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[kuya]

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JackieM;1420448 wrote: Kuya-
I worked catering a party tonight where alcohol was served. It was the people who had a soda or water that impressed me. I caught myself fantasizing about being the sober person who remembers the whole party and can drive home without worries.
I have been able to go long periods without alcohol. I guess I was more of a "dry drunk" and not really working on being sober though. I just didn't drink. I need to realize that actual sobriety is different from not drinking and takes a lot of work. I guess the hard part is realizing you are worth it.

Finding our self worth can be so hard and you are right to see that, rather than abstention, as the real work.

That is 'in sight'

[Kimberley]

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Great thoughts from Kuya. I agree.

Wow - you managed 5 years sober Jackie - that's amazing. You are right, there is not much point in dwelling on the mistake too much when you can't change it. It's time to plan how to get your sobriety back and start working on your recovery.

Start thinking about the next step and how you're going to make a happy, sober life. I haera lot of people saying that a major switch is the point where they are grateful for being sober and happy to live life like that. That's certainly true for me.

Well done on getting back to MWO and asking for support - that's an important step Oh, and you ARE worth it!! Totally!!

[Struggles 106]

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Hey Jackie

You said that you could never drink a "reasonable" amount of alcohol, but what is reasonable? An amount that doesn't make you drunk?

I think there is no such thing for us. I think that once the first one is done all bets are off. At least that is my situation.

It took me a long time to see that not drinking is not the worst thing in the world. The wrost thing in the world is waiting around the corner if I drink again.

And you are right , you can only go forward. Use it as a lesson. I resisted figuring out how and why I would drink again. It is a struggle, a real conscious effort to live sober. But I think it gets less so as you start feeling better and seeing more clearly.

Don't beat yourself up> You are STILL OK. Onward! Stay strong!

[JackieM]

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Thank you Ann&Kim for your input. I have started taking all my supplements again and am gonna get a workout in tomorrow. I know that exercising will make me feel a lot better.
I have also ordered Campral and want to try taking that. I did pretty well with Topamax a few years back. I really feel like I need an extra nudge to get going this time.

[Struggles 106]

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Hey Jackie

How are you doing? I hope you are hanging in there. Stick around and read stuff here.
We are actually a special group-people who struggle with addiction to alcohol, people who recognize how bad it is and are at least TRYING.

Just keep trying. Hang on each day as much as you can. Don't beat yourself up.
It's amazing how we can push the reality to the back of our minds and drink again. Just push away the thoughts of blackouts,hangovers,shame,guilt etc etc.
I've read a lot here about thinking it through, and that is what I try to so also.
THINK, consciously, about where that first drink is PROBABLY going to take you. You cannot deny that you know how it will go.
I am really just speaking from my own experience, and I'm sure a lot of people here would agree. The first few drinks might feel OK, and bring on the loosy-goosy giddiness, but after that it's all downhill. It just gets more stupid with each drink.

I am being a bit selfish in writing this because it helps me think it through. Another reason I suppose that keeping a journal is helpful. If the thoughts are clear enough to write down then they are clear enough to help you stop.

Hang in there and stick around

[mya]

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Where did you purchase Campral? Would like get some myself, can't go to dr here such a small town

[Alcoholic]

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Jackie:
Good luck w campral! You also did well on topamax before so you have a back up med.

I agree that it sounds like by the history you give one drink will lead to another so avoiding that first drink is so crucial. You had such a long AF time you definitely can do it! Please stay close and be an inspiration to the rest of us!

[JackieM]

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mya-
I purchased the Campral from River Pharmacy. I will let you know how it goes.
I am hoping it will straighten my brain out a bit as I have a bad anxiety problem and I know it contributes to my drinking.

[kdog]

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Jackie, I too have been prescribed campral, but I need to look for a job, would you have to list that on drugs during a drug test?
Kdog

[kdog]

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Jackie, So sorry very rude of me not to welcome you and hope you are doing well. I completely understand the rollarcoaster ride, I've been on it for a long time and can only pray this will be my last. I hope your journey goes well too!
Kdog

[mya]

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Thanks I also ordered from River today. Let's keep in touch

[paulywogg]

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let me know how the campral worx,ive had the bottle in my medicine cabinet since march!

[JackieM]

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I'm not sure whether or not you would have to list on a drug test..there is quite a bit of information on the drug if you search online. It's not a narcotic so it doesn't seem likely anyone would be tested for it.
I'll let ya know how it goes for me.

[JackieM]

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Ann-
I think writing things down is a great way to work things out. Sometimes I feel better after writing than I would if I would have talked to someone.
I am doing better than I was a few days ago. I even dragged my lazy ass to the gym today. I have a couple challenges to hurdle this weekend as far as drinking goes so I'm just gonna have to hang tough.

[kdog]

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Thank you Jackie, good job on the work out, am feeling great today too, for now. I know we all have our moments and the weekend evenings are the worst for me anyways! Lord knows I have drank enough herbal tea, I may turn green at any moment. Good luck and keep strong.
Kdog