Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

[emwv712]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

I was just starting to feel better and am hoping to avoid the anti-depressants, if I can. However, in the meantime, I got an anonymous message from someone on another forum (not here at MWO), which has me absolutely terrified all over again:

by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2013 at 12:42 PM
I have this acquaintaince who was a very heavy drink (drank nightly and drank on the weekends in excess). She drank like this up until she was 8 weeks pregnant when she finally found out. Her son was born with a cleft pallete as well as a few other less noticeable deformaties, has been diagnosed with FAS, is developmentally slow in everything from growth to speach, and he struggles with illness (something about his immune system).

Don't kid yourself, there is a chance that your child will be born with problems because of your drinking. But don't beat yourself up, either, because the added stress isn't good for you or for baby.

Best of luck.

Please note that I did not edit this person's message for typos.

How can I read that and feel okay about the drinking that I did? Yes, I did not drink up until 8 weeks, but I did drink to extreme excess (the now infamous 2 bottles of wine and a beer night) when I was exactly 4 weeks from my last cycle.

If it can happen to the anonymous person's acquaintance, why am I crazy to think that it is happening to me and my child?

[ATLThrash]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

She drank for 8 weeks!! That person is a beast for sending that-- "don't kid yourself"-- that is not a person who wants to simply impart information-- that is inflammatory phrasing. Your top consumption was on one occasion what I drank probably 7 times and my doctor did not go ape and after about 2 weeks neither did I and I am an anal retentive worrying attorney of all things!! Please do not listen to that-- I know it is hard but it is not productive

[emwv712]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

ATLThrash, you zeroed in right on the words that hit me between the eyes. "Don't kid yourself." I think that is what has been bothering me over the last few weeks, that if I focus on "maybe" having a healthy baby, I am just plugging my ears and ignoring the salient reality that heavy drinking causes birth defects, period.

I have heard positive and reassuring stories from women who drank (and drank heavily at times) before they knew, and I really just wanted to focus on their stories about their healthy children. Then this. "Don't kid yourself," exactly what I am afraid of doing.

ATLThrash;1474155 wrote: She drank for 8 weeks!! That person is a beast for sending that-- "don't kid yourself"-- that is not a person who wants to simply impart information-- that is inflammatory phrasing. Your top consumption was on one occasion what I drank probably 7 times and my doctor did not go ape and after about 2 weeks neither did I and I am an anal retentive worrying attorney of all things!! Please do not listen to that-- I know it is hard but it is not productive

[K9Lover]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

emwv -

There are NO guarantees in life. Period. Let's say you drank throughout your entire pregnancy, that's still no guarantee your baby would have any defects or FAS. People have smoked their whole lives and never gotten lung cancer. NOTHING IS FOR SURE. I drank before I knew I was pregnant...and A LOT. My daughter is happy, healthy and too smart for her own good (and mine...lol). Just because there is a chance of something, does not mean it's going to happen. You should relax and look forward to the arrival of your baby! :h

[ATLThrash]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

Em-- heavy drinking MAY cause birth defects. The person who wrote you had a story that was dissimilar to yours but you are quite determined to make it identical. Numerous posters here drank more than you did and had healthy babies. I was one of them. Yes, for the first week or two after finding I was pregnant I was concerned about it. But my OB, who is one of the top fertility OBs in the country was quite reassuring. You seem determined to believe that this baby will have problems in the face of any reassurances or evidence that it won't. There are no guarantees as K9 said but if you are so convinced of a bad outcome I believe that you may be seeking some validation to not go through with the pregnancy--and I have no judgment on that--but in constantly seeking stories of a bad outcome it seems you are uncertain as to whether you want to go forward. I wish you luck and I hope it all goes well

[Yiggie210]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

Em, ATL and K9 are right. There are no guarantees in life. But coming from people that have admittedly consumed a lot more alcohol than you did during our pregnancies, you have every reason to believe that your baby will be just fine. As it's been mentioned numerous times before, FAS has so many other contributing factors that DO NOT apply to your scenario. The stress and worry you're putting on your baby is just as bad as your drinking was believe it or not. Remember that little baby is feeling everything you are. Try to think positive. Positive thoughts create positive realities. As far as your Dr. Doom goes, I think we've all had one. I know Kradle and I both had a doctor like that for sure. According to my first OB, the ecstasy pill that I did alone was going to cause permanent, irreversible brain damage and severe birth defects. He told me to see a psychiatrist and to seriously consider a termination. I took Kradle's advice and sought a different doctor, a midwife to be specific, and was much happier with her. She walked me through all the procedures and what we'd be testing for. Her support, and all the negative results of course, made me so much happier about everything. I know it's hard hunny, but try and stay positive. Believe or not it will get easier with time (and with ultrasounds!!). Keep your head up, and start thinking less about worries, and more about names!! That part was much harder than I ever thought it would be lol!

Hugs,
Theresa

[ATLThrash]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

Well said Y. Lots of studies on the effect of depression on baby during pregnancy ( and I don't mean taking antidepressants)-- not sure how valid they are of course but that stress is not good for mom and baby. Em--I was over 35 on my first pregnancy ( career gal and all that jazz) so my doc chose to wait and do the amino on me but I know there are tests that can be done ( and are often done) in younger women -- my sisters first pregnancy was at 32 and I think they come at 11 or 12 week- Yiggie may have referred to them-- I know one part of them has an instance of some false positives for one of the genetic diseases at times but then they just take it and do another test to make sure it's not an error-- this happened to my sister-- she has 2 healthy awesome boys. The early testing and ultrasounds made it all more real to her and might to you. I would think you would be there soon -- are you about 9 weeks or so? I'm sorry if you've said.

[drinkingal]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

em, at some point you have realize that all of this stress and worry isn't achieving anything for you or your baby. It won't change what is done and won't help anything. Once you realize how pointless it is, you just have to let it go and move forward. The older you get the more you come to realize that so many things in life are beyond our control, and as others have said, there are no guarantees in life. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith, give it up to god, or the universe or nature and let it unfold. The reality is that all of this stressing may be for nothing because there is a very good chance your baby will be completely healthy, so putting yourself and your baby through this for the rest of your pregnancy a)won't change anything, and b)isn't healthy. If you stop stressing about it, stop reading horror stories, stop looking for a guarantee, you will be in a much better place to nurture yourself and your unborn baby. Sometimes we try so hard to control an outcome that is simply not up to us, and even if you didn't drink there would still be no guarantees. The time to worry about the worse case scenario is if and when it happens, because some times things really do just turn out fine

[emwv712]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

I really have been feeling better about the pregnancy, and after consulting with a perinatal specialist, I decided that the anti-depressants are an extreme move at this point. I think I can find a way to maintain a better balance during the pregnancy.

I started asking online about women who drank before they knew they were pregnant because I was not sure what to do - to terminate the pregnancy or not. As I have gotten further into this, I have realized that ending this pregnancy would end my marriage. My husband and I have talked about this a lot, and he believes strongly that termination would only be an option where the baby's health or my health were clearly at risk. The risks from drinking (at times heavily) through 4 weeks of pregnancy are risks, but they are not "clear." With my anxiety disorder (which I've had for years, apparently), any risk seemed like too much, but that is not rational and seems increasingly like a bad reason to terminate. (Every pregnancy has some risks. And other than the heavy drinking, I am relatively healthy and still somewhat "young.")

I also had an ultrasound this week (I am now 9 weeks along). The fetal growth was right on target, and the heart beat was good (160 I believe).

Since the anonymous message about the woman who drank until 8 weeks and had a baby with FAS, I have not completely slid back to where I was. However, I still feel like I am missing one piece of the puzzle.

If this is asking too much, I understand, but Ms. Anonymous has me wondering- - - has anyone ever heard of any woman who drank until 4 weeks into a pregnancy who had a child with fetal alcohol syndrome or fetal alcohol effects?

I am not looking for this information to scare myself. I still know that there are risks, and I know that there is a chance that we (the baby and I) could still be fine. If anything, it would be nice to know that I was not completely crazy for no reason.

[ATLThrash]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

Em-- I am not saying it doesn't exist but I have not heard of it. You were not bombed all day every day of the 4 weeks. Also-- you know how basically when you are 1 day pregnant you really are 1 month because they count from the date of your last period and not date of conception ( always thought that was so weird). I was technically 6 weeks i think when I was plowed in Mexico all week at the all inclusive and my baby was fine!! You'll find tons of women here that did not know at 4 weeks and drank a lot and their babies did not have FAS

[Wagoneer]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

As a mother of three healthy wonderful girls and one that drank before I knew I was pregnant, you need to stop looking for things that will scare you. Too much information is a bad thing when pregnant. You are missing out on the joy of being pregnant and carrying this little kid inside you and feeling it grow! You have had the ultrasound, the baby is right on target, and you need to STOP. You are creating anxiety for yourself and your husband. Stress is worse for the baby than anything. It seems like you are looking for reasons to worry. Stop it. I don't mean to sound rude, but you need to calm down for your baby and your self. You have been reassured over and over again, but you keep on looking for something to fret about. I don't get it.

[ATLThrash]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

Em-- you really are looking at this backwards. You act as if its a foregone conclusion that something will be wrong with the baby and only a chance that it will be okay. If the facts are as you described, there is every chance the baby will be fine and little chance it won't ( drom the drinking). Obviously I don't know every mom and every baby but I know my experience and the experience of tons of other moms. At this point, like waggy, I really have to question if you are looking for someone to tell you that for certain the baby is damaged so don't have it because you're so worried. I know that sounds harsh but that's how it's coming across.

[emwv712]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

To be honest, the reason I keep asking is because I am having a difficult time trusting my doctor (the specialist who told me that he could not quantify the risk of the baby being harmed from heavy drinking at 4 weeks). He told me that there were cases of women who drank as I did whose children were harmed as a result of the drinking.

If the general consensus is that drinking early in pregnancy, before you know, is probably not a problem- why would the doctor have said that there were cases where women did what I did and harmed their children as a result? I've tried doing research to find out more about this issue, but the general response has been "it was too early, you are fine."

At this point, I have decided to keep the baby and really am not as anxious as I once was. To be honest, I wonder if I should just sack the specialist, if he's scaring me over nothing.

[ATLThrash]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

He doesn't want to be sued!! Even if you were 100% perfect he would never tell you all would be well. That is the nature of medical doctors. I assume you are in the US. I am in the US but my doctor is experienced enough that he just was not going to worry me like that. His name is Hilton Kort. You can google him to see he is legit. The bottom line is this guy will be delivering your baby which is a huge life event. If you don't like or trust him that is a reason to look elsewhere. Other docs may tell you they can't say all will be well but if he is dwelling on it then you might want to look elsewhere. The fact is that you are young-- not somewhat young but a perfect age for a first baby. If you have no other health conditions I see NO REASON why you should be dwelling on this!! So many folks have drank much more. I could go into when the umbilical cord attaches and all that to make you feel even better. But the fact is you have got to work to manage this stress!!

[ATLThrash]

Heavy Drinking During First Month of Pregnancy

By the way, Em, just to clarify-- Dr Kort was my reassuring OB who helped me conceive my son and did not blink an eye about the Mexican drinking extravaganza. Sadly Dr Kort passed away a couple of years ago-- but he was a wise man-- and totally legit! The OB who took over after my 11 week check up and release from Kort also was reassuring-- so I think you will be fine