Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..:(

[199days]

Today , went up London with Mrs for walk around and something to eat, but have had severe cave in like cravings today.

Maybe I am doing something wrong at this point, I mean my Mrs has never drank alcohell, so this should be easier you would have thought, but all day long I have been thinking romantic drinking thoughts and how nice it would be to have a drink. Whats stopping me is that I am thinking it through, I have no intentions of two glasses of wine it will be the bottle minium and then I would have to be planning where I am going to hide it tomorrow and how to sneak it into the house. I always hid small bottles of wine from the Mrs and always used to tell her I was only having two large glasses but would have about 1 1/2 bottles of wine and then cans of beer on top. The real thing is that I KNOW moderation is a bigger form of torture than not drinking anything at all much worse a million times worse, tried that so many times drinking just 1/2 a bottle of wine and leaving the rest, my whole life then becomes consumed with it, god this alcohell bs is never ending. I would say 70% of time I feel good and the rest I am craving feeling detached lost and indifferent to all and anything. But just coming here and typing this out has made me feel al little better. I cannot throw this away, how many more years would I be out there getting drunk hiding alcohell and suffering hangovers before I got to a real quit mindset again...could be a long time.

Must Plough on through this, need more time, need to exercises more . Life is really raw and dealing with an alive and thinking brain is all new to me and at times real tough.


have a nice weekend all.

[Alcoholic]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

Good luck! You're doing great! I hope you make it... Just keep posting maybe the craving will melt away!

[Nelz]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

You are not doing anything wrong, I had the same thing happen to me yesterday. It was a MAJOR craving.

I really had a hard time right at 365 days. But, just like before the cravings vanished. I dont think what you are experiencing is all that unusual. Just keep fighting, sometimes the cravings are just harder than others.

[BelleGirl]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

Hey 199...our start dates are about the same, so I am pretty much in the same place as you are. And yes, I do get those occasional cravings...especially lately when a lot of stuff has not been going right in my life and sometimes I want to say "what the hell...why not".

But thinking it through is exactly what I do also. In my case, I start thinking about how nice that first swallow (of vodka) would be. Then I think about how great that would make me feel, just for a little while before I get fuzzy headed. Then I would need another shot to "clear" my head. That shot would make me fuzzy headed quicker, and if I did not drink more, I would start feeling down. So what to do but take another shot?...of course, each shot wears off quicker and quicker...but however, I am getting drunker and drunker. Then it is the 3am wake up with sweats, regret, insomnia and trying to piece together the events of the evening. Of course the coup de gras is the lousy hangover that starts the next morning and basically makes me feel crappy all day. And also, trying to fake like I remember things from the night before, wondering if the husband is angry for something I can't even remember.

Ugh...by the time I walk myself through that, I do not want to drink. I need to copy this post off somewhere just in case I "forget" how to walk through that.

Keep up the good work, 199. From what I have seen on MWO, you are a perfectly normal one of us. :rockon:

[199days]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

Then it is the 3am wake up with sweats, regret, insomnia and trying to piece together the events of the evening.

God I forget this, staring at the ceiling promising myself i am never going to drink again, awful sleep and death like hangovers.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply.

Cravings have gone, drank 4 x bottles of fizzy water and a pint of milk

[Wildflowers]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

I got a couple ideas. Very glad ya haven't busted. I type slow & think slow to, be back in just a sec, got ck on dinner. So, feckin glad your here!!! NO RETURN TO ALCOHOL HELL!!!! :l

[Wildflowers]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

is that I am thinking it through, I have no intentions of two glasses of wine it will be the bottle minium and then I would have to be planning where I am going to hide it tomorrow and how to sneak it into the house. I always hid small bottles of wine from the Mrs and always used to tell her I was only having two large glasses but would have about 1 1/2 bottles of wine and then cans of beer on top. The real thing is that I KNOW moderation is a bigger form of torture than not drinking anything at all much worse a million times worse, tried that so many times drinking just 1/2 a bottle of wine and leaving the rest, my

199days;1409034 wrote: Today , went up London with Mrs for walk around and something to eat, but have had severe cave in like cravings today.

Maybe I am doing something wrong at this point, I mean my Mrs has never drank alcohell, so this should be easier you would have thought, but all day long I have been thinking romantic drinking thoughts and how nice it would be to have a drink. Whats stopping me whole life then becomes consumed with it, god this alcohell bs is never ending. I would say 70% of time I feel good and the rest I am craving feeling detached lost and indifferent to all and anything. But just coming here and typing this out has made me feel al little better. I cannot throw this away, how many more years would I be out there getting drunk hiding alcohell and suffering hangovers before I got to a real quit mindset again...could be a long time.

Must Plough on through this, need more time, need to exercises more . Life is really raw and dealing with an alive and thinking brain is all new to me and at times real tough.


have a nice weekend all.

Hi 199days,

I've been thinking about ya, as I don't think I've seen ya since Moller's thread & knew ya was craving a bit then. Was going ta put a shout out to you next wk if ya didn't appear! I'm so very ~ very happy ya came here, like ya said it takes part of the heat of your back sharing this & getting it out of your head! You've done the next right thing by telling on yourself Sir.

Look you aren't doing anything wrong!!!! This is all part of your brain re-wiring itself!!! It takes time!!! You are getting close to a major milestone to. Even tho I don't attend AA very often these days F2F, I've seen grown men cry at about 11 months & at 18 months too.

You may not like AA the God stuff, but many people think of God as Good Orderly Direction & use the group as their Higher Power & all groups there have a diff dynamic. I can tell you if I was going to bust, cave I'd go sit my ass down in an AA meeting a Smart recovery meeting, as sometimes F2F with other True Alkies like I am & think you may be also ( not sure) b4 I pick up that first fecking drink, that will send this alkie right back to"Alcohol Hell". Today I'm willing to do anything to protect my sobriety!!! Believe me I've been to hell more times than I care to remember, yet glad I do. My hubs rarely drinks & has lived thru this shite with me.

Go visit pg# 20 of Tool Box thread here at MWO under Monthly Abbers, there are some very vivid Pictures of great reminders of just how awful it is. Posted by a wonderful woman SV. There are also some other grrt things there a junkies guide reminder, along with other grrt tips & survival tools.

I also have worn a rubber band around my wrist snapped it to get myself back to reality, put L-Glutmate under tongue, eaten chocolate, carbs. Practiced H.A.L.T, Hungrty, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Urged ~ Surfed. sat in a quiet place & tried to figure out where it's coming from & not fight it! Just let it happen & know it will pass. Yes, exercise will help release those endorphins, hit or scream into a pillow. Maybe have a good blood lab done. Hope you have coverage, tho just now see your in UK so think you should have health Ins.

Listen to music, take good vitamins with supplemental amino acids, including a good B-100 time released. Also the All In One everyone says is good. I haven't had a chance to compare to Green Vibrance powder which my youngest daughter says is good & taking. I'm going to invest in a decent blender. Not a juicer as I want to keep the pulp, seeds, skin, etc. Can't afford Vitamix one, but did research this summer that the Ninja pro is 1100 or 1200 series is better than Magic bullet as the inner parts are better. I read forums & an independent study. So many of us didn't take good care of our diets while drinking for many yrs. I'm 50 now & need to get back to better health.

Look you & I both know if we drink even one we will wake up the fecking dragon that's sleeping & this shite will take us back to hell. I promise you that you can ride it out just like you did with your fizzie drinks. Stay close even if you just post once a day, or every other day! I've found over my drinking career this fecker wants to kill me. It's powerful at times it talks to me. It's the only disease that tells me I don't have one. It's powerful, cunning & baffling. I know one drink & I'm going to be right back to hell within the month. Then will I be able to get back to sobriety? I can honestly say as hard as it is sometimes, it's easier to stay quit!!! It's so hard to stop again, once the dragon is awake. I'll take 70% over being drunk all the time, or buzzing & not thinking straight, lieing, hiding, being depressed, poisoning myself, & the negative list go's on. The benefits of sobriety far outweigh any puking & all the other shite that comes with being a drunk.

I know I've got another drunk in me 199, but I honestly don't think I've got another recovery in me this time. I'm rambling now, but if I think of more. I'll be back. I care!!! I don't want to see you go under!! I bet you & your wife don't want this to happen either. Ride it out, stay here with us!!! Get help, support, skills from other places too if ya want!!!!...

The dragon isn't going ta get ya!!! :-) Feck no. " Not One ~ Not Ever ~ No Matter What ~ No Matter Who!" " One Day At A Time"

You remind me a lot of me!! We are so lucky that we are aware of the truth about this, that we've accepted it!!! That we are sober & not still drinking, hiding it, & running!!!... We are free!!!! We aren't in that prison any more!!!! There's nothing glamorous about being a drunk 199 it's all a lie. Even those who aren't in hell, who aren't drinking so much. What a fabrication. I've done it all with alcohol. Except, that I'm still alive & relatively somehow in good health. I know the facts & truth about alcohol!!... I'm so grateful I woke up & have been given this opportunity to get it right, to live!....You don't have to be a falling down homeless person either. Bless those poor souls too!!!....

We can have grrt time here at MWO. Maybe read the funny section here, if ya have time. :H This will pass. Look to be grateful, your perception & attitude about this will help. Of course if you've got medical issues & I do think your neuro pathways are re-wiring, this is likely a biggie now, but you will Survive & Be Victorious!!!......

Love,:h

WF :l

[Doggygirl]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

Hi 199. Glad you made it through the cravings and just rode it out. "Playing the tape" out to the end (considering the consequences, hangovers, problems, etc.) is a great strategy IMO. That is something I do as well if the "glamourized" thoughts of "a drink" (hahaha when did I ever really want "A" drink anyway??) come around.

Those types of thoughts have continued to get less frequent and less intense as I have moved forward with more and more sober time under my belt. I hope it works that same way for you too. I also think I always need to be wary - a random drinking thought is likely to cross my mind from time to time. I need to remain vigilent and clear that it will NEVER be a good idea to act on thoughts like that.

Congrats on 300 days - that is awesome!!! Going forward in your sober life will be a lot easier than going backward (aka relapse / drinking again) would be!!!

DG

[199days]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

Ty so much wf and dg ! At work will reply later , you have helped so much .

[Byrdlady]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

199, I have read your posts over the months, and each time I read one, I thought..."Dam Right!". You think a lot like I do. I am about 22 months sober, and I STILL get the grand slam every now and again!!! This is the power of addiction!!! It is lying dorment just under the surface and is looking for any opportunity to catch you at a weak moment. You know how to think this thru, your ALCOHELL analogy is a classic around here. It just takes a little time to work around the thoughts, but just go back and read your own posts, or BETTER YET, spend some time in the Newbie's Nest and you will see contstant reminders of what AL does. Your craving will pass.....You will never have 2 bad days in a row... AND, you'll be stronger next time it happens. RIDE IT OUT and dig your heels in and say NO, HELL NO! AL will NOT take one more day of my life! We are all by your side!! Byrdie

[199days]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

Just read through all your posts again and really want to say THANK YOU to you all !

Today has been ok, always not to bad when I am working

Been thinking it all through , again.

Its a win win situation, I look better , have lost 2 stone, for the first time in 25 years I get real deep amazing sleep, I have more money the list goes on...

But its the living life raw and real which although I am getting glimpses of real greatness has been very difficult, along with very strong cravings which can come on at a whim I suppose my brain is re wiring, from the age of 15 till 44 I have used alcoHELL at every social occasion, in all that time apart from a couple of mini quits I have been drinking or suffering when not drinking through hangovers, in all my late teens/adult life there have been zero spells of clarity and sobriety , really very sad. I was not a down and out drinker just very bad binge drinker then I started drinking wine at home alone about 11 years ago and it got worse (volume wise). EVERYTHING negative or bad that has happened in my life has been when I have been drinking and I mean everything, wedding day drunk , every holiday drunk, every social occasion drunk ffs. No I am going to plough on through this rocky patch, no way am I going back to that , I have to give myself and brain more time to get wired to this new and real way of life.

Sober Xmas, yes I am looking forward to waking up fresh all through the holidays, I may even go running on boxing day morning

I am going to read what has been suggested to me and once again thank you, you have really helped me this weekend.

[199days]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

Week later, cravings have settled, 310 days today Want this first year so badly.

[199days]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

Aww, thanks Molly

[kuya]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

Well done 199,

Thank you for sharing this with us. It is vital that those in earlier sobriety (me!) realise the future UPS and DOWNS so they don't bite us in the arse later.

:thanks:

[Wildflowers]

Over 300 days and Brutal cravings today..

199days;1413631 wrote: Week later, cravings have settled, 310 days today Want this first year so badly.

199, I'm so happy to hear your cravings are passing!!!..... You will get your One Year AF Anniversary & More!!!! No Stopping After That!!!!

It would just be a different day, same story, same shite with '"Alcohol Hell". I drank in my teens, binged in twenties. Hell, I've been to China, the moon, mars & back. Visited some very dark, strange foreign planets from 45-50. It gets worse out there!!!! Alcoholism is reoccurring & progressive!!!! It doesn't take long to start back right where a person left off, then progresses from there. I've read & heard countless F2F stories through the yrs, I being one of them.

Off ta take a look around. Haven't had much time as of late.

Your doing fantastic 199!!!! Never give into that feckin Dragon!!!! I love how your keeping it real & honest. That's what living is.

"One Day At A Time". :l You Rock!!! ))))