therapist tonite

[Bella]

Im going to see my therapist soon...4th time. Everytime i go i sit for 10mins having panic attack..im feeling a panic coming on now..its hard to breathe. Im fine and hes brilliant and imsafe but i cant help this dread of panicking there and feeling like an idiot. Im not an idiot im jst afraid of talking about stuff frm the past. He doesng rush me..im fine..jst need to calm down. Ive not had a drink for 5 whole days..maybe this is making me more exposed feeling..thanks for listening. Bella xx

[NoSugar]

therapist tonite

Hi, Bella

Take long, slow breaths and just think about the breath going in and out, in and out.

When your mind starts jumping around, bring it back to the breathing. In and out. Just keep doing this. Your heart rate will slow down.

The part of the brain that has panic attacks is not the part that understands logic so you can't reason your way out of this. Just breathe. In and out. In and out.

This will work. I hope you are ok. :l

[Bella]

therapist tonite

Thanks Nosugar. Im sitting in my car waiting to go in. I cant stop this feeling..im ok. Im nervous anx feel stupid. He will think im stupid. Im just sittinv here..i am breathing but its hard. I ll calm down. Jst need to breathe properly. Thanks. Im fine. Will go in now. Thanks for yr help and advice..its ok. Bella. X

[NoSugar]

therapist tonite

Bella -- he sees what you are going through and worse ALL THE TIME. He will not think you are stupid. He knows what is happening to you and he knows you cannot logically control it. This is the fight or flight, survival part of your brain in action. Just keep thinking about your breathing. Tell him what is happening - he probably can give you some tips to control it. What you are doing through is not odd. It used to happen to me at RED LIGHTS! Talk about bad timing. Just breathe, Bella, and write again after your appointment, ok.

:l

[Guitarista]

therapist tonite

Hi Bella!

Good on you for tackling stuff.

Have a beautiful week my friend.

G bloke.

[Bella]

therapist tonite

Hi Nosugar and G bloke. Im ok now. I went in and couldnt look at the therapist..i sat for a few minutes having a problem with hyper ventilating etc...everytime ive been ive done it but i got myself out of it quicker than before and it was an hour well spent. I still couldnt look at him for the hour but thats ok. Hes brilliant and knows his stuff. Thanku sooo much for yr reasurring words earlier Nosugar...and for yr well wishes Guitarista. I ll get there one day. Bells xxxxxx

[NoSugar]

therapist tonite

Hi, Bella

I'm glad you made it through the appointment. Perhaps you could find some CDs or websites that teach techniques for dealing with panic attacks and anxiety. I'm sorry you had to go through those feelings. When is your next appointment?

[luvuall]

therapist tonite

Good for you Bella.

[Bella]

therapist tonite

My nxt appointment is nxt wednesday. I woke early this morning and cant stop thinking about everything we talked about. Im terrible at talking about personal stuff about me. Its hard talking to a therapist in a quiet room. We hav agreed that he wont ask me about my brothers abuse in my childhood..i cant do that yet. But that is the reason for all my issues now. Anxiety, fear of people, not feeling as good as anyone else in this world, no confidence, fear of never upsetting anyone or making them cross etc..having flash backs and violent nightmares...its all come out 30 yrs later..im 44 now...thats why ive used alcohol to take the edge off things...it helps with losing my inhibitions a bit but alcohol is not working for me anymore..i take it too far and get depressed frm it. Anyway..thanks for listening. Therapist will help me unravel all the layers ive built up over the yrs..protection layers. Bella xx

[3June2013]

therapist tonite

Bella you are so strong tackling all of these demons. I think closing your eyes while you speak to your therapist might help? He will know how to help you relax. I used alcohol to forget a lot too. When you're in a haze those sharp edges dull and they don't hurt so much. I think we don't face some things until we're ready. That's why some memories stay hidden for a long time. Bit by bit you will peel it away, but don't be afraid, the past is the past. You're a grown up now who can fight back. You are fighting back by the sounds of it. Congratulations!

[Bella]

therapist tonite

Thanku June. Wise words. Closing my eyes is no good for me as it makes me feel like im in a different world that actually in the room...but i jst look at the carpet head in hands and sometimes focus on the trees and leaves outside the window. I so appreciate talking here on MWO. There ARE folk out there who understand where im coming from. Its day 6 now no alcohol. I feel so much more clear in my head. Im also on anti depressants so when i binge drink they dont work anymore...ive got to tackle the drink problem first...then i can see things more in perspective and not wallow in black self misery but feel lighter and stronger inorder to face this s*** i was dealt as a child. I sometimes feel angry that my life could have been so different if i had not been exposed to such monster ish things. Hey ho cant change the past but CAN change the present by altering my attitude towards it. I know i will slip and fall again...i always do but i WILL get up again because i know i am strong. Thanku again and sorry if im waffling. Bella xxxxxx

[NoSugar]

therapist tonite

Bella;1524567 wrote: ... but CAN change the present by altering my attitude towards it. I know i will slip and fall again...i always do but i WILL get up again because i know i am strong. Thanku again and sorry if im waffling. Bella xxxxxx

Hi, Bella

I'm sorry for so much hurt and sadness in your life :l.

You don't have to fall again. Next time you feel like drinking, you could come post, instead. Or read! The Newbies Nest is thousands of pages long and there are posts that sadly, are similar to your story.

It sounds like your medication and counseling will be more successful if you stop drinking. That is the part that MWO can help with! Take the strength that makes you know in your heart that you will try again to not fall again!

Please stay close. Tomorrow you will have completed a full week AF !

[Guitarista]

therapist tonite

Hiya Bella,

You will get through sober and proud. You just watch. You have so much life ahead of you. There is so much time, 40-50 years maybe more, to live the life you want.

I think you are very brave facing past issues, but it sounds like you want to deal with it because you are doing it. You are so strong, smart and brave.

I wish you peace and strength each and every day.

G bloke.

[3June2013]

therapist tonite

How did it go tonight bella?

[Bella]

therapist tonite

Its tonight my therapy june. I will let u know how it goes. Thanks for yr care. Bella x