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    #1

    Is anyone around here today?

    Back at square one......again. I so identified with Struggles, and responded, but realized that I was a few days late from being out on my own bender. God, what is it going to take!? I'm so sick of the constant failure. Ten days here, six there, another ten. But it seems that each bender gets worse, after a short period of sobriety. Like making up for the 'lost' Af days. Going through hell again. The withdrawals just get worse and worse. I believe it's taking a greater and greater toll.

    Can't take much more of this. I hate to keep coming back, having failed, yet again. Please don't condemn me. Any prayers would be greatly appreciated. I feel like it's going to take a miracle or an act of God, to help me. I just can't seem to manage anything on my own. I'm so glad to have MWO to come to but I'm sure people are getting sick of my constant recurring failure. God, just to get through the rest of this horrific day!
    AF since 12/2/12
    http://hamsnetwork.org/taper/
    Tags: None
    #2
    Is anyone around here today?

    hi almost free,im right there with you chickie,10 days sober,a week,4 days on and off,again and again.I really cannot figure myself out,last nite i didnt even want to drink,but i figured since i had drank the nite before,why not have a few?dumb,not drunk but still why even bother? Part of the reason i keep going off is i dont feel amazing when i quit,i feel shittier! unrelenting brain fog,irritability,insomnia the worx. Who knows if we can beat this crap,imntired of trying sometimes truthfully,its good to hear from you again,well get thru it,it may just take us more time.
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

    Comment

      #3
      Is anyone around here today?

      You are NOT condemned here. You just need help. I don't know you Almost Free but your post seems very sincere, like you want to quit but you haven't really put your foot down and said "no, I am not going to drink." You were kinda sorta trying half way. It's very telling that you say you can't seem to manage anything on my own. Ok. Get help then. Find someone to stay with you or bother you all the time. Maybe you're a loner. Go to the doctor. Get the supplements that people talk about. I don't know much about them. I take Antabuse as do several people here. That's getting serious. I don't cheat. I take the pills and they will make me very very sick if I drink anything. That means socially I must abstain or not go out. Get the alcohol out of your house. My husband took it all out for me. It's gone. Nothing in the cupboard, nothing in the fridge. That helped a lot. We're here for you but you have to decide to do something about this yourself. Get through the withdrawal period and then get a plan and keep checking in. We're pulling for you but you have to do some of this work yourself if you are serious about it.
      good thoughts to you
      ~nurdl
      :notes:
      we are human beings with alcohol problems not alcoholics with problems caused by drinking

      Comment

        #4
        Is anyone around here today?

        Hi Paulwogg! There ya go Almost. Sounds like Pauly is in the same place. Do this together. I'm at 88 days AF believe me IT GETS BETTER!!! The brain fog goes away, I sleep like a rock, no more night sweats. I wouldn't start up again just because of the night sweats. I would soak my night clothes 2 - 3 times a night. It does get better and look at all the peeps here celebrating 90 days, 100, 120 days. A year! You can both do this!
        ~n
        :notes:
        we are human beings with alcohol problems not alcoholics with problems caused by drinking

        Comment

          #5
          Is anyone around here today?

          Almost free and Pauly:
          Sorry to hear its been tough. Have you tried writing down previous methods that helped you not to drink, and the methods that failed to work? When I go on mwo, I bought most supps, got a few rx med just in case then posted crazily constantly. Then one by one, what method didn't work I dropped. I am doing well w l glut and kudzu.
          Alcoholic (or Ally)

          "Only a fool knows everything.
          A wise man knows how little he knows."

          Please feel free to block/ignore my posts through your control panel.

          Comment

            #6
            Is anyone around here today?

            redefining success

            Hi Almost Free,
            Can you tell us more about how much you have been drinking?
            And the 10 days, six days etc. how close are they together? How much are you able to abstain per month. These are successes. Do you have self-esteem issues generally or are you posting this message at a time of a hangover which is making you see things in a more negative light than they are?

            What are your triggers?

            Comment

              #7
              Is anyone around here today?

              Hi Alcoholic, paulywogg, nurdl,

              Thanks for responding. I actually had to go lay down for a while, lay my head down. I posted once before, a while back, that I had a very comprehensive plan, during my two years of sobriety. Daily AA meetings, a sponsor, a phone list, Big Book, leading meetings, helping others. In addition I changed my whole diet, took most of the supps recommended by 'Seven Weeks to Sobriety', plus, drinking a green organic certified beverage every morning to help detox and make up for the damage from AL.

              So what the heck happened?

              I just think that after two years, of non-stop familly stress, etc., I started eating a lot more sugar, (having lost a total of 49lbs I didn't worry about my weight) So I thought I could slack off with the sugar. And that led me back to the alcohol cravings. That, and the thought that I just wanted a 'break' from sobriety and since I had gotten sober once, I could do it again. Well, not so easy to get it back. Been struggling ever since.

              Right now there is an extreme amount of stress, plus I'm am in a strange place, without any familiar support, no friends and separated from my husband. Stress, lonliness, isolation and nothing but the family situation (with my son) heading over a cliff. It's been my only consolation, for long, lonely stressful days. I have started attending a women's AA meeting, but still don't know anybody and feel like an outsider at this point. Hope that will change. Need to also get back on the regimen of supplements, etc.
              AF since 12/2/12
              http://hamsnetwork.org/taper/

              Comment

                #8
                Is anyone around here today?

                Hi Nancy,

                The days I get together, since joining MWO are usually broken by a three to four day bender. No doubt things are incredibly bleak on day 1. I usually used to bounce back much more quickly, but I'm finding the withdrawals getting worse and lasting longer. No doubt because of increased damage to my body as well as being older. I'm packing on the weight again (all alcohol related) and beginning to let myself go. Glad my husband is not here to see it right now.
                AF since 12/2/12
                http://hamsnetwork.org/taper/

                Comment

                  #9
                  Is anyone around here today?

                  Almost free: you can do it then! If you did it before, then you can do it again! When you are well, look back to see where you could have done differently but right now, focus on today and what you already know how to do !!!! I believe in you!
                  Alcoholic (or Ally)

                  "Only a fool knows everything.
                  A wise man knows how little he knows."

                  Please feel free to block/ignore my posts through your control panel.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Is anyone around here today?

                    too hard on yourself?

                    I think you are being too hard on yourself. Read back through your posts as if they were written by a stranger.

                    My bible these days is Heart of Addiction by Lance Dodes.

                    When those feelings of wanting a drink come around due to loneliness, how else could you handle it? Try listing 10 possibilities/ideas in your next post.

                    Is there anyone from this site you could call?

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Is anyone around here today?

                      every failure

                      is a learning experience.

                      Taking cues from the Dodes book, when does the idea of drinking again first enter your mind? That's the "key moment", Dodes says. You need to identify that and answer the need more directly.
                      What stressor, what does it mean to you?
                      What better way could you handle it before the urge is overwhelming?

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Is anyone around here today?

                        Thanks Ally and Nancy, for all the encouragement and good advice. I am going to the library tomorrow and will see if I can get the Heart of Addiction by Lance Dodes. I am currently reading Freedom from Addiction by Deepak Chopra, but haven't made much headway in the last few days. Need to run out, but NOT for booze. I'll say good night to all, and thanks again for all of your kind suggestions and encouragement Bless all of you!
                        AF since 12/2/12
                        http://hamsnetwork.org/taper/

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Is anyone around here today?

                          Almost..... The slipping and sliding are now an established habit and is common when peeps relapse. It is due to the biochemistry going on in your brain.

                          The FEAR of this keeps me sober but for you now you have to REALLY accept that you have lost the off switch ...... Forever. I hate the idea too, I don't like anything dictating to me but this is just good ole plain reality, and I can no more control it than I can control the sun rising.

                          Like me, if you continue this pattern of drinking you will die young and you will have a miserable life between now and then............ Every time you lift a glass or bottle to your mouth accept that it contains embalming fluid, your embalming fluid.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Is anyone around here today?

                            Oh, almost free, if you can get a copy of eckart tolle's a new world (I think that's what it is called) it's also great!!!!
                            Alcoholic (or Ally)

                            "Only a fool knows everything.
                            A wise man knows how little he knows."

                            Please feel free to block/ignore my posts through your control panel.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Is anyone around here today?

                              Thanks Ally, will check out that book as well.

                              Kuya, that is one powerful visual: drinking as our embalming fluid. Certainly true. Maybe that horrible thought will give me pause in the future. Even envisioning a skull and cross bones didn't help. Maybe because there is some self destructive element involved. But the enbalming fluid. That truly is scary to me. I hope to never forget that image again. Also the notion that we lack the 'off' switch when it comes to alcohol. We just have to really ACCEPT that at a deep level. No toying with 'controlled' drinking. Thanks everyone for your help. Bless all, and good night to all.
                              AF since 12/2/12
                              http://hamsnetwork.org/taper/

                              Comment

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