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[Struggles 106]

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PERSEPHONE

Have a wonderful trip Pers!

[K9Lover]

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Perse -

I just now really paid attention to the title of your thread...you said "FANTASIES"....exactly. When you find the key to moderation, I will show you where the Unicorns live!

Have a great trip! :h

[FlyAway]

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In my opinion "moderating" is like being a little bit pregnant. It doesn't exist. It's just a term to make the truth feel better. You're either drinking or not drinking.

You say that this is the first that you've had thoughts of moderation. The 3-4 month mark was the hardest time for me. That's when your brain starts telling you that you've got this under control and that maybe you really weren't that bad. But is it really that bad not drinking? I'm pretty sure that your life is better now. Will drinking make it better? Or is it just the addiction calling you?

I went away last weekend and hung out with old friends. Old drinking friends. I had a blast and was completely sober. But guess what? I'm over 14 months sober and I craved hard when we all got together. It wasn't even when I was actually with them, it was leading up to it. I actually thought about drinking for about 5 minutes. Unbelievable! Would drinking have made my weekend better? Abso-frigging-lutely NOT.

[Persephone1]

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What a crazy roller~coaster! I arrived in San Francisco 2 nights ago and my daughter informs me that a towncar will be picking me up as her boss had an impromtu party that she couldn't leave. I arrive here (she is a nanny and lives in a guest home on the property and her boss treats her as 'one of the family') and the wine, and Vodka, and champagne and beer is flowing, people are in the pool & jacuzzi, laughing & eating, a Lot...everything is in s.l.o.w m.o.t.i.o.n for just a sec. My daughter's boss is an Aussie and a wine LOVER and typically would pressure me to drink, but she told him in advance that I was taking medication and COULD NOT mix, so I was covered. TBH, I had No Problem what~so~ever Not drinking. I ate and laughed and jacuzzi'd my night away, all AL free and felt FREAKIN' FANTASTIC in the am! Unlike everyone else. YAY FOR ME! I don't miss it. I don't long for it. It did nothing but hurt me and TOOK FROM ME. I have nothing but gratitude to be free of it.

My baby got me a facial and hair highlights for Mothers Day, so I am off for a treat...:thanks: for your support MWO family, I could not have done this without you! :h P.

[mama bear]

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great thread....much needed....and yes...we can have MORE fun sober!

[NoSugar]

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Way to go Persephone!! I am so happy for you. :h NS

[Byrdlady]

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That party animal is still inside! You don't need AL to bring her out! So glad you are having a great, sober vacation! You will never regret being sober!!!
Byrdie

[K9Lover]

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YAY Perse!!! I am SO PROUD of you! I could use a little jacuzzi-facial-highlight action meself!!! :H

I bet you felt GREAT the morning after when everyone else had a hangover...whether they admitted it or not, you know they did! The jacuzzi/alcohol is a bad mix...it speeds up and intensifies the effect of alcohol.

Great job! Keep it up friend! :l

[Wagoneer]

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What a wonderful thing to read! Congrats. I knew you could do it !!!

[Guitarista]

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K9Lover;1500777 wrote: I could use a little jacuzzi-facial-highlight action meself!!! :H

l

:blush:

Great stuff Persephone!

[Persephone1]

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Well, I survived it...mostly thrived it! :waving:

Ended up being a close to perfect vacation. And now I am considering moving back to Palm Springs in the fall!
Thanks, BTW to you friends who posted words of encouragement ~ meant the world.

The reason I shared all the silly details in my last post was to show the ridiculous amounts of alcohol surrounding me, so I had a few tough moments. Liters of booze around ALL THE TIME and a hippy~gramma who smoked at least 5 jays a day to test my nerves!
There were probably half a dozen times that I craved a drink AND a smoke! and I was there 2 weeks, not terrible. I honestly think this was the first real test for me, as I've shared, I really sheltered myself in the beginning.

My daughter left for Paris 3 days before I left and honestly, THAT was the most difficult day. I was really worried and emotional from PMS. It was the day I was most likely to fall and just tried to remind myself how hard I had worked for this and how bad it would feel tomorrow. I had very limited access to internet, so I had to draw you all in energetically! So, :thanks:

I just stopped to count the days: 111 ~ I believe. Not worth throwing it all away, right?. I said when I started this, I will never wish I could go back and 'do Anything drunk'. It has remained true.

I have noticed my thinking slowly changing too. Its interesting how this recovery kinda comes in distinct stages. A new phase has begun and SO glad it's finally warm here on the lake. Time to start my garden!

You all are always a source of strength for me. MUCHO APPRECIATED! :whee: P.