in the abyss,,again

[4mykids]

I'm a 45 year old mom to two great teenagers. I need to stop drinking, but like all of you, the thought scares the crap out of me, which is crazy, cuz the thought of continuing to drink like this should scare me more. I have no doubt I've done permanent damage to my health. I can't believe I choose to drink so much, knowing it's killing me and knowing I won't live to see my kids get married if I continue down this path. You would think that would motivate me to stop but it doesn't. I wake up in my morning drowning in self-loathing, vowing to stop but 4:00 pm rolls around and out comes the wine, vodka, beer, whatever is handy. I have quit drinking before, got fit & healthy, but alas, I'm back to my old habits. I don't want to not remember any more conversations with my kids, not remember the shows we watched at night, not lose my temper so easily, not cheat on my husband while drunk, yes, i've done horrible things.

[Quest for the key]

in the abyss,,again

First of all, :welcome:

You've come to the BEST place - and i mean that from the bottom of my heart :h

I've been on this forum for a few months now and am still tackling the beast - and I have 4 kids of varying ages (6, 9, 11 and 15) so I know exactly where you're coming from.

Have a wander around - try the newbies nest, and the tool box is full of useful information.

But PLEASE don't feel that you're on your own, or the other thoughts that accompany AL.

We are all here for the same reason - to try to conquer the beast that's killing us

Lots of love and PMA PMA PMA to you xxx

[paulywogg]

in the abyss,,again

hi 4mykids,i know its hard when we get stuck in that drinking rut,youve quit before,you can again,keep coming here to get some strength,its a great place to be,welcome

[Alcoholic]

in the abyss,,again

Hi 4my kids:

I drank for 20 years 1-2 bottles of wine per day and never thought I could stop either. Then I saw some people tried either herbal supplements or meds and that weekend, i went out and got l-glutamine and kudzu (I did some internet research and found the better brands that's out there recommended by people in this forum). Since then, in the last month I drank 4 times, each time just 1-2 glasses of wine. I don't know how they work but I am just enjoying the freedom. So feel free to read other people experiences and find what will work best for you.... What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. Just find YOUR way out! But there's hope! Good luck!

[mama bear]

in the abyss,,again

Oh 4...I sooooo feel your pain. I was in the same boat. A great husband, 2 great sons, a job, house, the works...and I almost lost it all
I tried to quit for two years, and after the worst hangover of my life this May, something clicked.
Stay here and talk to us
The Newbies Nest is a great place to start.....

[4mykids]

in the abyss,,again

wow you guys are awesome,,thanks for the messages. I will look into the natural supplements but not are all available here in Canada. I will take all the help I can get,,it's so nice to not feel alone. It's the witching hour(s)...

[Zenstyle]

in the abyss,,again

Hello and welcome 4... :welcome:

There is a lot of camaraderie on this site... we're all in the same boat and all at different points in our journey. )

You might want to read some of the posts in the Tool Box... there's some useful info there. Here's a link... https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Please don't feel alone! If you read around the threads you will see many like minded people... And if you need info on supplements I can help.

Nice to have you on board! )

[Turnagain]

in the abyss,,again

Welcome Four...

You've already got a growing fan club to support you! I can tell you that the support and friendships I've found here have helped me tremendously.

When I first came here....I remember reading something quite powerful and it went something like this:

We don't choose to become addicted....but we can choose whether to drink....or not.

Addiction is powerful...but the good news is...each of us is more powerful than addiction. And the road to recovery starts with choosing to live and you've taken a huge step on that path.

I really identify with your situation. My kids are now grown and out of the house, but I was doing my heaviest drinking while they were here....in their teens. I sure thought I was hiding my drinking, but they were on to me and even ferreted out some of my secret stashes. I lied about that, but they knew better. Now...my kids are so proud of me and have a lot of admiration and respect for me and what i've overcome. And....I don't miss drinking at all. I NEVER thought I'd be one to say that...but it's true. My life is full and happy now. I would never trade the peace I have for a buzz now.

None of us have the ability to change the past but we can take charge of the present and influence the future. It can be a little rough at the beginning while your body is detoxing...but it gets better quickly. Healing is a process and you'll have plenty of help and encouragement - if you want it - each step of the way.

[cpn1004]

in the abyss,,again

4mykids,
I have done horrible things while drinking. I finally did stop. The thought of not drinking "forever" freaked me out.
After some time I was able to stop by not taking it in much smaller steps. Like don't drink for the next 5 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour, 1 day...and so on.
Now I focus on not drinking no matter what. One day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time.

[Raven2012]

in the abyss,,again

Oh Sweetie,

Have you talked to your kids? Sometimes they can be the best motivators.
Also I've found if they are teenagers to make plans of things that you like to do together,
rollerskating, pizza, I'm going to stop small here so as to not get trite. I'll bet you've tried a lot.
I'll bet you love them a lot. Have you tried taking all alcohol out of the house and making a plan for the eve? They still need you. Mine are just 8 and 6 and I know they'll be teenagers soon. Please make a plan.

[whitemarshmom]

in the abyss,,again

Raven I am also a mother of an 8 and 5 year old... I ran out of wine last night, and ive told myself, IM NOT GOING TO BUY ANYMORE ( at least until Friday) I am also 45, and I love my kids more than anything, but im so sick and tired of waking up in the morning, and not remembering most of the evening and knowing i didnt read to my kids.. What if one of them wakes up sick? and they cant wake me up! They are starting to talk about things i did, and saying you were crazy last night

I have to stop, and today will be AF 1 for me

[Ishybit]

in the abyss,,again

Hi Whitemarsh mom,
I know exactly how you feel. I have woken up in my kids beds after trying to read to them. Waking and wondering if my slurring was really obvious. Duh! It's a shitty feeling. Im 46 with an 11 and 9 year old? I have struggled for years! It's only been over the last six months that I'm finally getting the hang of sobriety. It's not easy but it is sooooo awesome and so worth it and parenting is so much more enjoyable. Just get thru today, you can do it.
Keep posting.
Ishy

[scottish lass]

in the abyss,,again

Whitemarsh mom - me too! I am 50 with a 14 and 11 year old, and like Ishy frequently woke up from sleeping on their beds when I was supposed to be putting them to sleep. I am trying hard to become AF and each day is a new challenge, but I am enjoying my girls SO much more when I do stay AF. You can do it and it really is worth it - good luck!

[whitemarshmom]

in the abyss,,again

thanks Ishy and scottish lass, i have been on this MWO, website off and on for the past 4 years.. I am finding myself coming back more often in the past few months, as i know my drinking has reached a new level. I bought a 5 Liter box on Friday, and emptied it last night.. How long have either of you been AF? Most or all of us seem to have a common thread... Women and Moms......

[scottish lass]

in the abyss,,again

WM mom - just passed two weeks and starting on third now - I managed 66 days a year ago, so still learning - and yes, there are so many of us in the same boat!