Need advice about family member

[looking for peace]

I have been on this site on and off for years. I haven't quit drinking but have cut down quite a bit since starting here. It's been so much work to try to moderate... I'm so tired. I need a kick in the pants to stop completely.

My sister and her husband are "functioning alcoholics" and have been for many years. They used to have a thriving family business, went on trips, had nice cars, a beautiful home, etc. in the last few years, everything they have has been dwindling down to literally nothing. There is always a reason, or an excuse for their money situation. No one wants to address the elephant in the room. I really started to wonder how much their drinking has had to do with the demise of everything. I am sure it has a lot more to do with their situation than anyone wants to bring up.

It's so sad because I have 3 nephews caught in the middle of this. I love all of them dearly and I just don't know how to help.

It just goes to show what can happen when liquor gets involved. It's incidious, it ruins lives and sometimes we don't even realize what role it has played in our misfortunes, especially if we consider ourselves "functioning alcoholics". There but for the grace of God go I. It makes me so incredibly sad and makes me realize how I hate how we have been brought up to use this poison that eventually takes a hold of our lives and we don't even know until its too late.

:upset:

[looking for peace]

Need advice about family member

Thanks for all of the the input.... I should have probably said I cheated on my husnand in the subject line, I might have gotten one response. i thought this was the "need help ASAP thread" Oh well. Cest la vie!

[Kradle123]

Need advice about family member

Hey looking, not certain I understand the cheating reference but let me welcome you back! Takes courage to come back. I know! :goodjob:

Anyway, I started here in 2007 and really only got serious in 2012i
I was away from here most of that time so that accounts for my spending many nights in front of a of bottle of wine leafing to many angry cloudy days. :upset:

Slowly lowly I feel as though I am coming up for air, swimming to the surface of my life so to speak but it's tough and my family are all drinkers as well...functional Alcoholics absolutely.

The oldest went from being on the cover of the Fortune 500 magazine to God knows where in Idaho (I think...she doesn't communicate with us anymore really) one is divorced and the other one...I don't know... she seems happy but honestly, she's been in space since we were kids so...

Im so sorry you have to watch your sister disintegrate like that. Can you distance yourself? Do you have lots of contact.? The kids...well, when the kids are involved its just awful, i know. I have distanced myself from mine and I must say, it feels great. I know that sounds awful but I just Can't stand being in their orbit anymore. They just sucked the energy right out of me, like dark stars...sorry, I watch lots of star strek these days.

You know the drill honey. Please come back to us. I have the links in my signature. We are all in this together. :l

Stay close

[little beagle]

Need advice about family member

Having lived with someone with a drinking problem and having one myself, I can see things from both sides. You should talk to them about this because of the children. Not jjust about the money but also about the scars that the kids will be left with. I have used the book The Addicted Brain to talk to my hubby. He especially loves how I describe the rats addiction responses. Maybe read that book and it might help you have this [U]veryU] difficult conversation? Good luck.

[Samstone]

Need advice about family member

Hello Peace

Not too often do I attempt to give any advice because I fear to write the wrong thing or offend someone. Pretty much I try to visit MWO to read support that keeps me from drinking. I got your "cheating" reference alright, in any event I'm thinking this:

unfortunately the best you can do is to look after yourself PERIOD. To involve yourself will probably lead to unpleasantries. From what I've read "I really started to wonder how much their drinking has had to do with the demise of everything. I am sure it has a lot more to do with their situation than anyone wants to bring up." , you are not completely sure. Even if you were, it would possibly be seen as an intrusion etc etc.

But the bottom line is you know better than anyone here the situation and what your relationship is with your sister / family and how far to push any envelope.

I hope your kick in the pants works for you. Here, you are among friends.
I wish you the best.

SS

[Lavande]

Need advice about family member

Good to see you again peace!
Do you really want to quit drinking? Make a plan, make a commitment & hop into the newbies nest for a while

I'm sorry about your sister. Perhaps she will follow your lead & kick AL out of her life as well. Tell her about MWO, have her look around the site.
The kids need a safe & nurturing environment, are they OK? Can they count on you or someone close if they need help?

Take care of yourself first, then you can help look after everyone else
Wishing you the best!

Lav

[JackDanielsGirl]

Need advice about family member

Dear looking for peace,

First of all let me apologize that no one posted back immediately. I did not see your thread until this am. I must have missed it, cause I usually check several times a day. Please don't let this keep you off this site. There has been a lot going on with some of the members, including myself. No excuse just saying. Anyway

First of all if you need a kick in the pants, Here it is "kick". You have to completely stop before anyone who still drinks is going to listen to you. I know this from experience. Then you can break the ice by telling your sister what a difference not drinking has made in your life, better finances, remembering the details of an event, quality time with your children, etc. Being AF not only sets an example, it give you leverage for talking and helping someone else, not to mention all the health and benefits for yourself.

Or another approach could be to discuss with your sister, your own plan to become AF and ask her to join you, and do this together like going on a diet, it is always easier with a buddy. Whether or not she accepts you have to do this for YOU, and if she does then see it as an added bonus.

Hope this helps, Hope you come back to read it.

Stick around this site is the best in tender loving care, support, incentive to stay quit, and advice, and the perverbial "kick in the pants" when we need it.

Hugs,
JDG

[looking for peace]

Need advice about family member

Thank you for everyone's responses. They we very helpful. I didn't drink and think showing a good example to my sister may be the best thing to do so far. I am there to support her emotionally.... We have even offered a substantial offer to invest in a new business. I think this maybe their bottom.... Thanks again

[Unwasted]

Need advice about family member

LFP, I just wanted to say hi - I think you've already gotten good advice here, and maybe you've already started posting in the nest?

I hope you can stop drinking - I'm really trying to make this my time too. I remember you from long ago.

Hugs,
UN :lilheart:

[Mr Vervill]

Need advice about family member

I agree with the responses here. The best you can do is provide a good example. Intrusion most likely will come off as pushiness.
If you're clean and sober, it's much easier to say this is what has worked for me, if and when the the subject comes up.
And if you're clean and sober, your sister will most likely notice.
If the subject never comes up, all you can really do is take care of yourself.
It certainly hurts to see someone you love self-destruct.
But again, who am I to make judgement calls. I don't know either of you.
just my two cents