hate to say it..

[Cleo Night]

I was doing well..I spent couple weeks tapering down from up to 20 a day to 3 then none. I started on mult vitamins, campril etc. I went several days no alcohol...now..had a relapse. And more than that..hurt myself today (literally). Not something I have done before.
I am single mother, have 3 young kids, and I know I need to look after them. Trouble is I have terrible depression and anxiety, alchohol repressed it and helpled, now I have quit having trouble dealing with it all. And started drinking again today just cause I couldnt deal with the feelings I had Gone from feeling positive to very very down..

[Glass Half Empty]

hate to say it..

I'm so sorry to hear that Cleo, but you're back in a safe place now so let's see how we can get you back on track.

I hope you haven't hurt yourself too seriously, is it anything you need help with?

If not, try and get some sleep tonight and start again tomorrow. We'll all be here to help you.

:l :h :l

[Kradle123]

hate to say it..

Hi Cleo,

Yes I have flat exactly like this especially when I started to rack up lots of AF days. I am bi polar so that explained some of that mood swinging but I'm on medications.

I am much more steady now but it has taken real time, reading posting here, following small steps to keep myself out of harms way- not always successful...

Stay close Cleo. We're in this together. :l

[paulywogg]

hate to say it..

i hate depression and anxiety! seems like once you feel it you trick yourself into having it again because your so scared of feeling that way! sad point for me now is i cant drink enough to escape anymore,so i dont i just TRY to deal with it,but somedays,i just wanna hide under the covers

[Siren136]

hate to say it..

Cleo - did you harm yourself due to depression and anxiety? How did you hurt yourself?

I'm concerned - go back and tell your doctor all this. He might up your meds, put you on something else, or add something to your regimen. Anything is better than being drunk all the time. Listen to Pauly - it eventually won't work anymore. You need to get this sorted out now.

Hugs lady!! :hug:

[Juja]

hate to say it..

Cleo, I'm so sorry. I fully understand anxiety and depression, as do many here, so know you're not alone.

You need keep yourself safe so your children are safe. Right? So, please stay close by, and we'll help you.

This site has truly helped me think about, and control my drinking. I'm not Af, but I'm a helluva lot better than I was 2 years ago. So, read and post as much as you can.

Please tell us how you hurt yourself so we can place a virtual balm on your wounds, and help you heal.

My best to you.

Juja:l

[Cleo Night]

hate to say it..

Thankyou for the kind comments, the encouraging words, the virtual hugs I truly appreciate it. Feel very down on myself atm. It helps to know others have been through this and come through.

Kind of ashamed of hurting myself..yet more ashamed I dont hate myself for it as bad as it sounds. I dont need medical treatment but I did cut myself...lots of times..with a sharp scalpel I have (studying graphic design and got it in my art kit). Bout 20-30 cuts I think and I know it sounds like an awful thing to do and its not something I have ever done before..Cant really explain what made me do it was just a kind of compulsion and in a weird way it made me feel better Now have to try and not let myself do it again I know. Last thing I need is another addiction to battle

And yes it was cause of my depression/anxiety..mostly depression I think I actually am more depressed rather than less the last week or so. Last night when I was drinking it made me feel bit sick..prob. cause of the Campril I am on even though I skipped night dose..and cause I have cut down so much. But found myself reaching for a drink again tonight..gotta stop I know

Thankyou again Glass Half Empty, Kradle, Pauly, Siren and Juja :hug:

[Cleo Night]

hate to say it..

Thankyou Molly
Unfortunately for me anxiety and depression has been something I have struggled with a long time. Like half my life- and it started before I started drinking. But I never really thought of myself as an alcoholic until recently..it was a struggle to come to terms with. It was actually though admitting to a doctor I needed help for the depression and anxiety and I was having panic disorder too then getting medicated which led me to realise I am an alcoholic. But the meds I am on dont help enough with the depression. Will see my doctor again soon and try to tell her about this.