in the abyss,,again

[clear eyes]

in the abyss,,again

Whitemarshmom - Do it with me! I too am on day 1 again. 53 mom of 3. When my youngest was home a few weeks ago from college I preceded to drink a bottle of wine (1.5) while pretending to be staying up and talking to her. Dumb me at the same time went on this site and she saw it. Long story short I quit once again after that for a week. She will now be home for break on Thursday so I am starting now to be AF for the entire break. I had 90 days earlier this year and various weeks of AF throughout the year. My AF time was much more fun than my day not AF. We can do this!!!

[4mykids]

in the abyss,,again

hey fellow moms...Well I had my first post last week and only managed 1 AF day (friday)...It felt so good, and Saturday was great to not be hungover or tired & grumpy...you would think that would motivate me to continue being AF but not so much...Will try again today.I am really not impressed with myself.

[K9Lover]

in the abyss,,again

Hi 4My and Welcome!

I can definitely relate to you and the other moms here. I was finally able to quit when drinking became harder than not drinking. We can all relate to how you feel. Guilt, shame, remorse, anxiety, depression and self-loathing were my daily companions. That's no way to live. In fact, I wasn't really living, I was just surviving the day until my next drink. I never thought I could quit, but I did, and you CAN too. We can help. Stick around and keep posting. It's good to meet you and I look forward to getting to know you better!

K9

[scottish lass]

in the abyss,,again

This could be the moms thread - the girls and I are going thru some very rough times, but I have never got on with tehm so well, nor had so many good times - and I do believe it is due to my not being hungover 50% of the time or under the influence the other 50% - it really is worth it - I would not miss this for the world. It is still really hard and I can post this positively in the am, but come pm and I struggle - but I aim to keep going so the three of us can have a great life (in spite of all the challenges!)
Totally understand 4mykids - you would think that it would motivate us - I wish I could carry teh morning feelings on.
I have said before - when drinking I love the evenings, dislike the nights and hate the mornings; when trying to stop I love the mornings, hate the eveings and manage the nights...
Keep trying - one day it will click, and I really hope I have reached the click!

[4mykids]

in the abyss,,again

Thanks k9 and lass...it's so helpful to hear your success stories! I logged on cuz of course it's wine o'clock. and i'm trying to remain strong..so far so good..I love what you said lass, about hating the evenings. My husband and I are going through a rough patch, and to be honest I want to start drinking when he gets home to make him more bearable..sad to say but true. Obviously my drinking certainly isn't helping our relationship, but it numbs the pain. But the self loathing in the mornings, I can't take much more of that. My goal is not to drink tonight and go for a run in the morning. Thanks for the support ladies!

[resrchqueen]

in the abyss,,again

This resonates with me as well ladies.. I am also a mom albeit of older kids... I kind of feel like I have no purpose anymore with them both being out of the house.. and starting their own lives... I am looking into a counselor to see weekly about issues of anxiety, depression and abusing alcohol in relation to these. Hang tough... no one promised life would be easy...but it is life.

[paulywogg]

in the abyss,,again

hello ladies,i didnt start drinking til my girls were like 11,13,14 my son was 6, their formative yrs.spent most of that time drunk,i never allowed a hangover i drank it off.now theyre 18,20,22,14 they always think somethings wrong with me cuz im a mellow person sober,theyre used to the loud smart ass they grew up with weird huh?

[whitemarshmom]

in the abyss,,again

WOW Pauly, so close in age, your children are.. I think i drink mainly so I can tolerate the neverending demands of motherhood..oh, and my asshole husband too!...Congratulations! on getting thru the trenches without drinking..... I was AF on Monday, only had 2 beers and 4 wine ( ponys) i never feel hungover, no matter how much wine i drink. But the best part about the past couple mornings, was that i remembered EVERYTHING! I'm out of money until Friday, so i really cant buy any wine or cigarettes for that matter.. And its probably for the best. I went to the Dr today for a physical, and i have high blood pressure, he perscribed meds for me for that, as well as wellabutrin for the generalized anxiety disorder.. Strokes run HIGH in my family, I cant even afford to get the meds until Friday, so I have to do the best thing for my body i can.. not drink ( easier said than done) and not smoke.

[paulywogg]

in the abyss,,again

thats great,baby steps is a good way to start,if i look at in on a whole picture i get super overwhelmed! im glad you were af monday! its nice to remember stuff right on!

[Ishybit]

in the abyss,,again

Hello everyone!
Research queen what you said about anxiety and having a sense of purpose now that your kids are grown really struck a chord with me today. I've been struggling with "what can I do that is rewarding and fulfilling and gives me a sense of purpose and pride." I still haven't figured it out BUT I do know that I'm much more optimistic now that I'm not drinking. Lately I've been obsessed with working out which is great and healthy but seriously, at some point ive got to find the balance.
As far as kids go, without drinking I find that I am much more present with my girls and patient. (Not always but much more so than I was with the temporary glow from wine).
Paulywog, your blood pressure will drop so fast when you quit drinking, you won't need meds. I promise!
You can do it, just take it day by day don't worry about next week.
Ishy

[Ishybit]

in the abyss,,again

Oh sorry, I meant whitemarshmom regarding blood pressure.!

[LibraryGirl]

in the abyss,,again

Hello to all who are struggling, and welcome. Whitemarshmom, I also started having higher blood pressure readings after drinking daily for many years. And, my normal blood pressure is about 60/110, and no family history of high blood pressure. It was completely alcohol induced. After stopping for about 3-4 months, my blood pressure was normal and I feel like a different person. I do still drink, but only about 2 days a week, and in moderation. I no longer obsess about alcohol, but I still fear going back to where I came from (daily 5-6 mixed drinks, sometimes more). Coming here was one of the best things I have ever done for myself, and it can be for you too. Keep posting and reading. It means everything!

[Raven2012]

in the abyss,,again

Wow, how great to hear from all of the moms,
It is a huge transition isn't it? All the stages. And the identity changes that we as women go through with each one. I never had a problem until motherhood. And then, slowly, my stress reliever for a bad day appeared. And it was totally acceptable and legal! And then we need to put ourselves together again. Of course we do. Because our kids need us. I fear sometimes I might be too late, my kids are six and eight. Fortunately, I've always waited until after bedtime but I still feel the guilt. Because I'm too "tired" to do things with them during the time when I should be out and about scheduling play dates and activities. Can we all just make a promise to each other next month will be different? We have a couple of weeks with some time off to figure out the specifics. Maybe some of us need til next year. But surely by January all of us moms can be the moms we want to be by next year right? Fresh start? I'll start a new thread and keep us all accountable. Most of all me. Because more than anything in the world, I want my little ones to admire and respect their mom, and I think you all do too. Blessings, Raven

[4mykids]

in the abyss,,again

Raven very well said..the last thing i would ever want is my kids to look back at their childhood and think of me as a drunk...

[whitemarshmom]

in the abyss,,again

Me too

the last thing i would want my kids to see me as, when they get older, is a drunk.. I started Wellabutrin on Friday, my Dr perscribed it for me on Thursday... I wanted it for the surge of anxiety that comes on about this time every day, that makes me begin my drinking and smoking. Well, so far so good. I havent had a cigarette since yesterday morning and I didnt drink at all last night. I am out of wine, but work is going to be REALLY stressful tomorrow ( this is a fact ) I do work out of my house, and with the Holidays. Maybe i picked a bad time to quit the 2 worst vices that I have... Im starting to feel the anxiety pushing thru, i keep telling myself, just take 15 minutes at a time... I have ALOT of laundry to fold.. maybe that will help... Im not saying im never going to drink again... Just taking one day at a time
Happy Thanksgiving!!