Dont Know What To Do!

[Doggygirl]

Dont Know What To Do!

Hi Stevo. You still around? I'm glad you came here to get more information about drinking problems to help you decide what to do. Great comments here so far. A couple of things...

* Drinking to the point a person doesn't remember what they've done is "blackout drinking" and that is NOT a good sign. Blackout drinking is a sign of a significant alcohol problem.

* Telling you "come have ONE drink with me, or I will drink TEN on my own" is clear manipulation. Playing into that type of stuff is unlikely to help.

* If you decide to stay with her, educate yourself on "enabling" - what it is and how not to engage in it. It's not as easy to avoid as you might think.

* The road to recovery from alcohol dependence is a bumpy one. It is bound to be fraught with all manner of difficult and emotionally draining situations. Are you ready for that?

* If she DOES decide to quit drinking, it is very likely she will have to avoid social situations around other drinkers for quite a long time. Are you ready to support her in that? And I don't mean she goes along and drinks club soda while you drink with friends. I mean are you willing to really change your social life radically if she decides to try to stop and you decide to stay with her?

Like so many others who have posted here, I have been your girlfriend. I know the kind of self delusional thinking she is probably going through in defense of the idea that she is "not that bad" (with her drinking). That is all part of the process on the long road.

Good luck!

DG

[K9Lover]

Dont Know What To Do!

stevo213;1480685 wrote: ....but soemthing inside me wants to help and doesnt want to loose her.....its driving me crazy.

You CANNOT save her...I repeat, CANNOT. Only she can save herself.

I wasted 7 years trying to "save" someone and we are not together anymore.

Get out while you can. Sorry to be harsh but don't learn the hard way and waste all that time and regret it later.

Hope you're well.

[Hippyman]

Dont Know What To Do!

K9Lover;1484198 wrote: You CANNOT save her...I repeat, CANNOT. Only she can save herself.

I wasted 7 years trying to "save" someone and we are not together anymore.

Get out while you can. Sorry to be harsh but don't learn the hard way and waste all that time and regret it later.

Hope you're well.

I agree with Winkie. If she doesn't want to help herself then it's best that you go on with your life without her. I agree...LEAVE!

[Kradle123]

Dont Know What To Do!

stevo213;1480685 wrote: Well......again im humbled by all the responses!

Since the weekend and when i told her i would help her etc, we sort of havent talked about it. She has started going to the gym straight after her work, but something deep down in me thinks shes drinking and not going to the gym, this is driving me crazy.

She asked me to meet her for a glass of wine after her gym session the other day and i said no way, what about what you said on the weekend blah blah and she said i wasnt being supportive etc etc. She said if i was with her she would only drink 1 glass instead of the 10 vodkas thats on her mind to drink.

I dont know what to do, do i refuse to go with her then run the risk of her drinking alone or do i go with her to keep an eye on her????

If im being honest i feel not like a real man...i should be standing up to this and not posting on a forum for strangers to tell me what to do. I have friends who wouldnt stand for any of this and would tell her to pack her bags and go....but soemthing inside me wants to help and doesnt want to loose her.....its driving me crazy.

My dear Steveo,

Multiply the way you sound in this post by 100 and you will be looking at your life for the next blank number of years...Leave....Now...

PS: Hate to throw this word in there but you sound a bit...ahem...Co-dependent.

:l

[K9Lover]

Dont Know What To Do!

Also, I couldn't agree more with what Byrdie said. You gave her the choice of YOU or ALCOHOL....AND SHE CHOSE ALCOHOL. 'Nuff said!!!

You deserve more than this relationship can offer.

[wobblehead]

Dont Know What To Do!

Hello Stevo,

Take a long deep breath. The answer you're looking for lies within yourself. Yes, you can take all the very many words coming your way, but ultimately it's really quite simple. You, and you alone, knows the answer (methinks deep down you do know already). And breathe........... Found it?

[stevo213]

Dont Know What To Do!

Why do i do this to myself??????

Had friends from back home stay this weekend at our apartment she decided to go out with her friends and come home absolutely wasted at 6am....and guess what she started to kick off again!!!!

The next day i woke up early with my friends and we decided to go out she then woke up calling me rude and blah blah blah.....so for the rest of the day was recieveing texts etc on how were breaking up, i dont treat her right blah blah, by which time i can tell shes drinking again.

So sat night my friends go out at which time shes apparently leaving me etc...anyway she comes home a 3am and guess what.....she kicks off again!!!!

My friends leave the following morning and remember ive known these guys since i was 10yrs old, im now 32 and they say get rid of her!!!!!

so that was Sunday night.....monday comes and i havent said a word to her, i come to work and we chat generally over skype i tell her what she did etc etc and again shes apologetc and embarrased, but this time she can tell ive had enough and cries and begs for one more chance......


Like an idiot ive said yes......I know its gonna kick off this weekend, next weekend, or whenever she drinks again....she said she is gonna stop, but hand on heart i dont see it!

More fool me i suppose!!!!

[kuya]

Dont Know What To Do!

Really? .......you would seem to be more than co dependant! What you are exhibiting now is masochism, not love.

You seem to be enjoying the excitement......perhaps it is the attention you are getting from this forum......

Anyway....this is my first and last observation.........get out

[K9Lover]

Dont Know What To Do!

Steveo,
Just remember, all this DRAMA you are going through is by CHOICE...YOURS!!! You need to look after yourself. Yes, you may care about (even love) this girl, but until she helps herself, there is NOTHING you can do, except keep your word and leave her like you keep threatening to do. It's not easy, but it may be what she needs to wake up and stop this nonsense.
Good luck,
K9

[sugarbeat]

Dont Know What To Do!

Steveo
You know what that girl sounds alot like me, but we were in a long term relationship, very much in love, having known me before the drink stole me away.

He left me eventually, which broke my heart at the time but christ I was a mess and a mess for along time after (which was in no way his fault) and by the time he left me his confidence was shot too. I promised I'd change, I promised I'd stop and I meant it, I lied to him, I lied to myself, alcohol is a baffling master.

In hindsight from the bottom of my heart, he was dead right, and I'm sorry for all I put him through. He's doing great now, thank God Once upon a time I couldn't have imagined saying this but LEAVE, you never know what will happen in the future if she sorts herself out, but she needs to go into recovery, and that's another ball game altogether.

Both of you have the possibility of a bright future together or apart and the quicker you step into action how ever hard it may seem, the less the pain will be in the long term.

Sugar

PS. You've shown me how far I've come since those dark days to able to see the situation like this, and I thank you for that reminder

[Wagoneer]

Dont Know What To Do!

You sound like a masochist. I know, I was one for 11 years. GET OUT. Stop this cycle. She clearly loves being wasted more than she loves being in a relationship. No one can fix anyone else. Just get out.

[Kradle123]

Dont Know What To Do!

Don't Leave, Steveo...RUN !