholism resides in both my parents and I have an addictive personality; not only do I get shit faced every night buy I smoke several hookah sessions.

I am exhuasted, both by guilt the phsyical and the mental detriments (my memory is shit which in my field I cannot afford.)

This has escalated in the past year; three or four times I fucked up my beautiful 2010 camaro driving and driniking; last time I had her in for repairs I got an aweseome convertible rental;;;;guess what....I fucked that up drinking and driving into two parked cars in a neighborhood.

When I got back to start the semester in Sepbtember I was sober for two weeks and loved it; especially my work ethic but now....I am back at it and each hearing for my court date makes me want to drink more. I think most asbout my mom who has been a saint through all of this...even when picking me up from the drunk bin.

HELP I know I can do AMAZING things sober but how do I get there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[kuya]

Grad student meant to do great things but hindered

As Molly said:welcome:

Also to reiterate, the problem that you have with drinking stands alone and your education does not make a difference. Have a good read and a good place to say hi is the newbies nest. Simply settling in and getting some time without alcohol will give you time to get your head straight.

I wish you the best KY

[Alcoholic]

Grad student meant to do great things but hindered

Soosa:

Congrats on your dedication to education and your amazing talent is to be admired.

Sometimes we think alcoholism and depression can be treated w willpower alone, and that is true in many cases.

But do you want to risk your hard earned career path to see if it will work for you? Because those who try willpower alone typically fail and succeed then fail an succeed again until one day it finally sticks. So in the meantime, you may get more DUI's, get in a car accident kill self or others, ruin your career big time, etc.,

I would go through this website and look at some of the meds and supplements that have help people quit. Read the studies on line outside of this forum. Get professional help if necessary. (There's a huge med help section)

What works for me may not work for you, so find people here w more similar experience as you and find out what works for them the most. I hope you find a solution soon because I agree, you do have a very bright future, but there is something big blocking its way that you need to get that out of the way soon before you destroy your chances in life.

[mario]

Grad student meant to do great things but hindered

Alcoholism has no borders nor religion, nor does it care whether your super intelligent or super not intelligent , All it needs is a willing person to indulge and abuse it,Then it turns it around and abuses you and eventually kills you.Soosa welcome to MWO a great community here with lots of good help and advice,read as much as you can and share and keep posting what your going through.hope to see you around :goodjob:





https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...ase-35535.html check it out.

[almost free]

Grad student meant to do great things but hindered

Hi Soosa,

Welcome! You will find tons of support and encouragement here. I struggled for years, in and out of a 12 step program, but could rarely get more than a few months. I did, at one point, get two consecutive years, but I'm back to square one. Again. Just have to keep moving forward. what else can I do? I'm so glad I found this site.

What I love about MWO, is that it accepts that there are many ways that people have found sobriety. Some with meds, some with supplements and diet, some wish to abstain, some to moderate, and some are happy just to increase the number or days per month that they are alcohol free. Progress, not perfection. Some people combine several strategies. Everyone is allowed to find their own way.

What's wonderful here, is that there is no shaming, no lectures, and no dogma. It's not 'one size fits all' or 'our way or the highway'. Just people from all over the world, sharing their encouragement and feedback on what is working for them. There is a whole MWO program available, with book, cds, etc. And lots of info on meds, supplements, etc.

I do remember when I was active in AA, that many people facing court dates would come in, before they were sentenced, advised by their attorneys, to show that they were 'serious' about getting help for their problem. Kind of like a court card, they would bring in a blank piece of paper, accumulating the dates, times of meetings they attended, the location and signed by the meeting secretary. They would present this to the judge. This was regardless of how they personally felt about attending the meetings. Oh, and don't forget to put your name on it. I can't tell you how many people would forget to pick up their 'cards' after the meeting and would have a hard time getting it returned to them, after having attended so many meetings!

I spent hours and hours on MWO, reading, before I had the courage to join in. I'm not real computer savvy and was kind of confused how to navigate, but I'm sure that won't be a problem for you. I just discovered the 'you know you are an alcoholic when.....' thread, under General Discussion. I spent most of yesterday over there, just reading, to fill in the time so I wouldn't drink. Some pretty interesting reading over there! Find a thread you feel comfortable on and join in. You will make many caring friends here. Good luck and so glad you are here.

p.s. I, too, am impressed with your incredible talent and accomplishments. Terrible to let alcohol destroy so much you have worked for.

[almost free]

Grad student meant to do great things but hindered

Hi Mario,

I just clicked on 'I Am Your Disease'. Powerful. Thanks!

[Soosa86]

Grad student meant to do great things but hindered

Thank you all so much for heart-felt words and genuine comments. You are right--alcochol knows not limitations. I am excited to peruse this site and fine a solution that will at least start to get me to sobriety. To all of you, thank you.

[Struggles 106]

Grad student meant to do great things but hindered

Hey Soosa

As stated here. addiction is not selective. Noone is immune. The only sure thing about it is that wherever you start, you will go DOWN. That's the guarantee.

You have suffered repercussions alreadt from excessive drinking, and I would say that any other kind of drinking is not in your future. You are starting a great journey that will allow you to live the full life you deserve.

I wish you well and hope you stick around! Take care

[almost free]

Grad student meant to do great things but hindered

Hi Soosa,

Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. Hope things are getting better. As Alcoholic said on another post, there are so many different approaches people try in their quest for sobriety. If one doesn't work for you, just keep trying different things until you find one that works for you. Don't give up. No one will judge you here. We applaud everyone who has the courage to keep trying. Rare is the person who 'got it' with the first try. Good luck and let us hear how you are doing.